Often what I'd like to have in my life is outside of my comfort zone, something I find difficult to step out of. I've mistaken excitement for a bad kind of anxiety far too many times. I've missed out on things I know I'd enjoy because I don't want to be trapped in something- I want to be able to bail out at any time and that often discludes me from social settings that would be healthy for me.
I force myself to go out, to walk away from my home for the sake of exercise and lean on the positivity I've seen from exposure therapy. Sometimes it feels like torture, but again there are things I want that don't exist in my comfortable little bubble.
Stepping outside of my comfort zone and enjoying being in the moment (even if it has traits that I dislike on occasion) are things I know people here can appreciate. If only I could reprogram my mind to understand I need to experience positive results from stepping outside of my comfort zone. In those moments of sheer terror when my amygdala is screaming "run for your life!", I want nothing more than to avoid that which on the other side of, I know I'll find something I'll enjoy... so I keep trying.
Maybe I have too many negative associations built up from years of living in fear of fear itself... but then if it wasn't easy, would it be worth it?
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EndUser13
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You will only know if it's worth it to you is if you try it once. What is the worst that has happened. Are there skills you've learned in exposure therapy that can help you get through it. What are one of the things you would like to tackle and be more a part of? My depression cripples me from doing the things I want for sure.
I think the worst thing to happen is missing out on so much life because I had experienced such intense fear (and weird symptoms with it).
I would like to expand my 'comfort zone' to include... a LOT.
How does your depression keep you from what you'd like to do? Is it avoidance like with me? Or maybe the 'just going through the motions, not feeling it' thing? Something else?
Hey now! You can't fairly judge one person to another, we're all coming from different places and heading to different destinations with our own unique... everything, even in our similarities.
Give yourself some credit for what you have accomplished and challenge yourself to achieve what you'd like to see in your life.
I like to make lists of things to accomplish- they don't have to be special, so long as I'm on an incline and getting SOMETHING done. Some days I feel myself dragging (sometimes for many days) and doing a couple of little things seems to get the ball rolling. On my better days, I keep up some good habits. Maybe taking stock of what you're doing well would be motivating?
I always made sure I had an escape plan if I went out. Always drove myself so I could leave if I had to. Just knowing that my car was there for me gave me a sense of comfort and control.
I remember the first day I pushed myself to go to the grocery store. I had a list of two things. I just focused on the goal. I made no eye contact with anyone. Just grabbed and ran. When I went back the next time I got more. I just worked my way up.
I think we have to listen to ourselves. There were days I knew I couldn't do it and I didn't. I remember the first time back in a restaurant. I was with my family. I felt trapped and a bit paranoid. Ordered my food and stood up and left. Got in my car and went home. When they got home I asked if my breakfast was good haha.
Exposure therapy feels like torture but its worth it in the end. For me it took repeating exposure sometimes hundreds of times before I finally felt normal again. I first had a panic attack and immediately developed panic disorder. I couldn't leave my apartment. Through baby steps over the next week I had to get out to prepare for work again I felt like my brain was broken. I had drive to work which was where the attack happened in the first place. I probably drove 100 times to and from work feeling like i was going to die and just had to keep saying, 'one more stoplight, just a little further, you can always pull over', before i finally felt more confident, and even then it was a process. I still haven't gotten 100% better but 99%. I had to get used to things like meetings, going places i couldn't escape from, essentially like relearning how to walk again but for day to day life. This all happened 7 years ago and I was 99% feeling like a normal person again. Unfortunately I had a relapse 6 months ago and have had to work through this process all over again. This time its going a little faster as I have tools I didn't have before, however its hard as heck and I miss dearly feeling normal. I hate the constant dread and tight chest and invasive thoughts. I just can't give in, I have to force pain over and over before I can be normal again.
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Just a bit about, my health !
so called \"friends\" 
Found a therapist, but they don't yet know about my actual anxiety/depression...
I just realized something about myself...
