How to explain depression to family members

[srb1026]

Here's the quick back story. My bf and I have been together a year and a half. He has been struggling with a deep depression for the last 4 months. I am struggling with this in general. But my friends and family aren't helping. They don't understand what depression is, they have never experienced it or been exposed to it before. How can I help them understand the severity of this? They keep telling me that im stupid for staying with him and that he is a worthless piece of crap who uses "depression" as an excuse to act sad.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any ideas??

[tubi9]

Explain that depression doesn't equal sadness. Depression is a serious illness that no one WANTS to have. Some of us are high functioning with depression. Some of us are not high functioning (Major depression). Depression is like having a dark shroud over your life that you can never seem to shake. No amount of positive books , nature, or advice can lift you out. Sometimes you function in society through fear, but a person with depression is never happy. It's often due to brain chemistry issues and neutrotransmitters involving serotonin,dopamine, and norepinephrine.

Quite frankly these friends of yours don't sound like people to be around either.

[srb1026 in reply to tubi9]

Yes I've tried that approach and a few friends seem to be more understanding. My family however is not as receptive.

[tubi9 in reply to srb1026]

Perhaps scientific literature?

[srb1026 in reply to tubi9]

Well... The two main critics are my grandfather and brother. And to be blunt they are both very stubborn old fashioned guys who just don't think this is a legit thing. No amount of scientific literature will get through to them

[tubi9 in reply to srb1026]

Idk, my therapist said she's seen big gym dudes with severe depression. And they cry a lot.

[LovelySnow]

It's so hard. I think depression is so misunderstood. Having dealt with it myself, I feel it is more complicated than just a chemical imbalance in the brain. But that's a bit off topic.

I would say know where you can find support. If it isn't with your relatives, keep looking. It sounds like you are already doing that. 🌸

[MT2018]

Just thinking about what you said about the guys. It's been my experience that there are some people you just can't change. You can lead them to water (giving them literature and knowledge, but it doesn't mean they will heed any of it. My suggestion is to limit your interaction with them and don't take it personally when you do see them. Meanwhile, what are you and your boyfriend doing to get support to deal with the depression? When both are down in a relationship, who will lift them up? Do you have friends or positive family members? A church family? A local mental health support group? Take care of yourself-because the holiday season tends to make life harder for many dealing with depression. HUGS.

[srb1026 in reply to MT2018]

I am the care taker for my grandpa so it's difficult to limit that, but I have with my brother. My boyfriend and I are just trying to take it one day at a time. Difficult for sure but I wouldn't be here if he wasn't the one. Depression sucks but he is absolutely worth it

[fauxartist]

Sadly that's usually not possible unless they have depression and can understand it. It is always a problem for those of us with depression to explain it to our loved ones. The best advice I could give you is to just stop trying, and tell them you appreciate their concern, but being supportive and understanding is all you really need from them. Even if they don't understand it....it's okay. I hope your BF is getting some professional help as that is what it takes to initially get help with learning how to manage and cope the best you can with this disease, there is no cure, it's not his fault, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain, but there is hope for a life with depression. There are always going to be ups and downs with this disease even when we are on meds, doing therapy, and group work....it's just the nature of the beast. Best wishes to you.....