I finally came to the realization that I have a ton of anger inside. I don't know why or how I came to this point.
I've been diagnosed with depression, body dysmorphic disorder but never really talked about anger.
I don't know how to solve that or get out of this funk that has been hanging around for the last 2-3 years.
I don't know about everyone else, but I have seen a counselor and 2 psychologists. I enjoy talking and it feels good but none of them have ever been able to help me climb out from the pit I've fallen into.
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metalminded
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Congratulations! This is very good to realize! It's not so easy to sift through the mess of emotions, but you did that and that is great! If I were you, now that you have this valuable info, I would restart therapy to see how you can deal with it. I'm just guessing here, but maybe you didn't get so much out of therapy before because you didn't know what you needed to work on? Something to think about anyway.
Hi there I'm sorry your struggling with depression I noticed you've been to councillors and phycologist s were they not helpful? Have you got a support network at home it helps if you've got a friend or relative who you can talk to you for more often than the Councillors do they try there best but try not to rely on them on there own! I truelly hope you feel better soon and stay safe david
I too am in this boat. I am depressed and have horrific anxiety but I have also been carrying around anger towards a lot of things and extreme bitterness over the state of my life in general. these are all things that feed into one another and build off of one another. Therapy and talking is good, but without a goal it won't help much. Meaning that if you don't realize the things that need to change or are avoiding them (not saying you are but it does happen, even I avoid) progress can't be made. Change comes from the individual not the therapist. So to use your analogy, the therapist can only throw you a rope, it's up to you whether or not you will climb out of the pit. I hope that makes sense. The other side of this is that when you have a lot of emotion packed inside it can be very hard to sift through it all quickly. I have been in therapy for years and I am still trying to unpack everything. Therapy takes time and is dependent on the person so sometimes it feels like you are not making progress but in fact you are, little by little each day. I would say first and foremost be kind with yourself and practice self care. And than be okay with the fact that it may take you a long time to figure things out and it's going to feel like you are not making progress but as long as you are trying that is progress made every day. Look at me 8 years in and still trucking along. It's not a race and so do what is best for you. Do what you feel comfortable with and work at your pace, no one else's.
There are other issues that contribute to my depression. I don’t think I have anxiety.
I know family stressors contribute a lot and of course financial issues.
I don’t think I have any other deeper issues. I’m an only child I had a great childhood. My parents were great, I had great friends from probably 5 years old through today.
My family growing up was so much fun I loved my Grandparents and spent a lot of time with them.
I do miss those days and they are all gone except for my Mom.
Like you, I’m disappointed where I’m at in my life. I’m 51 have no savings, feel like I can’t get ahead. My wife hasn’t worked going on 4 years and our son has anxiety which has, at times, brought out the worst in me.
Hi metal minded, I can relate as I work myself up into a angry state sometimes and take it out on my family if they frustrate me or don't do things when I want. I don't know if it is anger at my parents, the people who bullied me, blaming myself for how I have been treated in the past or for not living up to my unrealistic perfectionist standards.
That is definitely part of what can set me off at home. My wife and son trigger my anger often though I may not always show it and will push it off. It builds up from crap at work, then at home and eventually I explode. I need to find a better outlet and not keep it bottled up until it does explode. I just haven't found the right coping mechanism that will help me focus it into something more productive then just yelling. I'm far from a perfectionist, but I do like things put away where they belong and do like our house to be clean, especially when my wife is at home not working.
Hi! What an accomplishment to be able to pinpoint what feelings you are experiencing and knowing that this has been your problem. Being aware is a huge step in transforming your life to be happier and better!The pros who are helping you can absolutely help you. Your job is to keep them on track. Keep them on their toes! Ask them questions. In order to feel better you gotta do the work and u r paying them so that they can do their job for you!!
I can identify with what you have written...and why it can be difficult to pinpoint the sudden surge of emotion over trivial things..
Heres some thoughts...
Anger generally starts with resentment...via the heart or mind.Its easy to suppress it at first, thinking you have control and ability to let go , thinking you have forgiven and forgotten....But letting go isnt something that comes easily to the anxious person.To relax the mind as well as the body and just let things be...sounds easy peasy....but doing nothing when you want to shout rant and rave is like driving hard with the handbrake on...something has to give.
I came to the point of realisation that my anger kept tipping over at the slightest things ..because my storage of past incidences still lurked within.I hoarded all kinds of memories why i do not know, but when you carry around so much baggage, its bound to weigh you down.
I decided to have an amnesty week...every one i felt aggrievance towards got a free pass...every thing i felt remorseful towards...(the should have ...could have) got let off my imaginary hook...to let go...truly release your thoughts and feelings...changes your energy...from negative ...to positive...
When people say.."its like a weight lifted off my shoulders" what really happened is they released the grip on whatever it was...and their energy changed.The funny things that happen when you change "your" energy towards someone else....or something else..those reciprocating energies start to change too, mostly for the better.
Stop judging yourself...and others...there is actually a super book called "letting go" for free in pdf.
Do not be hard on yourself...you have gotten this far through some difficult times....reward yourself ...be kind to yourself...and be kind to others if that needs to be, let go and let GOD ..peace out.
Thank you for your wonderful reply Jomico. I understand what you're saying. Though my baggage is hanging on my shoulders as we speak and isn't something I can let go of because the few times I do and try to feel more positive about it, it jumps back on and brings its friends with!You are definitely right about resentment. I feel it very deeply, yes, in my heart. If I could just let this single thing go I'd be very happy. I can't because it affects me every single minute of every single day, every day of the week.
I've tried being positive and talking and it hasn't worked and that conversation leads to more and more anger and resentment because I get screamed at for trying to have a positive conversation.
Okay.....thanks.Rule No 1... fix this from within...dont try to fix it by getting someone who doesnt think and feel what you think and feel....see your side of things...you'll end up in a knot.
There is so much resource out there if you know where to look...but here is a jumping off point...learn to let go...thats the only thing you need to focus on.Learn how NOT to react....to forces outside of your control...
I used to get annoyed/angry if something simple like deciding to cross the road....when no traffic is around only to find a car appearing up out of thin air...i could not control traffic...anymore than i could control my rage..but i could change how i responded/reacted....sounds simple...but as you already know...the time from calm to rage is quicker than reasoning power.This is skill that takes a little while to perfect...because you are still running those same automatic mechanisms that you are trying to give new commands.
You can only change how you react...to others...you cannot change how others react to you...so just change yourself..
You can read the long winded version, most people lose interest
Or you can youtube David R Hawkins and compress the bits you find useful
and try to employ them in the hope that you learn to quieten these undesired thoughts and feelings and live a calmer happier life...the people you live with ...will also become happier.
I want you to succeed where i failed...i lost my marriage because i never learned to live and let live when it counted.
Thank you! I have tried, and have succeed with many things that I can't control, like stupid drivers. I used to get really angry to the point that I'd want to follow and challenge the person physically, which is stupid for more reasons then I can say. I've gotten much better with that, pretty much stopped getting angry. I let go of a lot at work, being a manager my younger employees aren't terrible, but they don't have the work ethic that I do. I'm over that now and don't let it bother me.
What's going on at home is on a completely different level though because it directly affects my happiness, wellbeing, security, etc. If I can't help to change my family my only recourse is to leave but that's impossible because my wife has nothing and no family remotely near us and her best friend would be a great solution but they are angry with each other and won't talk. Besides that she said she could never live with her.
Unfortunately the only person who can answer that...is you.There was a reason why you met and married this person, i hope that reason will be stronger than the one you think up to undo the relationship.
Everything has a solution, if you step back from things, sometimes you realise its what you are doing that making things seem unfixable.
I hope you work things out, this requires some honesty on both sides....and perhaps the guidance of a counsellor....which is not in my remit...For what its worth, nothing will matter if you end up alone, with no family support, then security and happiness will mean nothing to you either...thats where i am at...regret doesnt cover it.
I'm sorry to hear that! I think that counseling is something we need to continue. We did start, but then insurance changed so now we have to start over.
I just need to feel that she's making an effort, which up until now, she hasn't. We haven't been intimate in over a year! We normally get along well but I don't feel the connection I did as strongly as I did a few years ago.
I hope I can turn that around. I will reach out for help.
Seems like you walked the halfway over that bridge, and she didnt meet you there...Maybe try that courting routine once more...reignite that flame...its worth the effort...but also it will tell you if the wood is too wet to burn.Holding out hope for you bro!
Thank you Hiba! Absolutely great advice! I’ve got a lot to work on. It’s nice to have a place to talk about it with others who have been through the same thing.
I’m sorry! Did you originally move here from overseas?That’s similar to my wife except that what little family she has is in Michigan and Alabama. Her Mom passed away last January.
oh well we were supposed to go this summer 😔 but Covid came it’s been so long since I saw family I am heartbroken but I understand why we can’t travel anymore
How long has it been since you were there? My son's best friend down the street and his family went last year before COVID to visit their family in Jordan. Our old neighbors went about the same time to visit their family in Pakistan, luckily before COVID! They moved last year, not too far, but they had 3 kids. Their daughter is the same age as our son (11) and she had two younger brothers. It was so great to have had them next door so the kids could play together. We miss them!!
mental/i have had anger/depression anxiety and agoraphobia which took 22 years away from me being unable to ravel more that 10 miles from my house...thats where mu ANGER CAME FROM/the only thing that works for me now was that i ask god to take all my problems off of me and i cried like a baby but it is slowly working woith no more negative thinking/only positive in.positive out.i tell any dark force to f--- off and go bother someone else cuz im A CHILD OF GOD NOW and this has caused me to have 5-6 days a week with no anger and no panic attacks.....i still get angry with the world or certain people but i try to leave it to god and move on/that pent up thinking and anger will cause you more trouble down the world///////i wish you luck and i will pray for your healing/just try this if you can/DS
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