Alone again,naturally.

[secrets22]

I am finding every day a nightmare to get through and the atrocious weather does'nt help.I get asked out but decline to go,like today a friend wanted me to go to Cribbs Causeway near Bristol but i'm not up to driving in torrential rain,in fact i dont much like driving at all.

This winter has seemed unending,its dragging on for months,and i dont remember such a long drawn out winter,and the recent storm Eunice has just about finished me off,i found it terrifying and i hav'nt had the will to check on the gardens.I just feel like a bag of nerves,and scared of everything.

Yesterday was the first time i had been out for a week,and i had to go out to buy essential groceries,and then rushed back home,and what a relief to open my front door as home is the place i feel most safe.

Without doubt the past few years has changed me,i have gone from being a social animal,to one of shutting myself away,and i know its not good,but my safe haven is my home.

I do believe the pandemic has changed many of us,and i doubt we will ever fully recover,and our lives will never be as they once were,its a new way of living,one which we will have to get used to.

[Hidden]

I went to cribs causeway years ago and you aren't missing much by staying in!

New Years Day I became extremely frustrated and angry myself over a noisy party and I had rung the noise team who weren't around that night which hadnt helped my temper and had gone for a walk round the neighbourhood to calm down!

Then it was 11.30pm and people were still coming in and I was beyond frustrated and ready to snap and I had rung 999 as I didn't know what else to do as I was extremely agitated that night!

About 10 days later I received a call off the noise team from the city council one Monday lunchtime and I was annoyed and had said down the phone now's not a good time bye and had put the phone down and it wasnt lies as I wasn't discussing private things in a public park!

When I Get told someone will ring me it really aggravates me as it feels like I am being fobbed off and that my concerns Are silly and trivial and don't matter.

Back in 2019 I had an episode where I was in distress and had rung a support line who had made things worse and I had hung the phone up on them when they laughed at my concerns!

Point is in regard to concerns things that upset one don't upset someone else and the concern is important to that person personally.

I find it extremely maddening when those who Are paid to help us decide they don't want to!

Now time has gone by I can laugh about that back in 2019 as time helps with problems but at the time I had felt devastated like the world had ended when that happened!

Last week we went to Swansea which we enjoyed even though it rained but still it was out.

On Friday I had been due for a job interview but it got cancelled due to the storm and I wasn't upset and feel it was life telling me no again!

How's the dogs getting on?

[secrets22 in reply to Hidden]

oh yes,twice i phoned the Samaritans and neither time were they any help,awful,and i was in a bad place at the time. MY 4 legged friends keep me going.

[Arymretep]

secrets22 You are so right, I feel as if I’ve lost two years of my life , no holidays weekends away etc, and now this terrible weather is keeping us in again, how much longer can it last, as someone in their seventies I can’t afford to lose time, I agree , I think it’s changed everyone, and even though Boris is lifting all covid restrictions soon , which some scientists don’t agree with by the way, are we really safe, who knows, I will still be very wary of being in crowded places etc which makes us all on edge, roll on Summer when at least we can get out into the garden.

[secrets22 in reply to Arymretep]

i hear you,its a truly depressing time,and i will still be wearing a mask....forever i reckon.