First Steps

[FlowerGirl_24]

Hi everyone. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teen but have struggled with severe depression and suicidal thoughts and self harm for the last three years or so. I recently had a mental health scare in which I almost entered into an in-patient facility. I never thought I would reach that point.

My father passed away from heart failure in September 2020 and my partner's father passed away in November of last year. Times have been tough since father's passing and have just gotten worse since.

I know some people diagnosed with depression feel like dying or committing suicide, but most days I just don't want to exist. I'm afraid of dying and I would only commit suicide to no longer exist. I had a plan, which was revealed when I sought professional help and was almost admitted.

I really struggle in my relationships, with my partner, my family, and some friends. Most times, I don't feel social and have to fake it to attend a lot of things. I sometimes don't know if the emotions I'm feeling are real or if my thoughts are correct. When I have a disagreement with my partner (which I'll be honest, is often), I tend to turn negative statements inward and my mean inner voice takes over. I also tend to be very destructive, hurting myself, throwing valuables away, and sometimes breaking things. Sometimes, I can't handle situations and have to go somewhere to scream or cry or both.

Anyway, this is just the start. I am working on getting myself some health insurance and seeking help from a professional. I know this is going to be a long process to try to make myself better and to want to feel better. Any support or advice is welcomed. Thanks.

FlowerGirl_24

[Rick1on1]

I will gladly help if I can!

What meds are you taking?

How is your diet?

Are you exercising?

[FlowerGirl_24 in reply to Rick1on1]

I'm not currently taking medication but I was taking Sertraline (100 mg daily) for a while. I'll admit my diet is poor but I try to make good food decisions. Sometimes I binge or starve when I'm having a depressive episode and I drink quite often. I try to exercise but have not committed to exercising on a regular basis. I know I've got a lot to work on.

[Rick1on1 in reply to FlowerGirl_24]

Should you not go back on meds?

On the diet side, try to limit the times when you binge/starve. What foods do you like?

Alcohol and depression are not good bedfellows. Are you addicted or can you drink less?

Exercise, just like diet is difficult to manage. Take in small doses and eventually your body will want it.

[mermaid3474]

finding help is the best plan. I know it's gonna take time tho. I struggled finding a therapist but in the meantime I read self help books, did acupuncture for depression (which actually helped tremendously get rid of my mean voice in my head), I even found helpful advice in reading my horoscope daily (not super helpful, but helpful enough to get me by lol). keep searching and trying anything you can, you'll find something that will help. posting here is also a great start! I'm super new here but so far it seems like a nice place.

[FlowerGirl_24 in reply to mermaid3474]

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I'm interested in the acupuncture for depression.

[Zhangliqun]

You first have to find out what's causing it -- external trauma/environment, internal biochemical imbalance, bad thought patterns/attitudes, some combination of these -- before you can get effective treatment.

[FlowerGirl_24 in reply to Zhangliqun]

Thank you

[teal_tacos]

Hi. First day here. Writing you to remind you that you are not alone. I can relate.I am experiencing suicidal thoughts for the first time and I don't even know where to begin. Sending love.