Desire & Realization

[Tbine]

Hello Everyone,. I always use my own experience in the hope that someone out there can use something from it to help in their own personal struggle. I'll always remember my very first " Realization/ Shell Shock" was discovering that my psychiatrist and therapist were not going to be able to cure me of my severe social anxiety and depression. My Second realization was neither my meds or anyone was going to save me. At this point I had to DECIDE whether I was going to be a " Victim" always looking for sympathy from others, or I was going to fight my way out and through the battle going on in my head. This is a crucial decision with so many people today,. But YOU HAVE TO REALLY WANT to get better as if it's life or death for you,. It IS POSSIBLE, I'M living proof. It CAN BE DONE. With sheer determination, willpower, constant research, much inner dialogue, and change to old beliefs and fears. Fight the good Fight my friends.

[Agora1]

You are so right Tbine in that wishing someone or something else can help usjust perpetuates the suffering. Great post that we need to take to heart xx

[Tbine in reply to Agora1]

Thank You

[Ryanlion]

Well said, i came to this realization myself a few weeks ago. Psychiatrists just provide us with medication and we have to do the rest. Medication gives us the motivation to do what we need to do in order to get better and keep well.

[Tbine in reply to Ryanlion]

Thanks Ryan, your so right about that comment . I realize that these days many mental health professionals have too much on their plate,. More so since this covid 19 BS broke out. Even back in the early 90's when I thought that a therapist was the answer to my issues,. It seemed like quantity of clients equaled more money for them versus any quality or " genuine concern" for my well- being. It was a HUGE let down for me after I had put so much faith in their professionalism, and that's what I was trying to say in my post lol.

[Zhangliqun]

Sounds like something I say in here a lot!:

DEPRESSIVE'S MANIFESTO

Some pretty solid advice I've seen in here so far. The most critical thing is to never, ever give in to the idea that your mental illness is anything like a reliable indicator of the truth about the world outside your head. Once you understand that it's a lie, it becomes far less powerful because you become much less afraid of it. Fear that it will come again will often make it come again.

In my view, the people at greatest risk of suicide are the ones who start to believe that the whole world is hopeless and pointless, not just their own situation, meaning that in their minds, there is nowhere for them to escape the rising floodwaters even if they can get out of their heads for a moment. At that point, you're in a tailspin that's hard to pull out of. I almost ate a pistol in '94 because of it.

Something that really helps me is remembering that the moods do come -- and go. Just remembering that largely de-claws the lacerating despair that may be slicing and dicing me at the moment because I know from long experience that it will go. Yes, in the moment it feels like I have been in this nightmarish mood from eternity past and will be in it forever, but it will go. In remembering that I immediately feel significantly better. But again it is absolutely critical that you believe that there is goodness and worthwhile-ness in the world outside your head. Because it really is there.

Another thing that may sound stupid but really works for me is that just scrunching up my shoulders or allowing my face to sink into a grimace is a trigger. I start to get anxious and my stomach starts to boil. (Your physical posture really does make a big difference in your mental state.) But if I force myself to relax my face and shoulders, the anxiety will go away almost every time. Subconsciously I'll start to scrunch and grimace again and the anxiety returns, but again I force my face and shoulders to relax.

You may have to repeat this process about 50 or 100 times until it goes away for an extended period, so DO NOT be discouraged if it doesn't work right away. After a while this and other 'tricks' become second nature and you're able to judo this thing almost absently, like flipping a light switch or flushing the can. There will still be bad days but there will be fewer of them and on average, they will be less severe.

Some have said to focus on things that produce good feelings in you to push out the bad. You have probably heard this a lot but again, this is solid advice. Different things work for different people but I love looking at pictures of fall foliage, just hypnotizes me. In person is ideal but you can do that any time of year on line, lots of great fall picture sites. Maybe a favorite restaurant or some happy memories. Or going to the hardware store and feeling the constructive atmosphere -- positive things you can do with tools and parts and nails etc to fix something at the house or maybe a hobby or project -- that runs so contrary to the sense of futility this illness stuffs down your throat. Anything that gives you even 5 minutes away from the bad thought patterns is a point gained; it's 5 minutes you weren't feeding this snake. That matters because mood disorders rarely if ever stand still; they are either getting better or worse, depending on your behavior and attitude. Once again, it will be difficult at first, but once again it will become second nature after a while.

Last but not least, these things and all the other solid advice I've seen in here are coping skills -- or more to my point, weapons. DO NOT be passive and hope this illness will go away on its own, it won't. You must stomp the head of this snake day in and day out, because you are in World War Twitch7119, a war for your soul -- and the souls of others (more on that below).

This means you must be willing to fight and fight hard, which means you must believe you have something to fight for. You do. Friends and family and -- get this -- others who are as sick or sicker than you and me, who you don't know yet but who will die by their own hand if you give up now because they will never get encouragement and advice from the voice of experience -- you. God will put you in the path of people new to this illness for this reason, as he has done with me. He will make this illness, yes, worthwhile...

If I sound like Patton in front of that big flag, so be it. When you're up against an enemy as cunning and deadly as mental illness, you need to be a rabid rottweiler with stars on its shoulders. FIGHT!!!

[Tbine in reply to Zhangliqun]

Very well put !! I can appreciate the explanations because when I was in that battle for my sanity,. I always wished that someone, somewhere, anywhere, would EXPLAIN some coping strategies, or tricks. Lol it was always something very vague back in the early 90's,. Not to mention that many people like myself had no access to a computer for researching. I had to go to the bookstore and feel ashamed at the checkout of my self- help books, ie,. Hope & Help for your Nerves Lol and the " Power of the Subconscious Mind" just to name a few. Two things that still helps me today immensely is a healthy Sarcastic Humor towards myself and ALL of life's abundance of pure BS and towards all of those wonderful people you run into and then wish you never did lol ( you probably know at least a few?) I've perfected the skill of " minimizing" in all areas of my life with sarcasm towards situations, toxic individuals, television, current events, etc.. The other trick was to learn how to deep breath. Saved me from many a panic attack and now it just keeps me calm and laid back. I went from agoraphobic to now looking to shock a random person with a sarcastic comment towards life, or a stupid question towards me. I could go on and on into my bag of tricks I accumulated over decades of suffering, but not enough room here, Lol Thank You for taking the time to be thorough in your comments. Keep on.