How to overcome anxious thoughts.

[Beevee]

Worrying, racing thoughts are a symptom of anxiety that can upset people the most. They do not understand how they keep having these uninvited thoughts that seem so scary and come with such physical force. They fear those thoughts are true which may be about things that mean something to them or a small insecurity. Trying to control these thoughts in any way just makes it worse and sufferers feel bewildered by it all and may even think they are losing the plot (You aren’t).

However,the reason sufferers have these worrying, disturbing thoughts is because they are a symptom of anxiety. These thoughts stick around because an anxious person will spend all their time trying to figure them all out or get rid of them through deliberate distraction. Continuous searching for the elusive answer to end the suffering becomes habit. Basically, you are trying to fix those anxious thoughts with an anxious , tired mind that desperately needs a rest but because your mind is tired and lost its resilience, those thoughts just keep coming and tricks the sufferer into believing they must be true, adding yet more fear into the equation.

These thoughts feel horrible because you have anxiety which acts as a booster rocket, magnifying them considerably, attaching a false sense of importance to them. In other words, a little problem becomes a huge unavoidable problem that you feel obliged to sort out in your head but because your mind has lost its resilience to fend them off, you find it impossible to think around the problem, only the problem itself.

Anxiety is adrenalin that needs an outlet and this includes manifesting itself into scary, irrational, strange thoughts. They are not important and just anxiety bluffing you with its tricks of the mind. In simple terms (and the way it was explained to me) we have anxious, scary thoughts because we have anxiety. It’s that simple.

The following are some examples of scary thoughts which are often referred to as the ‘what ifs’! Some of these may be familiar.

What if no one can cure me?

What if it’s not anxiety, but a different mental problem?

What if my old self is lost forever?

What if there is something else wrong with me, heart problems, brain tumour etc?

What if I lose control?

What if I can't breathe?

What if I have to live like this for the rest of my life?

What if this feeling never goes away?

What if it’s just me that feels like this?

What if I'll never be able to enjoy the things I used to?

What if I have an attack and pass out?

To recover, sufferers need to understand that anxiety is the cause of these distorted thoughts and won’t be there when you recover. In a state of anxiety, it is very easy to become fearful of anything such as your health (every twinge, funny sensation etc is life threatening and no amount of professional reassurance will convince them otherwise) relationships, open spaces (agoraphobia). Sufferers can also develop OCD which is just an avoidance technique to try and keep anxiety at bay. Anxiety loves avoidance.

All of these thoughts are caused by an overly anxious mind and will continue to come while you have anxiety. You cannot stop them coming. However, you do have control over how you react to those thoughts.

To recover, let the thoughts come, let them have their say, let them scare you. They will any way. Sufferers now have a choice here

A. Feed their anxiety by adding more fear (What ifs)

B. Learn not to react or resist or push the thoughts away. (So what!?).

Tip: Choose B

By choosing option B and learning not to care about the content of those thoughts (So what!?), a sufferer stops adding more fear and the thoughts gradually fade away.

Those thoughts are not a true reflection of reality so no matter how loud they may scream demanding your attention, learn to them go. If you give those thoughts the space to have their say, without challenge, they will lose their significance and melt away.

It is not the thoughts that cause the problem, it is the how you react to them that causes the problems. Let yourself think and feel anything, let them come but don't shrink away from them. They are only thoughts, grossly exaggerated by anxiety and completely harmless. They won’t be around when you recover, so dont give them the respect they need to survive because this just feeds your anxiety and keeps it going.

Fighting those thoughts and trying to rid yourself of them is the wrong approach and a battle you cannot win under the circumstances. They will disappear when you stop feeding them. The same principle of acceptance applies to all other symptoms too and with the same end result.

[lillyofthevalley37]

God Bless you for taking the time to write this down and reaching out to us

[SpiritualT]

Im really struggling at the minute. Im 35 years old been checked thoroughly by a cardiologist 12 weeks ago, heart scan the lot and every twinge I get in my chest I am convinced its a heart attack, even though the Consultant said I have a less than 1% chance of a serious cardiac event happening.

I want to go to hospital again for the 70th time (no exaggeration).

[Beevee in reply to SpiritualT]

Resist the temptation, don’t buy into those thoughts and feelings and let it all go. Those twinges are highly likely to be muscle tension caused by all that stress. I used to get that too, along with pain between my shoulder blades.

[SpiritualT in reply to Beevee]

Thank you. My brain has been screaming at me for 3 days to go to the hospital and keeps telling me “what if this time there is something wrong”!

Im only 35 its like I cannot live my life, its like im waiting to drop dead

[Beevee in reply to SpiritualT]

It’s almost as if your thought processes have got stuck like a vinyl record on repeat. I’m hoping you are old enough to remember them😜. Accept even that the thoughts will still come. I’ve been there and know this works.

[SpiritualT]

Thanks Beeve. Yes I remember them. I had “come on eileen” on a vinyl 🤦‍♀️. Its like my brain is stuck in survival mode and thinks every sensation means death and tries to get me to take action!

[Miss-P74]

Hello Beevee.

Thank you for your post.

I love to read your advice.

Just to say. I have learned so much in the past few years through yourself , I have said this before on here, your words and advice have really helped me. Jeff also. I’ve brought the books on Dr Weekes and have snap shots of your page in my notes on my phone and if and when I feel I need a little boost, I read your posts I’ve kept.

You’ve saved my mental health more than you will know.

Thank you 😊

I hope you are well and keeping ok during lockdown.

All the very best

Miss P x

[Beevee in reply to Miss-P74]

Hi Miss P.

Thank you for your kind words and I am very happy that you are in a much better place.

Recovery is a process and think it is just a case of learning the basics [anxiety is uncomfortable but can’t harm you, all the thoughts and feelings are bogus] and then making your own way, regardless of how you are feeling and letting anxiety do it’s worst. Feel the fear and do it any way. It’s a title of a book but that is how recovery is earned, in a nutshell.

It’s all good here thanks and quite enjoying the lock down and working from home. I have a house full (4 kids plus eldest’s girlfriend staying plus a dog) so never a dull moment. Be sad to go back to work!

[Miss-P74 in reply to Beevee]

Thanks for your reply Beevee.

Recovery sure is a process and I been through so many set backs but it has got me to where I am now. I’m happy with that. Learning every day to let go more and more.

Glad all is well you in your land!

Sounds like a fun houseful!

Enjoy it. All the best. 🦋

[MillDrive]

Thank you it’s exactly what I needed to hear. 💐

[bonkers65]

Are you familiar with Mindfulness and if so what are your thoughts on it? A lot of therapists are promoting it.

[Beevee in reply to bonkers65]

I’ve never given it much thought really ( no pun intended...assuming there is one). I did try an app called Headspace but didn’t help, probably because I was too anxious and stressed. At best, it might have provided a little respite but didn’t last long. It might help people with a hectic lifestyle and suffering a bit of stress but wouldn’t scratch the surface of an anxiety sufferer. Like bringing a butter knife to a gun fight!

Ever since the day I picked up Dr Weekes’ book and another called At Last a Life by Paul David, I learnt that to overcome anxiety, you had to feel it all, willingly. That meant dropping any technique or other means of avoiding those thoughts and feelings and changing my attitude from being afraid of the symptoms to losing that fear. Personally, I think mindfulness falls into the category of a technique. Doing something to stop feeling anxious which is the opposite of fully accepting. Acceptance paves the way for the mind and body to recover naturally and brings permanent relief.

I also took the view that I never bothered with any techniques before I developed anxiety so why bother now? I knew that the only thing I had to change was my attitude towards the symptoms and just crack on doing normal stuff like going to work or socialising. It was very uncomfortable and stressful for a while but this is the only way to overcome the disorder. I know how hard it is to do normal things when your mind is filled with fear and dread but I did them anyway, knowing that all the crappiness had to be felt in order be free of it. Slowly but surely, things improved and all the symptoms faded away. For normal feelings to return, you must live a normal life, avoiding nothing and taking the anxiety with you.

Apologies for rambling on but just want people to know that there is a way out of this maze and that is to do the opposite of everything they have been doing to trying and rid themselves of anxiety. It’s the trying part which keeps people trapped in the cycle.

[JP26 in reply to Beevee]

Hi Beevee do you have advice for how to push through the fear and get on with your life when it drains you of your energy and sucks the life out of you? When I’m low like this I have this knot in my stomach and I just feel exhausted and empty and don’t want to do anything or speak to anyone because I feel so drained, it’s hard not to obsess and focus on that when I’m just so shattered and flat

[Beevee in reply to JP26]

Many times I dragged my sorry backside out of bed and literally pointed my body at the day ahead. Anxiety bluffs you into thinking you are shattered and flat but in reality, if there was an emergency, you would find the energy to react. It is just mental and nervous fatigue. The point I’m making is that some effort is possible, no matter how small. Action and achievement are more important than inaction, to quote Dr Claire Weekes. Inaction changes nothing, Anxiety thrives on avoidance so if it screamed at me to stay home, I went out. I just kept challenging those thoughts and feelings by doing the opposite. Slowly but surely, things improved.

[Shanm2]

"Anxiety loves avoidance" I have never thought of this before and yet it holds so much truth. I can relate so much with what you've written here. Definitely needed to read this when my mind works over time! Thank you for this!

[Beevee in reply to Shanm2]

Let it work overtime. Acknowledge the chatter, observe it, like you are eavesdropping and then just let it go. When the thoughts lose your respect, they eventually disappear.

[Shanm2 in reply to Beevee]

I appreciate how you've put this! Thank you so much

[Jeff1943]

Great wisdom born of experience in your post, Beevee. As you say, distraction is not acceptance, it merely delays the day when we must Face our anxiety and Accept it.

Acceptance means: We win not by the punches that we give but by the punches that we take.

[Agora1 in reply to Jeff1943]

Good Analogy Jeff

[Beevee in reply to Agora1]

It is. Like Ali v Foreman at the “rumble in the jungle. “ Ali won the fight with a strategy of allowing Foreman to punch himself to exhaustion by drawing non-injuring offensive punches. Just substitute Foreman for anxiety. Same result.

[Agora1 in reply to Beevee]

Beevee, yet another great analogy regarding Anxiety.

You both are great mentors for us.

[Starrlight]

Just to clarify,

So it’s good to push scary thoughts away like they don’t matter? Or accept or both? Then don’t avoid what may seem scary? Right?

Thanks sooooo much!

[Beevee in reply to Starrlight]

The thought will scare you when it flashes into your mind ( first fear flash). The thought and scariness flashes so quickly, they seem to come at the same time. Anxiety adds the scariness to the thought. You cannot stop the first fear flash and nor should you try. It is just negative energy coming up for release. Don’t try to push it away. That energy wants to be released and is the mind and body’s way of healing. The thought will go all by itself if you let it.

Part 2 is to learn not to bite on that poisonous apple (scary thought) and let it go. If you were to then engage in that thought and worry about it (What ifs 😱😱) you are interfering with the natural healing process by topping up that anxious energy and delaying your recovery.

Recovery is waiting patiently in the wings and will come to you when you no longer care about how you are feeling. It’s being comfortable about not feeling comfortable.

Keep practicing Starrlight. Practice makes perfect.

[Starrlight in reply to Beevee]

Makes sense. Thanks, beautiful.

[Lindsey14]

I really needed this, i have been having it a lot

[Beevee in reply to Lindsey14]

You will be fine. I know it sucks at the moment but you will get better.

[Beevee]

That’s absolutely fine. I am not forcing you into anything. You can take or leave the advice. I hope your therapist can help you to lose your fear of the symptoms.

[Cimmy]

Thankyou for your post, it’s just what I needed, I’m going to follow your advice and control my anxiety and fears. I fight them all the time but now I’m just going to let them have their say and then brush them off thank you beevee

[Jeff1943]

GiadaPeterson, You are right, it would be wrong for you to read a self-help book, a waste of time and money. Any book conveying fresh thinking has to be approached with an open mind and sometimes this is not possible. I wish you every success with your therapíst.

[chamomilevibes]

This sounds really helpful, and I appreciate you taking the time to write this. But, how do I just choose to not care? I'm supposed to be resting right now to recover from my anxious thoughts, but by not engaging with them they just sit there. Choosing to ignore them makes me even more anxious, so by saying "so what" it just makes me more anxious too. Also sometimes I answer the so what with another "what if" so, yeah I don't know what to do. Option A and Option B make me more anxious either way.

[Beevee in reply to chamomilevibes]

I’m generalising when I say not caring. For those troublesome thoughts to disappear, it’s about not caring about the content, not giving the attention they need to survive. I think you may have said on an earlier post that you place belief in them and probably get stressed about it. What if it is true? These thoughts are generated by your anxious mind. They won’t be there when you recover. It’s just negative energy being released, that needs to be released. This is the mind and body’s way of recovering. It’s part of the recovery process but people prolong recovery because they get heavily involved with the content.

Recovery is all about letting yourself feel anxious, going towards it all instead of recoiling. Your anxiety will produce lots of different anxious thoughts. They are just a by-product of anxiety. Nothing more. So when you have these thoughts, learn to just let them go as they are all false.

[Beevee in reply to Beevee]

To give you an example. I had crushing thoughts about my wife. There were times when I felt really scared about being in her presence! I couldn’t bear to look at her because it made me feel even more anxious, if that was possible. Those thoughts felt genuine so I believed them which made me panic even more. What if I had to leave her and my family? I just went round and round in circles.

Had I listened to them, I’m would probably be single. When I finally understood that that they were false and just a figment of an over anxious mind, they still came with the same force for a while but I didn’t question any of it. I just let them go. I didn’t force them away by distraction, I just let them be there and diD nothing to change it because I knew it was just anxious energy that had to be felt to be released and part of the recovery process. This is why you have to go towards those fears in order to release all that built up energy which is caused by sensitisation of your nerves which have been battered into submission by all the worry and stress you have been putting yourself under because you have been wrestling with those thoughts. Let them go.

[chamomilevibes in reply to Beevee]

Thank you for clarifying and adding more context, and I kept having little brief moments where what you said made sense in my brain, but I still don't get it on the whole conceptually about what I do exactly differently between having the anxious thoughts and listening to them/giving them truth, and having the anxious thoughts and letting them pass over me (when I'm anxious, they demand my attention, so I either have to actively choose to give it or not give it, or at least that's where I'm at. I realize this is rather reductive and binary thought, but I don't know what else to do besides those two options).

[Beevee]

Let the thought scare you. That’s the first flash of fear. You have no control over this first flash. That’s it. The next part is where you decide what to do with that flash of fear. Do you add more fear by questioning it such as what if it’s true, what if I don’t get better or worry what the heck is happening to you? Or do you not do any more fear by allowing that thought to scare you and the letting go of it. I remember lots of times where every single thought was laden with fear. Each one shocked me but I learnt not to react to any of them.