Tips for to stop from falling down the spiraling black hole of an anxiety attack

[MsAshdai]

I have had several toxic relationships in my past. I've been cheated on, lied to, manipulated, gaslighted and used. I have ALWAYS struggled with my self worth so at the time, I thought I deserved it. For the last q years things have gotten progressively better. I am in a healthy relationship with good communication and amazing support. Up until recently we had an incident that triggered all of my anxiety from my past relationships. The thing is, what happened wasn't even something major, it was a stupid mistake. He didn't cheat. He didn't lie about whT happened, he apologized profusely and is willing to do anything to help me rebuild that trust. When he's home and I'm around him I feel ok, not great but ok. When he's gone my brain just spirals like it did years ago when I was made to feel like I was in the wrong for things I had no control over. How do I stop this. How can I make myself remember he is not those people from my past.

[kainasar]

I found the meds help me get a handle on that, but still exploring which ones.

[MsAshdai in reply to kainasar]

Thank you, I've tried meds in the past, but struggled to find one that didn't just numb me to everything. I also had very bad reactions between dosages. When I would start to come to the end of an 8 hour period or whatever it was the depression would sink me to almost suicidal levels. I think talking would help me a lot, being in a relationship with someone who I can come to and talk about anything had helped leaps and bounds. But unfortunately my family isn't exactly a group of people you go to with emotional issues. My mom's a big believer in "don't let them see you cry" type of thing. And my friends are few and far between 😔

[lovetodance2018]

Thank you for sharing. I can relate to your struggles of something triggering hurts from the past. It sounds like you are in a healthy relationship and it is important you focus on that and not the hurts of the past. What helps me is to keep a celebrations journal. The only things I write in this journal are uplifting good things that has happened or about me and my relationship. This helps take my mind off of the negative and hurts and focus on the positive and that helps my mind be healthy. Recently I have discovered that we need to do a daily mental health hygeine. We do routines for our teeth, eat healthy for our bodies, and exercise, but what do we do for mental health hygeine. I have been working on a checklist. Each morning, I start by looking in the mirror and thanking God for making me who I am. There is not another me and God made me to be me. Then I thank God for my husband and list the qualities that I love about him. Then throughout the day, when a negative painful thought comes, I recognize that it is there, and then say it is not truth and put it on an imaginary cloud so it floats away and replace it with the truth which is positive. I will keep you in my prayers and if you ever need someont to talk to feel free to pm me. Hugs and God Bless

[MsAshdai in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thank you, that is a lovely Idea. I haven't thought about a daily mental health routine like that before. I think that will be very helpful moving forward 😊

[lovetodance2018 in reply to MsAshdai]

How are things going? I have been praying for you. Hugs

[butterfly0410]

First of all I just want to say that you are SO not alone! I know exactly what that feels like as I struggle with it myself. I had a previous marriage that was super mentally and sexually abusive and my current husband now treats me so different but things constantly trigger me and we have had our issues because no one is perfect but it affects so much for me when he does certain things and it's not his fault. I find the best way to deal with it is to be honest in those moments. Figure out the route of why you get triggered and let him know so that way he can help by trying to avoid things that trigger you. I know some might think thats unfair to who you are with but if the person you are with loves you they will try to help and give you reasons to gain that full trust you need. And honestly communication is a simple big part of that trust. Or at least find someone you can talk to when those little things happen. I have little things happen all the time that i dont have anyone to talk to about and i feel like when i cant talk to someone then it just builds and builds until i get super depressed or super explosive in anger. I definitely believe you will get better and it wont always feel this way. You just need the support to help you get through it and people who understand. It's definintely hard to go through but be proud of sharing your story because that helps too.

[MsAshdai in reply to butterfly0410]

Thank you! O feel very fortunate to have an understanding partner who is willing to listen. I know how you feel about not having someone else to vent to to release the feeling. Especially when it's related to my boyfriend. I don't want things to get misconstrued about him and why I'm reacting the way I am. Like I said he owned his kistake and I accept he is human and I don't think it's fair that anyone's opinion of him should change bases on a personal matter. Thank you for sharing, it's nice knowing that others can relate. Sometimes it feels like I'm on a lonely island by myself and I don't think anyone would understand!

[butterfly0410 in reply to MsAshdai]

yes i totally get that! it's hard too because when you talk to other people sometimes they always jump to negative conclusions about you or your partner or they jump to "you shouldnt be with them, you deserve better". it can all be frustrating. i deal with a lot i cant even talk to my family about. and my last marriage was abusive and my current marriage is the best relationship ive had and non of my family even came to my wedding because they all had there own opinions of him and my life and yet we are going onto our fourth anniversary and we both had our fair share of mistakes in the beginning of our marriage but we keep growing stronger and stronger. i have isolated myself from a lot of people because of their negative opinions and my parents for their manipulation and wanting to control my life. and from "friends" who were really just not good influences in my life. i used to go clubbing a lot and drink and smoke but i dont do any of that anymore. ive actually been making really good choices for my life lately and my husband has been a huge part of that. but to everyone else in my life they either left because they liked the bad things i was doing and the fact that i would always be the provider of everything (like rides and alcohol) or i separated myself because for some reason it doesnt matter how hard im trying im just always doing something wrong in someones eyes. and its hard to deal with when i care so much and try so hard. i just struggle really hard with things that a lot of people in my life just really dont get

[MsAshdai in reply to butterfly0410]

I get this. When your putting a lot of effort into things that are going to help your goals and everyone around you only sees it from their perspective and are blind to seeing how you're going about life from other angles. It is so hard. It's going to sound awful but we joke that there's a lot of "garbage " people out there because they only see their path, their life and if they way you're going about things doesn't fit their mold you MUST be doing it wrong and they get super negative! You're doing great, not everyone will understand but as long as you're health, happy and on the right track for you, they can fly a kite

[butterfly0410 in reply to MsAshdai]

yeah definitely. my dad made me go see a case manager because i wasnt doing things for my life that HE thought i should be doing and at HIS timing and i was struggling with a lot of anxiety (which he doesnt believe in) so i was doing what i needed to but it took a lot more effort and time for me to do certain things because of me having to fight through all the anxiety just to do them. and when i went to the case manager he said "why do you need me" and i laughed and said "idk, my dad made me see you" and he goes "no seriously, youre doing everything you need to. i have people come to me that cant even fill out applications and they dont work or cant talk to people" and it was frustrating but also nice to hear. nice because i knew it was true. but frustrating because it was a reminder of just how much my dad only saw me as a screw up