Relationship help

[BossMom2019]

When I found out I was pregnant me and my sons dad were freshly broken up, and at first I didn’t want anything to do with him... then I started thinking to myself maybe I should give my son the chance of having a family since I grew up in a broken one. So I started getting attached but we were still single and he was doing what he wanted. I tried to look pretty so he would notice me but it didn’t work. I began to get depressed cause it made me feel ugly and alone and like I had failed my son of giving him a family. Months after I had my son I moved back with his dad but the situation hasn’t changed. It still hasn’t. I don’t feel as bad but it still hurts because even though after we broke up I didn’t want him I still love him so much! I feel alone! Feel like I lost my bestfriend! This shit hurts! Some nights I wait until my son goes to sleep and I just cry! But when someone doesn’t want you there’s nothing you can do about it😭

[meredithr]

I absolutely understand your plight. I’ve tried over and over to make my relationship with the father of my child work.

You should never have to feel ugly and unworthy

Your child will be happy when you are happy. Best of luck

[senorab12]

I think you’re hurting yourself by being with your son’s dad, I know you love him but if he doesn’t want to get serious with you, you can’t do anything about it, sadly... you can’t force love. And if you keep it like this your son will notice and it won’t do him any good. I think you should get out of there and start a new life but still maintaining him close to your son not you. I know it’s hard but you’ll feel so good when you overcome this. You can do it! You’ll find someone that really appreciates you if you give yourself the chance... I’m here for you.

[quitter333]

1. I cannot even comprehend how one gets pregnant accidentally. Have you heard of this fine invention called a condom? Otherwise it is your both fault.

2. Unless you actually want the relationship, and HE wants it too, you shouldn't force it.

3. The Father however should take mature responsibility for his offspring. Having parents that don't live together does not mean the family is broken.

For a child to grow up in a family where the mother can't control herself and weeps every other day is probably much worse than to not have a father at his side.

Pls.. kids without father usually find a father figure somewhere rather quickly (relatives, teachers, their sports teacher, military, among friends etc. ).

[BossMom2019 in reply to quitter333]

Who said any one got pregnant accidentally??

[quitter333]

"When I found out I was pregnant me and my sons dad were freshly broken up"

That means you screwed and immediately separated. Separation that quickly means you didn't really expect to stay together - that means you both shouldn't have had planned for a child - that means it was accidental.

[BossMom2019 in reply to quitter333]

We were in a relationship before we broke up... I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 2 months, and it was after our break up... so what are you getting at?

[quitter333 in reply to BossMom2019]

i'm getting that you superfocused on one word instead of the whole.

[Esther228]

Hi, my friend.

I can sure sympathize with you wanting to have your family all living and thriving together. Since you mentioned that you and your ex are currently living together, it makes me think that he may be wanting a family, too.

I’ve found that love is a choice and I get to choose daily to love my husband, no matter what. Through those good times and bad.

One thing that my husband and I did before we got married was to attend a premarital class. Our church sponsored it, and I have to say, I didn’t want to do it! I was reluctant because I am more conservative and didn’t want all my “stuff” out there and up for debate. What I found is that it wasn’t like that. We had workbooks and we discussed the issues that we were reviewing with one another in private, and when we met as a group then we went over things in general. We both came away from that experience all the stronger. Do you think that your son’s father would be open to something like that for you and him to attend? I am sure thinking of you and hoping that your family becomes all that you have hoped that it would.

[BossMom2019 in reply to Esther228]

After my last anxiety attack I moved back to my home town, and probably not... but it is what it is right?

[Esther228]

Well, all I know is that sometimes we have to work on ourselves first. I had to work through a lot of emotions when my ex-husband and I broke up. It was horrible. I really wanted my family to be together, because I feel it is important, too.

What I found, is that I can't change anyone else, but I can change myself and how I react to what is going on around me. I've read a lot of books about relationships and how to navigate through them. What I can't control or change, I let go of it. I have that choice and ability.

Do you like to read? Or listen to Podcasts? I also use online resources that have great information that helps me to understand what I'm going through. Let me know if you need some help finding something that might help.

[BossMom2019 in reply to Esther228]

Yes! I used to love to read, then I quit... I want to get back to it!!

[Willowhouse in reply to Esther228]

Just wondered how you are doing. I have found myself in the position my husband has left me after 15 years and I’m really struggling to cope and get through the emotions.. just cry and feel low.. any advice pls

[Esther228 in reply to Willowhouse]

I am so sorry, Willowhouse, that you are going through this and I did a lot of crying, too.

If you can, I would suggest getting involved in a local church. For me, making some good Christian lady friends was instrumental in my recovery. It took a while for me to realize that I was "okay". I moved away from putting my trust in "man" and put it in the Lord instead. My life has been transformed and I can say that it has been so very good.

What I lost, was restored. I am grateful for God's many blessings and I don't take any of it for granted. I'm sure thinking of you and pray that you find the same happiness that I did.

[Willowhouse in reply to Esther228]

Thank you so much. It’s so hard I just want to stop feeling so sad and down. Everyone says I will be fine but struggling to see a way forward at the minute.