Very disturbed

[Disturbed7233]

I'm over 50, diagnosed with PTSD, BPD, Severe Anxiety and Severe depression. I'm in an abusive relationship, mostly emotional abuse but every couple of months he makes it physical as well. I have no family or friends due to his controlling ways so I have nobody to support me or care about me. My life is so black and empty. I've been dealing with molestations I endured at ages 3, 5, 9-12, 13 and 14. By 5 different family members, none blood relation. I also sustained physical abuse and mental/emotional abuse. Then as an adult, I've been in abusive relationships 99% of the time and I've been sexually assaulted twice in my adulthood. I really need to feel like I'm worth something and know that someone in this cold dark world does care. I attempted suicide 4 times, the last attempt was in 2018 and I dont want my emotions to go that far again.

[Hidden]

That sounds so rough. Some times it can really be a struggle to survive. But you’re still here on this planet, God’s not through with you yet. Believe that your life has purpose even if you just don’t see it now. I hope and pray that eventually you can find a better situation where you’re not being abused. No one deserves to be anyone else’s doormat.

[blackcat64013]

Hi,

Thanks for your post and reaching out to us.

You are worth so much more than to be abused by anyone and especially a life partner.

I believe the US has a National Domestic Violence Hotline so I have put the information I know here for you.

The Hotline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, providing essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse.

Contacts to The Hotline can expect highly-trained, expert advocates to offer free, confidential, and compassionate support, crisis intervention information, education, and referral services in over 200 languages.

Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

Text "START" to 88788

Website thehotline.org/about/

💜s from me 🦘