Family members

[naty040212]

Does anyone ever feel like their loved ones don’t understand what you go through on a daily basis? My partner always says he understands but yet he gets upset when I am feeling down.

[1947treble]

In any situation, people may relate to an extent but no one is living your life or with your mind. I have to remind myself that God understands or find relief that though it's not completely, me and others do have some common ground. I have tardive dyskinesia and it can sometimes wear on my wife and family that I am so hyper and in public I attract a lot of attention. I can definitely affirm that it hurts but I also realize I do affect other people, and no one in my life is perfect. I've been finding that I need to support and advocate for myself sometimes because in my own heart I know that I am a good person despite my mental and physical symptoms. Self acceptance must occasionally hold me up when no one else can.

[autumnmarie5 in reply to 1947treble]

I loved the comment you made of God understands!! I very often have to remind myself of this and sometimes my human flesh tries to get me to forget it. Thank you for this comment!!!!!

[Skjones]

Sounds like my wife but her culture also doesn't belive mental health is a thing

[naty040212 in reply to Skjones]

So many individuals don’t believe in it. It’s sad when you think about it. My dad doesn’t believe in therapy and all that. And yet my mom suffers from anxiety.

[Booksbeaches in reply to naty040212]

i almost feel like my Dad will just think i am weak. he says he understands but i have heard him say things about others. like, they need to get it together or they are lazy.

[Skjones in reply to Booksbeaches]

I think I n some cases I would agree with your dad some people I have come across have played sick so to speak to get out of doing anything or they have an actual problem and I'll have the same problem but they use it as a crutch to get sympathy

[naty040212 in reply to Booksbeaches]

I have always felt that people would think I am weak. I mean the ADA barely became a law in the late 1990s. I have a lot of family members that suffer from anxiety and I still don’t mention it. My partner aunt is bipolar and because she doesn’t take her meds she gets manic so the family doesn’t really talk to her. When I was diagnosed with bipolar I thought of that happening to me.

[Skjones in reply to naty040212]

Don't get me wrong she tries it's just hard for her with how she grew up but she has gotten more u understanding to a point she often just tells me just get over it and move on but when I'm really bad she's there

[autumnmarie5 in reply to Skjones]

My grandparents and to a certain extent my fiance is like this. I think it's either the older generation or not having enough knowledge about it. A lot of people believe that life is black and white when it's not especially with mental illnesses.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

My mom had trouble with me for some time. She was in denial that anything was wrong with her baby (me). But after therapy started to see that ooh she does have something called generalized anxiety disorder and she learned to be more patient and compassionate.

My dad definitely doesn't understand what is wrong with me. It's not his fault though. He's borderline "special ". He's like Forest Gump. But he gets very concerned for me. If I cry, for get about it 😂 to him it's simple. Just don't do it. If I cry about going to a party, then don't go. If I say I'm scared to drive, then don't.

It took my fiancé a minute to understand it to. But he's got the hang of it. I sometimes worry that I put too much stress on him cause there are things I struggle with because of the anxiety. I end up sad ☹️ I don't want to be a burden to him or anyone.

[naty040212 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I get you. I feel like a burden to my partner all the time. I just started with CBT so I am hoping it’ll help me work out some emotions and help with my relationship.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to naty040212]

I found a counselor today that does CBT. Hoping to schedule an appointment with her soon.

[autumnmarie5 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Hey there CL3V3R-G1RL, I can relate to this!!! My fiance is the same way and sometimes it's very difficult to explain when i'm having a panic attack and that I can't just shut it off. He has never been mean to me about it but the level of understanding just isn't there yet. I'm praying with time he will become more softer towards it and develop a better knowledge to how it works.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to autumnmarie5]

It took mine a little while. Then he began doing research. Cause whatever problem there is an answer and it's probably in a book 😂 He now has a better understanding. He'll repeat positive affirmations to me "You can do this" "you will do this" "You have done this". If by chance I couldn't, he'll be upbeat about it. "You couldn't do it today, that's all. There's always tomorrow." 😁 Helps me feel like less of a loser.

[naty040212 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

That’s you found Cbt. I just started it and it has helped me. I also one day in the middle of the night had raising thoughts and I kept getting panic attacks so idk what caused me to do this but I decided to write everything I was feeling down and man it felt soo good. My partner just doesn’t seem to get. Years ago we got into it because I was depressed and kept having panic attacks and we were fighting and he told me I need to snap out of it. We have an 8 year old and a 5 year old so he said that the kids need me. Yeah dude it’s easier said then done.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to naty040212]

I'm sorry about that. It's much more difficult when you have little ones to look after.

Yeah journaling helps me out with intrusive thoughts or fears. Which reminds me I have to call the counselor to set up my appointment.

[naty040212 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Well good I reminded you. Lol. I have been meaning to do another journal entry but aside from having kids I work with middle schoolers in a low income community. So yeah I am always exhuasted! Lol

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to naty040212]

Well I got an appointment for next Monday 😃I'm a journal collector. I write in some then forget and buy another one because I like the look of it 😂 I need to get better about that 😂

[naty040212 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Journal collector? I have never heard of that. That’s nice. I am so use for writing on computers that I just use my notes app and write on there. It is more convenient just in case I get bad thoughts or anxiety when I am out of the house. I tried an actual journal but I forgot about it

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to naty040212]

Yeah you can't take me to Barnes and nobles because I'll get distracted by all the journals that are there. And I'll buy like 10 of them. Do I have any use for them? Probably not. But I just love the style of them and the feel of them. So easily I am a book collector and a journal collector lol 😂

[naty040212 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

You sound like my cousin. She actually got me into reading romance novels. Now I am on my kindle non stop. It is also a way to help get away for a bit with my mental health. My cousin started collecting actual books now. Lol.

[AndrewT]

Dear naty040212,

let me give you a 'Senario'.... Person A joins a large company, that make specialist car parts- for Indurance Engines. The Person HAS 'done their Homework' and knows All About The Company.

However despite the Persons 'Best Efforts' (s)he cannot seem to Get It Right, as regards the Companies requirements.... Mainly because (s)he is New and the Company Systems 'developed' over time.

Do you see what I'm Driving At here? Your Family & Friends, Really DO Care about you but- especially when you become Depressed- They find it Difficult to Comunicate, with you. I suspect that, due to NO fault of your own, you can be- how can I put this- 'Less Than Receptive' to offers of 'Help', at these times. (be honest didn't you give Uncle Brian, rather a Mouthful, last week?)

My advice is this.... find a time, when you, your Family & Friends plus any Carers you may have- can sit down and Talk. Explain, in as friendly way as you can, how you See It- from Your Point Of View. (Exactly Why you didn't want your Hair 'Done', in the Middle of that Documentory. That you are, very genuinly Sorry, that you called Glenda 'An Interfering Old Bat'- when she asked you How You Wanted Your Eggs.) Be prepared to 'Listen' yourself, Tom & Paul Really DON'T like your Walking Stick 'Left' by the Freezer. (but hey You don't want Their Motorbike 'left' by the Bins!)

In other word an Understanding needs to be reached- one of Love & Perseverance, one that is Flexable (and Forgives Mistakes) but forms part of a Framwork, by which you all live together.

Yes Mistakes, Setbacks, Bad Days and so on WILL Occur but this is your Family and if you can't get 'Upset' with Them........

Can I finish by giving you ALL my

Very Best Wishes

AndrewT

[naty040212 in reply to AndrewT]

We have talked about it and when we are calm he gets it but when we are fighting he throws everything we talked about out the window. I have put him through a lot also. I also have adhd so the first part you said about the company thing. Yeah that is me. I am 32 and the longest job I have had is 3 years. I started working at 18. I have lost so many jobs because I make mistakes or get panic attacks, or don’t understand something. It has been horrible. The worst part is that I didn’t know what was wrong with me until I finally got diagnosed with adhd and anxiety, then later depression and then 2 or so years later bipolar.

[Sam1109]

Yeah it's constant. My problems are not severe but there is no one else who knows I'm struggling to feel well enough to do anything most of the times. I had a friend who had anxiety a depression his whole life, he understood it but he passed away last July. So now no one gets it, even though whenever I saw I don't want to do something i explain why. I'm physically sick from anxiety disorder even though I'm not feeling anxious, it is still happening. People just don't get it unless they have it themselves.

[MaggieSylvie]

My partner has no interest in how I am or how my conditions affect me. He knows his selfishness caused me to have compression fractures but still can't understand why I can't climb to the top of a steep hill (with ruin on top), carry anything heavy or lean across a table to reach something. He has never broken a bone in his life and does what he wants when he wants. He angrily blames my fatigue on not going out for walks.

[DJB74]

Hey there. Im in a very similar situation. Feel free to message anytime you need to talk or vent

[naty040212 in reply to DJB74]

Hi!! Tell me more! Lol

[DJB74 in reply to naty040212]

Hey Naty,, It's a pleasure to meet you. Im David. Im sorry for such a delayed response. I work 12 to 14 hours a day usually. So I am 48 and have anxiety and depression that pretty much causes a continuous battle in my head,, making me feel worthless,, and hopeless. Ive been married 29 years and despite her efforts my wife doesn't suffer from depression as I do so she sees it as something controllable. The rest of my family is the same and even tries to compare their self inflicted issues to mine. Theyll say something like I know that happens to me. I have that too, etc. Nobody really wants to know how you are, so you just put on a smile, you're on your knees on the inside but have to stand strong for everyone else, sometimes it would just be nice to fall in a heap with someone like yourself and talk and cry it out with someone who really gets it. Who messages you every day to give and receive encouragement who can read between the lines when you say,, In ok or Im good. So I just go alonglike a machine, working, providing, parenting, coaching, helping others while feeling absolutely nothing

[naty040212 in reply to DJB74]

You get me! I only talk about my problems with my partner of 8years and my cousin. She just tells me she hopes I feel better and let’s me vent. Obviously because she is the 3rd party and the issues are usually at home. If I talk to him when we are good then he listens and is understanding but when we are fighting it’s a completely different story. He says I use my mental health as the reason for my mistakes. Getting fired from jobs, not passing a class at school, taking me 13 years to get my BA, etc. so I do what you do. I put a smile on, laugh if it is funny but deep down I am thinking of me being a failure and why do I have to suffer from depression, anxiety, adhd, and bipolar! Why me you know!

[DJB74 in reply to naty040212]

Exactly! Looking at other people and thinking, I wish I was normal like them and had my stuff together. What's wrong with me? But then lately, I think you know what if some things I think are just a result of being different than the rest of the world? Instead of blending in that world, (pushing a square peg in a round hole) I need people like me to connect with where its smooth and natural because our personalities (effected by depression and anxiety which usually cause us to be non conformist, free thinkers). I literally have no one to connect with on this level, so more often than not, my mind, body and spirit are tired, weak and empty. Thats not how I was meant to live. I want to live and thrive but not like this.

[Midnight-Blue]

Don’t feel bad - you definately are not the only one! I have been with my Life Partner over 27yrs; found out Inhad major depression, generalized anxiety and PTSD (non-combat related even though a Veteran.). And, if that isn’t bad enough was diagnosedw/MS almost 7 yrs ago. He told me from the beginning that he “knows it’s badç” but doesn’t want to talk about it! This way it’s NOT a part of me which is his only way of coping. Ocassionally I’ll bring the topic of MS or depression up but only if it in relation to me. And, it’s OK! (And, not to be flippant but my Cat will listen to whatever I have to say. !))

[autumnmarie5]

Yes!! I am glad someone has spoken about this. Suffering from GAD, my fiance is very sweet but doesn't understand what anxiety is. He tells me "I don't get it just turn your brain off" "Don't let anxiety win" and i'm like UGH. It's hard to be told that sometimes because if we could handle it that easily we would. He doesn't have any mental health issues so for him life is very black and white when it really isn't legitimately like that. Even for my mom who says she deals with anxiety and understands but not near to the extent of being diagnosed and having the symptoms of it 24/7. That's another reason I am very thankful for this forum, I find it easier sometimes to confide or request advice from strangers who are dealing with similar situations rather than people I am close to. I feel as if there is a lack of judgement there or it's as if I don't care if i'm being judged. I completely get it and hate that you are going through this. If you need someone to talk to I always have a listening ear. Hope all gets better 😊

[naty040212 in reply to autumnmarie5]

Omg yes! Same problems here! No one in my inner circle suffer from mental health. My moms side has a ton of family members that have anxiety but they are very conservative so no one talks about it. My husbands family has an aunt that is bipolar and doesn’t take her meds and a great aunt who has schizophrenia. They have seen the worst so I just don’t feel I can talk to them without judgement. The few friends I do have it’s just idk. I guess I just can’t. I have mentioned things here and there but never talked to them constantly about what I go through. Omg yes! I came across this forum and now I am on it more then fb. Lol. I love having a community of people that know what I am going through. It has honestly released a lot of my stress lately. I am here to talk also if you need to.

[Hidden]

I’ve dealt with this a lot due to my physical health. I have multiple invisible illnesses and don’t look sick. It can be very frustrating. Maybe just talking about how your feeling with this person about how you feel due to their reaction and maybe suggest some ways you’d like to see them support you. I’ve learned that using “when you______ I feel ________Id prefer________ is a good way to discuss communicating with someone on concerns you may have.

If they can do this, they may not have the ability to react the way you want them to. No one can truly understand what it’s like to walk in our shoes. No matter how much explaining we do. Good luck! 👍