Urges/thoughts

[aeh8938]

I have recently been having these urges (if that is the right word) of harming myself. Last night I had this urge to just jump out my flat window, I have never had these thoughts/urges before and I have been suffering anxiety and depression for 3 years. I know that I won't act upon these thoughts but I am worried that I will start going backwards in my progress or lash out at co workers. I have started to have panic attacks again the first since October last year.

[Gr8ful]

Yes. These are very scary thoughts, it’s called Ideation—where you have these thoughts of harming yourself but do not actually have a plan to follow through. I often have all sorts of wild thoughts, I see myself breaking down in a public place or running up the street screaming for help. I’m not certain if they are a set back from moving towards recovery because they are often just there, they sort of pop in and I see them but I push them away, sometimes it’s very hard to do and it’s definitely scary and I’ll question if I’m just losing my mind. I’ve been told that I’m the case of depression or PTSD or anxiety that it’s not uncommon but to be very aware of how long the thoughts linger. Remember they are just thoughts, just as you have 1000 other things run through your mind in a day. Even in our darkest moments, if we look for them our happy, hopeful thoughts are still there too. You’re not alone.