Just want to get some things out. My head is so full it makes me feel physically sick. I'm in a toxic relationship. Well at least I think I am. What I know for sure is that he makes me feel worthless, lonely and he shows no respect for me. And still I can't leave. We got into a fight last night and it just pushes me into this hole and I can't get out for days. And now while he's pretending like everything is amazing and we're good I'm just dying on the inside. It physically hurts. And I'm all alone. And I keep pretending I am okay because telling him I feel horrible won't change a thing. He won't catch me. He won't comfort me. He'll just say "everything will be alright" and I'll take it and go on. Loving him has been the most painful thing I've ever done... And somehow I can't let go I just can't. We have such good times as well and whenever we get along I feel so happy... But I deserve so much more. I deserve unconditional love I deserve respect and to be someones priority. For the first time ever I told him last night that every time he starts treating me so badly I can't handle it and my mind goes crazy and I just want to die. He responded that's just weak. Can't even describe how much this rejection hurts. How can I even love someone like that?.... Well thanks for letting me rant.. Thanks for listening.
Toxic relationship? : Just want to get... - Anxiety and Depre...
Toxic relationship?
Please get yourself out. Talk to a local womens abuse, counselor, shelter, whatever is available so you can have the emotional and monetary support (if needed). He is employing classic gas lighting and mind screwing techniques. People like this almost always get physical. Yes you do deserve more and you can have it. Just not with him. He is not capable.
I second what blueruth says - you deserve much more! I hope you find the strength to leave and love yourself
I feel for you , I was in a similar situation years ago. I left him, not without a huge fight. I needed help from the police to get my property. I hope you see sense before you get hurt, mentally or physically.
Well I live at his place which makes it harder to go. I've been going through depression and this relationship is triggering me so much I feel like he's sucking out every bit of energy I have left. But then I do question myself sometimes if maybe he's right and I'm the problem. Because if it is really my fault then I'll always have these kind of issues in every coming relationship. I'm just so scared and lonely and I can't gather the strength to just go... Somehow I still have hope for a happy end with this man as ridiculous it may sound... Sometimes I wish he'd be actually physically abusive I often feel l like I could handle that way better than mental abuse... Feel horrible just saying it but I'm such a sensitive person and his behavior is just so hurtful I'd rather hurt physically than enduring more mental pain.
What would it be like to make an exit plan? For when you feel ready.
I kind of have one. And I really did wanna go but then things changed again and we got along so well for a while. I am planning exactly what I am gonna do once I feel strong enough to go but I'm scared this moment will never come.
Do reach out to an abuse group. They have gone through it and can offer advice that you hadn’t thought of. They won’t try to force you to leave because you have to initiate but they can help. The honeymoon/ makeup phase is temporary. Every time the cycle repeats it gets worse. This is a pattern many women know. I’m thinking just leaving would make you feel stronger.
Thank you. That's a lot of help. I'll look up abuse groups in my area and I'll try to reach out. His behavior might hurt me but it actually strengthens my belief in myself. He often makes me feel worthless but only for a while and then I come back even stronger fighting for me and myself. He doesn't deserve me. And over the past weeks I managed to distance myself more and more emotionally. I'm gonna be okay. I can do this.
How does living at his place make it hard for you to go? I'm in a similar situation but we bought our house together over thirty years ago. It's full of my furniture apart from one large piece. I've paid most of the mortgage, for the conservatory, for the solar panels, the battery, etc and am now paying thousands for further upkeep. If I leave I will have to rent a place and either leave my furniture behind or empty the house - if I can find a rental big enough to take it all.
Leaving, especially in my advanced years, would give me a massive headache! Also, the narcissism and gaslighting I'm at the mercy of is probably mostly due to my partner's Type 1 Diabetes. Every now and again he says he behaves this way because he's stupid, but it doesn't stop him calling me "thick" because I don't know things he hasn't told me of. Today I am being made to feel that I'm responsible for every little thing and I'm worn out, especially when I'm being "put in the wrong" deliberately because I wasn't aware of an appointment I was supposed to drive him to. Doesn't it make you want to scream? We both should really get out more!
🙁
With this relationship ends maybe then the good times will begin with someone new, relationships like this are soul destroying
Leave and make plans for a new positive environment to live in
There are many organisations that can help this life you are in is cruel and unacceptable. Move on Can you consider getting Him kicked out of your home
BOB
If you love a person it is always hard to let go. If married then you also have vows to consider. Communication and reason seems the answer. I think you feel your partner is being unreasonable and from your perspective he is, but I don't know his perspeective. I think you need to sit down calmly with him and tell him exactly how you feel and your thinking. You will need to stand up to him, because you are worthy and need love and consideration, If you do this he may respect you much more. You have to work at your marriage/partnership to conme closer to one another, and communication is essenttial. Bottling it up is self harm.
Loneliness is terrible, you need some friends, Do you have family? They are so important.
Don't go down the path of cancel culture, do everything you can to make it work, for both of you.
My youngest son married a German giirl and she has great values, Lutherian.
Well, I hope this help. Try some meditation, great for mind relaxation.
Thanks for your words. I totally agree with you. I've been trying to make it work. I've been fighting for this relationship a lot. And we've grown together and changed together and actually did build a life together. But there is this one thing about him I just can't live with. And he actually agrees with me and he wants to change. But the question is if I am strong enough to wait until he changes. I know believing your partner is gonna change for you is stupid to some people but I know him and I know he's been through a lot in life and I do respect that and I do want to give him the space to grow. He deserves a loving person like me to help him through his trauma. But I'm getting tired. He is a great person. And I'm not trying to sugarcoat this relationship. So I do want to fight and communicate better, we both do, but I'm just so exhausted. I'm fighting my own battles in my head and I just need to finally settle and have a calm and safe realtionship. My therapist told me I should not stress too much about breaking up because I can do that any time. Whenever I feel like it's enough I can just go. So if I want to keep trying that's okay. I just need to look out for myself as well. I'm sorry if I sound a bit lost it is just all very confusing and I'm just very tired. Thanks for listening.
You need to leave. I've been in a very similar situation and I'm leaving after 25 years. He wont change and your feelings wont either. Please get yourself help and find a place to go, you deserve happiness.
Can you tell me more about your relationship? Somehow I keep convincing myself it's not that bad. How can I be sure nothing will change? He's changed a lot on the past and he's been improving for months... It all makes me so hopeful. So if you don't mind could you share how you figured out you need to go?
For years I've been going back and forth with myself if I should stay or just run away, is it me or him. My husband has had many affairs and always blamed me. He said I wasnt doing enough, I wasn't giving him enough attention, called me worthless. But then would send me messages during the day saying he loved me so much and couldn't live without me! Well a few weeks ago I found out he was trying to hook up with a friend of mine(a man). I knew I couldn't allow him to do this to me again, he tried telling me the same crap he did when he was caught so many other times before. I'm not hearing it. It's been 25 years, hes not going to change, and I just want to be happy again. Like you I'd rather the physical abuse versus the mental and emotional abuse. The scars on the inside hurt alot worse and longer. Its gonna be hard at first but you can do it, please dont stay you are only hurting your own mental health.
I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. Really breaks my heart reading this and I hope you can finally start to heal now that you got yourself out of this horrible situation. You deserve to be happy. And me too. I really have to start standing up for myself and cut out the people in my life who make me feel worthless. Life is too short to waist it. Thank you and take care of yourself.
i am sorry for answering late when you needed me most, us low self-esteem we need love and affection to feel good, and when we find someone gives us a little bit of it we think it's worth facing all shit and toxic shit just to feel that low small moment of happiness while we are worth more than that but it's difficult since we can't think of it so we keep dig deep and bury ourself
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