ruminating negative thoughts

[blackcatsrule]

I don’t want to go in full story. There was situation between me n my roommates. Everything blow up. Things have been said not so nicely and mature. Now there is tension between us. I gave myself space from them. They are buddy buddy. Im anxious to have conversations with them or be in their present. Basically it’s just small talk. All I can think about all of the shatty stuff that I did to them. How I was inconsiderate? Yes I did stuff for my own benefit. I know this might be excuse for some behaviors on my account. There were times that I’m over anxious and couldn’t do what they asked. Or I said something in certain way . Also I cannot forgot the ways they have hurt me. When they already upset, I did something or used a wrong word . It feels like they taking their anger on me. Few days later, they say they are over it . Feels like I was the cause of their upset Or I tried to be accommodating to their wants and needs but also stay true to myself and give myself(and my cat) our needs and wants. Somehow in the end, I felt like a bad guy. I feel like I’m repeating history cause this happen before with others and I’m only common denominator. And I can’t let go. Part of me wants to changes the past even though I cannot. I know I have to accept i cannot change the past and avoid this uncomforted. I just want to move past this and these thoughts. It hurts to see and hear them getting along and laughing . While im by myself

[Hodge3317]

Hi, I'm glad to hear you are planning to be true to yourself, first. I don't know about you but with my depression, I find myself truly not completely all together. Having disagreements is just part of everyday life, so don't start to get really down on yourself. It must be lonely with your roommates getting along so well, but slowly try to interact with them on unimportant things and hopefully things will improve. Stay strong and remember you're a great person.