There is always hope, you will get better in time.

[Kkimm]

I walked by this pond at dusk and could hear the water birds getting ready to settle for the night. A sense of peace and security came over me and I thought how very different I had felt nearly five years ago when I first became ill with GAD.

Walking out in the evening alone would have been impossible without being overcome by a sense of fear and sickness and a sensation that I was not really there. That somehow I was watching myself go through the motions of life. The feeling of depression which accompanies the anxiety was perhaps the worst. It was based on my sense that my reality was now changed forever and that I was doomed for the rest of my life to this nightmare world. A very caring GP who had been through the same thing himself was crucial in my first steps to recovery. He prescribed antidepressants and convinced me that they would work if I stuck with them despite the horrific side effects at first. Everyone's experience of antidepressants is different but I must say they have been an absolute life saver for me. This is despite having found the first two or three months on them horrendous. I felt even worse than I had before starting on them and that was saying something.

I so feel for those of you who are going through this now. At the time I went through it I thought I was the only person in the world whose life had been shattered like this. It seems so strange now that I could have inhabited this lonely and frightening existence so fully when I had always thought of myself as a happy confident person until this illness struck me following some life traumas in fairly quick succession and a big dose of work stress I thought I could handle.

If you are going through this now, please understand that there is light on the horizon and you will get through this. More than anything else you are not alone.

I could not face communicating with anyone else online when I was really ill so I felt completely alone and that my partner had no understanding or sympathy for my plight. I now realise that my illness had scared him so badly that he was really only able to help in small ways. Being there was one of them and perhaps in the end the most important one of all.

Luckily I also have a wonderful adult daughter who rang me every day and talked and talked to me and reassured me of her love and support. I also had a couple of really wonderful friends who listened and listened and tried hard to understand.

You will get there, there are so many people here who have been, or are going through the same thing.

My thoughts and very best wishes go out to everyone suffering from anxiety, depression and the accompanying loneliness.

If anyone needs a listening ear I will always reply with sympathy if you message me.

Kim

[DeeBee60]

I know that Nature can be a great comfort Kim. When I was at my worst with Anxiety/Depression nothing comforted me and I felt like I was watching life, through a pane of glass. Gradually and Slowly, this feeling is easing. With Meds and positive thought, I feel, almost back to my Normal. Lovely Pic! Dee

[Kkimm in reply to DeeBee60]

Thanks for your lovely reply Dee.I know exactly what you mean about the image of looking through a pane of glass. That is a very good way to describe it.

Thanks for the lovely comments on the photo, it felt appropriate.

I am so glad your depression is lifting, I thought this photo appropriate for that feeling.

Very best wishes.

Kim

Blue sky with gulls flying

[Mrspjsmom]

Thank you. I often hold on to hope and find peace in nature. They are the brightness I need to keep going. I look forward to your posts, photos and words of wisdom. You help me more than you know.

[Kkimm in reply to Mrspjsmom]

I am so pleased to hear that. Photography is a hobby of mine and like you I just love nature.I am so pleased that my posts help you. That's what I am hoping, that people will gain from reading them and will get relief or at least a distraction from suffering.

Hopefully you will enjoy this photo also.

I took it when going on a walk around a lake near my little Welsh cottage.

I have just come back from a week there on my own. It is so relaxing to be completely alone with all the beautiful mountain and moorlands around me. This was taken during an interlude of sunshine among the showers which was so delicious. It lit up the bracken covered mountain slopes so they turned a beautiful copper colour and the lichen on the grey rocks shone out lime green. The soft grey of the naked trees of the surrounding woodland was the perfect foil to the colours. The effect in this photo is created by taking the photo into the sun. It turns the scenery black, the sky bright blue and enhances the reflections on the lake.

Do let me know if you are feeling better, I have been thinking about you and hoping you are out of pain now.

Very best wishes

Kim

Looking across a mountain lake with a monument in the foreground.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Kkimm]

The photo is breathtaking. And thank you for explaining how you got the effect. I like to take photos of nature. When I am outside and something catches my eye like a beautiful sky I take several photos with my phone then save the best one and sometimes crop it a bit or sharpen the image. I am still struggling with the severe back pain as I wait for an MRI and a nerve induction study. I just got approved by the insurance company for the MRI but it hasn't been scheduled yet. I have the nerve induction study on March 7th. That's the first appointment that was available. Trying to do what I can without making the pain worse. Today that was very little but tomorrow may be better. The xrays they already took show some loss of bone density. Just waiting for all the puzzle pieces so I can come up with a plan.

[Kkimm in reply to Mrspjsmom]

I really hope so.Thanks for the lovely comments about the photo

[Hope4me1]

What a wonderful, insightful writing! I understand what you went through and also found the other side in the peace I feel often now. There is hope. Support from your family and friends is so important! Reach out! Don’t let yourself be lonely. There are caring people in the world😊🌻

[Kkimm in reply to Hope4me1]

Thank you for your wonderful reply. You are so right about support from family. I also gain alot now from being alone too. However that is in the context of knowing they are there for me when I return.I am so glad you are better too.

This is another photo which symbolises hope and recovery to me also.

I hope you enjoy looking at it also.

Very best wishes

Kim

Seascape with dark clouds with the sun coming through

[Kkimm]

Hi ChavivLeon.Thanks for such a lovely reply.

Yes I have written something which I am in the process of trying to get published. Very unlikely to succeed as it is a first attempt, waited til I was in my 50s to start and only just finished now in my 60s. It's also pretty short so I won't win any prizes for speed. I finally got it finished during lockdown.

Message me if you would like to know more about it.

Thanks again.

Kim

[Hope4me1]

Beautiful!! I still have my ups and down days. But I’m happy to say mostly better than I have been in the past!😊

[Kkimm]

Thanks I will read it soon