ADVICE PLEASE BIPOLAR PARENT

[Hopes1]

Can anyone please give me any advice, my mum is 73 and has major problems with alcohol she is a binge drinker she was diagnosed with Bipolar about 10 years ago and had to be sectioned due to mania she was on medication and stopped it about 6 months ago even though she went through a manic episode in Nov and depressive episode in Dec she started with not sleeping about 6 weeks ago and will not call the crisis team, I have called them 4 times and I’m told she has to call them to get help. She is extremely abusive and has been calling me and my brother about 10 times a day that starts ok then just turns in to disgusting language and abuse she also uses violence against me if I call in to see her

She is also foul and violent when she has been drinking, this has been happening for over 30 years I have supported her through AA, cancer treatment and mental health to the point that it is making me ill what can I do to support her or should I just walk away and try and pick up the pieces when she’s recovered

[kenster1]

hi welcome to A/D page.is it possible your mum is using alcohol to medicate rather than the meds and could be part of the reason for being nice to the family.could you contact AA for leaflets and self help information and get them sent to her address maybe without her knowing it`s coming from you.I wouldn`t walk away but maybe try support her in other ways even things like keeping her house tidy making sure she keeps to appointments without mentioning AA or medication.

[Hopes1 in reply to kenster1]

Hi she had been through AA many times

[kenster1 in reply to Hopes1]

It`s tough two of my friends attend AA one not long started other 8 years a volunteer friend now runs his own AA meetings.

[32Punch]

Hello - It sounds like you are reaching a new understanding of your Mom's issues. An understanding that her illness and alcoholism have become unmanageable by you or really, anyone, but her. You have dedicated 30+ years to trying to help her. That alone proves her issues are unmanageable by you. You are lighting yourself on fire to keep her warm, neglecting the detrimental mental health impacts for yourself.

In the US, we have Al-Anon. Support groups for the families of loved ones who are alcoholics and are either in AA or should be. There families can discover how to put their own mental health first and consider ending enabling behaviors and detachment with love actions. I hope they have this organization in the UK as well?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sucks, as few things have sucked before, because it is your Mom. I, too, have had to detach from my Mom after 18+ years of her bipolar getting progressively worse. I reached the point where I had to drop the rope. Because to continue trying to help her or even be around her was seriously impacting my mental health. It's been two years now, I can sleep at night because I know she has the basics covered - money, food, shelter, and a 24hr live in carer who does the cooking and cleaning. In that time, despite my brother's continued emotional over-involvement with her, she has only gotten worse in her disease. My sacrificing my own health to stay involved with her wouldn't have done any good towards getting her healthier, and would only have continued to hurt me.

We support you! Do what you need to do to save yourself from this unmanageable situation.

[Hopes1 in reply to 32Punch]

Thank you so much for you advice xx