empty?

[amandagray]

i dont want to die but i also dont really want to be alive. i dont really know how to describe it. i feel kind of hollow like im in some sort of emotional purgatory. i have no desire to do anything really. maybe i could get some feedback about this.

[jesca18]

I feel the exact same way. I really do.

I sometimes think maybe if I was living another life.. starting fresh, starting over somewhere new that id have more will to live. I can’t seem to change my life to the way I would like it to be. I feel stuck; not wanting to live but not wanting to die.

[Sillysausage234]

Are you on meds for low mood Amanda?

[Sammy96]

So I just joined this site & I have been feeling the exact same way for the past year and a half. I rarely even leave my house and wish I could change this.

[Dolphin80]

I know the feeling. Have been there when I get into severe depression. But meds I’m taking really boost my mood up. Thank god. You should talk to your doctor. Good luck.

[Hidden]

It's alright love I went through that stage it is only temporary things will get better there is always sunshine in the rain and yeah I get it if it weren't for someone I wouldn't be here today but I'm glad they saved me as It inspired me to want to help others and giving me purpose and motivation

[Dicksoan]

Its depression. Funny you call it purgatory even though such thing doesn't exist. But it would have been good if it was there coz purgatory is meant to be temporary. U just need to cry and talk and cry a lot to relive urself

[GirlMeetsRucas1234]

Have you went to a mental health center? I am going to one right now and it really helps?

[amandagray in reply to GirlMeetsRucas1234]

yeah i was even hospitalized recently i usually have group therapy everyday but ive been working a lot so i havent been going as much :/

[GirlMeetsRucas1234 in reply to amandagray]

Take care of yourself first

[GirlMeetsRucas1234]

Have you went to a mental health center? I am going to one right now and it really helps?

[Kat63]

I’ve had times when I know I don’t want to die - but I’ll be kind of relieved when life is over.

[Dicksoan]

Sir watch Joel Osteen and TD Jakes online

For biggest transformation watch scoan videos on YouTube especially healings

[Dburge87]

Amanda, have you ever heard the saying No Pain, No gain, which I want to tattoo on me soon. Basically, most of have live our lives which out pain, some not so like myself. In 2014 I had a TBI short for Traumatic brain injury. I was Severely Jumped at work( kicked in the head so bad, I blocked out). I woke up feeling Dizzy but aware. A psy patient had kicked me in the head while I was restraining some other patient. Long story short, I didn’t think much of it that year. It wasn’t till 15 where I woke up with my head pounding of pain, dull, throbbing pain, numbing feeling but a feeling of my head being squeezed through a vice. I figured, ok, it’s just a migraine right. Fuck NO, it was so bad I went to the ER. Doctors did bloodwork, ekg, eeg, and a basic CT scan. They figured it was pain caused by head injury. Wrong again. For the next week for every waking hour for 24 hours a day from fucking waking up to going to bed my head felt like a dull aching pain. Pain. Pain and more fucking pain. From 2015- 2018 of September is when finally I felt some relief. Now think for a second, if you had pain 24/7 from 2015- 2018. Do you know how mad that would drive someone. Oh, it drove me to suicide, even to the point of homicide. Just because I was in this pain, I wanted everyone to feel what I feel cuz I wasn’t getting the helped I needed.

After 3 MRIs, and 7 CT scans found nothing. I haven’t Up.

I see people now complain about basic stuff, oh i wish I had a better job, I wish my relationship was better, why do I feel sAd, why can I just be normal. And trust me I felt the same way. I’m trying to say. All our life’s we lived pain free, but the moment we realize we’re just flesh and bones, not immortal. We come to really understand the worth of being a human being. Amandagrey. You are something powerful, you are. I don’t know you. But you will be strong and defeat this demon, found the source of the hollowness. To feed into it. Do something spontaneous but don’t hurt yourself. Change the path of your everyday routine . Make people’s paths different, fuck up the order of the cosmos. Don’t be a robot or a slave to society. Good luck Amanda.