So im sitting here contemplating leaving work. Im really depressed. I dont know how to move passed or what i should do next. I don't feel like I can salvage whats left of my life. Honestly, I don't even want to. I don't feel like I have a reason to be alive. I don't want to keep going. I simply want this feeling to be gone. I really can't do this.
My mom keeps asking what I want but the truth is I don't know. Don't know how to fix this, get where i want, be who i want, i dont even know who i am. I have never had the space to figure that out. I just want to be happy. Guys what should I do?
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Bookishbunny
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Hi. 1st of all I want you to know that you are not alone in this. I dealt with the same thing from my early teens until?.
I felt alone, trapped, lost-directionless, fear-anxiety, depressed. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. (It was a Circus. A Shit Storm). And nobody wanted to change it/work on it. I doubt they new how. I didn't either.
Have you ever experienced any Trauma or Dysfunction in your family?
*What I lacked the most of, was someone who 'Get's It'. Who's been there before in some way or another. A lot of people don't know how to deal with, or are afraid of the Raw emotions (pain and??) that they've never dealt with. Some just don't want to hear about it.
Someone I could talk to who wouldn't make me feel worse than I did before. Someone who wouldn't throw out some crazy 10 minutes cure that would make all the parts in my life work right (BullS#it!).
Good people are out there, but often so hard to find. And then when you think you've found the right person, you have to try and be vulnerable to see if they are worthy of your trust; which could backfire. For me, it took I don't know how long before I trusted one person. That's where a good Mental Health Pro comes-someone who won't judge you or make you feel worse. Someone who truly is on your side and can help you get out of that, that.... Hell you're living in. You may to try several counselors until you find one that's a fit for you. You will have to talk about the source of your pain, which for a while can make you feel worse. But if it does't feel like a good fit, or they continually makes you feel worse..........RUN.
Sometimes the 1st step is the toughest. Anyone you trust that could help you find a counselor? Maybe they can make the call for your 1st appointment, and if need be, drive you to the 1st session.
Life can be better. Much better. This website is a good source to turn to for support, directions, and being connected. You may not agree with all of the advice you're given. And that's ok. Go with the things that feel right. Some of the other advice may make more sense later.
I wish you relief; a healthy way out from your pain; and even happiness.
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