Endorphins from the hikes gone, side effects from new med Lexapro. Tired of thinking. Watching a movie for distraction but it’s triggering me but I want to finish watching it because I relate so much to it it’s teaching me so... wanting to isolate so thought at least I could try writing so I don’t feel too alone...
Anyway sending as many positive vibes as I can muster up to you all (((((((((((((((
Do something nice for yourself.
Sweet Starrlight, I have little things that I look forward to each day.I am never bored, so much to do, so little time in each day.
But I always make time to treat myself to a favorite meal, treat or
movie.
By the end of the night, I feel content and happy that I accomplished something
today, no matter how big or small.
When I sink into the mattress at night, it's more than comfortable to know
I did good.
Just as you did good today Starrlight. Hugs, Agora1 
xx
I like this. Very positive. Very nice and I hope I can do this; I will try.
So sorry to hear how you are feeling.
Thanks so much for caring Kkimm
Sending lots of positive vibes back your way!
Thank you so Livelydively I feel them.
Hi Starlight
I really identified w you so much when you talked a few days ago about things from growing up in your family to feelings of hating yourself and current issues w your kids. You reminded me how difficult it was for them in school sometimes with their add/ learning difficulties. I often had to go to bat for them and felt that some teachers did not understand but expected them to learn like everyone else. They and I too found it very difficult. I would get more anxious and depressed trying to deal with it all. It took them longer to do their assignments and the work got lost. You get through it because you have to and you want to help them. Mine turned out fine and so will yours. I was glad to be reminded of those times by you because so many of us have things in common we may sometimes forget.
I feel a lot of pressure right now and any snag or added thing I need to accomplish makes me anxious. I have reached my limit. I was going to treat myself to a spa visit but then the snow and ice made it impossible to go. I also know Covid adds so many complications and makes many things more difficult. I too have gained weight and need to muster up my motivation to get more exercise. I feel less healthy then I did in the beginning of Covid. I did o k staying active at first. Sometimes I want to give up and not care about the way I look and feel but that will just make me worse. So I am hoping to ramp up my activity. Your woods looks similar to my woods. I hope you can get those endorphins up and feel better.
Thank you, you inspire me to try harder to help myself. So yes you did help me and I am grateful. Take care. Be kind and loving to yourself.
And you have helped me. You are right. It will be okay. The kids will be okay. The present moment is actually okay. I feel tight and can’t breathe well (side effect from a new med I thought I’d try) I also feel like i am stuck wrong in my body.
I’m sorry you feel much pressure. Me to a friend yet sometimes judgmental friend will visit in a week and things like that weigh on me. Like you, my weight bothers me, but you know we are beautiful just how we are. Yes I go walk every day I can some days it’s just not happening but I think you put it so perfectly - be kind and loving toward yourself- that’s it! Finding that Love inside and placing it on ourselves and others is the key to everything else opening up I think. I forget. Thank you and you’re welcome, beautiful soul.
Thank you Starrlight. Wasn't feeling too positive myself for a while today. While walking towards my car spotted my nephew who works nearby. Was about to greet him when l saw him cross over to avoid me.
Well, on the spot l was furious, and sort of wanted to let him know. I got into my car, almost banged the door, and on driving past him towards my exit did not look at him.
I feel he probably got the message
I am now wondering did l do the right thing showing my vexation?
I'm tired of being the family member who is least popular by a country mile!
I can be easily triggered too Starr.
Got more positive as the evening went on though.
You do something nice for yourself too.
He pretended not to see you, so he could take it that you didn't see him either. That's probably the best way to look at things, and then in future avoid that pretence happening again. People with an attitude won't listen, so I think it's probably best to avoid them until they come to see things differently. Find your popularity outside the family. You are not alone.
Thanks MaggieSylvie. Thankfully l have broadened my circle in the past year.
I’m sorry; that hurts. It could be something going on with him though and not that he doesn’t like you,... when I’m in certain moods I avoid people...I get very shy and withdrawn and it’s hard to socialize. Who knows but I can see why you’d be upset over it. I would be upset too. (((((((( hug ))))))))
Thank you, but l already knew he didn't like me.I heard him make derogatory remarks about me to his girlfriend ( now wife) as far back as 10 years ago. It's not the first time he's avoided me . Last time though l don't think he knew l'd seen him as well.
This time l wanted to really let him know how hurt l felt.
Mind you tbere have been times when l've avoided people too for other reasons,you have a point there.
I do think though that next time l hear a relation putting me down, l wil bite back..
At a different nephew's wedding this year, a youngish guest asked someone on seeing me - " Is that the one they have no respect for"?
Sorry for my rant. I do fine until l'm triggered by a nasty temark.
I really and truly don't know what people find so bloody different about me!
I speak nicely, l'm always polite.
I can't recall if people are your main trigger. They are most definitely mine.
The picture of you out walking was lovely, by the way.
Hello. I happen to have a nephew who is very disrespectful in general. My sister tried to raise him right, but he’s been influenced by other people and he’s had these issues since he was a young child. He’s 23 now and he sure doesn’t like me because I will let him know he’s being rude and his behavior is terrible. His birthday is coming up in February and recently I bought him some gifts I thought he might like, now I’m having second thoughts about giving some of them to him, in my book for me he’s a lost cause. He doesn’t know some of my dark history about why I receive disability and what I’ve been through having bipolar disorder. He has such a nasty attitude sometimes I just want to avoid family gatherings with him there.
I can understand that. Family gathetings can be a pain. Most of the nieces and nephews react with joy to the other aunts and talking to me just seems like a chore for them.
Yet l can be such a good listener. I would bet you are too, on here you are great to help people out.
To be honest, looking ahead like you, l am planning on having as little as possible to do with him. My husband though, thinks he's a very nice fellow.
I didn't tell him about this latest snub.
I think sometimes it can become about who gives them the better gifts for Christmas and their birthdays. Or who they can wrap around their finger. And if they hear someone else in the family circle talking very negatively about you, they take that in too. I bet your husband may not have actually witnessed some of the ways he’s snubbed you. Sometimes men will treat women very differently than they do other men. So it could be a lot of different dynamics going on there. I think now I went a little overboard with what I bought for my nephew. We didn’t exchange gifts this year for Christmas because we’re all going through rough times these days, I think I was trying to make up for it by being generous or something like that. I’m going to take a couple things back. He’s not my son and I really don’t like how he behaves sometimes, so why am I trying to go all out for him? He’s had a couple of incidents in junior high where he was being mean to other kids. I’ll let my sister handle him.
You made some good points there. I would have given his younger brother more attention when they were younger, but he is my godchild, you know when you are asked to sponsor at Baptism.
You could also be right about him hearing negative things about me.
Maybe l am over-reacting.
The comment really was a nasty one though. It was along the same lines ad the rubbish l suffered at my former workplace.
With my husband he would have plenty conversations about sport.
You probably are right not to over- in dulge your nephew with presents.
Thanks for your wise reply.
Wow I’m so sorry. You seem very likable to me. Infact I love ya! I’ve always liked you from the start. I wonder what your nephew and whoever else are talking about. Do whatever will make you feel better in these situations, whatever you want to do to be in control and not giving them any power.You have the power.
Thanks so much for your lovely post Starr!Saying l have the power is great
Will keep that in mind
Is that Coco??? Bet she loves those walks as much as you do.
I wish I can say I did something good for myself yesterday. I think the best thing I did was get into bed. Stressful day at work.
Today is a new day
❤️🐬
Yes it’s Coco!!!!! My baby!!! She does love the walks so much...she loves sniffing everything the entire time. It’s good you let yourself rest.
Yes today is a new day.
I can’t get myself going. I need to clean but I keep putting it off.
One of my friends is getting a puppy today. Baby Bella. Another friend gets hers Tuesday. Baby Maggie. 🦴🦴
❤️ Coco
Awwwww so nice!!!!!!!! Puuuupppiiiiieeeesss Here’s another of Coco all tucked in by my 9 year old
That melts my heart She's the best
Awww yaaaay
Will you play lots with Belle and Maggie?
Maggie I will be meeting at the dog park Going for walks when things warm up. I might try and see if I can get Bella's mom to a dog park.
You know how much I love dogs. If I could I would have 3.
Awwww that’s incredible! Yes if I could I’d have 3 too I think. Sounds about right.
⭐️Just wanted to share. This is one of the dog parks that I love
It’s huge! Beautiful! The only one I know of around here is like a huge muddy cage.
We have so many. None are cages near me. All open
Again beautiful wow
Coco would love it
Maybe the new Meds will take a while to 'kick in'. Starr. Meantime, I find the 'positive affirmations', on YouTube help to lift my mood a little. Some are only 10 mins long and have nice Nature Vid's to look at. I also, try to do something creative each day. Knit or Crochet or bake. I find it helps. And at the end of each day..at least I've done one positive thing.
Thanks Dubba!!! I am trying to get motivation to clean. Thanks for the tips! I so appreciate you!!! You knit snd croquet?
Aww. That's a lovely thing to say. It's nice to feel appreciated. Yes I knit crochet and like to I paint too.💙
What types of painting are you into? Realism or abstract , watercolor acrylic? I think I may paint today. If I get all the cleaning done and have nothing else to do. I should try to place art as more of a priority
So sorry. Just read your earlier post with beautiful photo of you, and full of positivity. What would happen if you "relived" your walk this morning?
Yeah that’s an awesome idea and i actually tried it helped a bit but my chemicals are effed up but it will pass things are constantly changing going to be strong and move along doing what needs doing. Thank you for your thoughtfulness. I appriciate you!!!!!!
It's lovely to be appreciated. Thank you, starrlight.
How are you today?
Hi Starrlight! Thanks - I am ok. A bit more exhausted this morning, when I got up really late, but I've been reading a novel on my Kindle this afternoon, so really allowing myself some down time. How are you?
Sending you positive healing thoughts and HUGS.
Backatchya beautiful
Starr, am glad you found a healthy distraction..thank you for the warm wishes, take care of yourself..don't isolate, it just makes things worse...God bless
I love to be alone. I guess there’s a balance I need to look out for. Thank you so much for caring
Hi Starrlight. I am also struggling. I'm 57 years old and after 20+ years on venlafaxine, I had to come off due to a skin reaction. Withdrawal was awful. Now that I am off meds, I have vowed not to go back on. I'm trying my best to overcome my anxiety without them. It has been several months since I stopped them and it is getting better, but some days I feel like I can't handle anything and just want to cry at everything. Today started pretty well, so I tried to take advantage of it by building on it. I downloaded a mental strength self help book (Can't Hurt Me) on hoopa and will start it tonight. In the meantime I have been trying to do things that make me feel better about myself. Anything creative that makes me feel like I have accomplished something....cooking, knitting, weaving, cleaning.... I need to get outside more but its hard when its cold. I just came across this article from WebMD on developing habits to improve mental health. Maybe I can develop some of them. webmd.com/depression/ss/sli... strong..Be well.
😏😏
You are so inspiring to me! You made me think I may want to get creative today and do some art. Thanks for the link... and btw it sounds like you are doing great, staying strong. Good job!
Sorry you’re having a rough time, Starr. I hope you find some new ways to cope. I’m about to try a little safe-to-fail experiment this week. Sometimes things that used to help stop helping, and things that haven’t helped before start to work. People on here are a constant, always kind, always encouraging. Try to remember boundaries with empathy towards the difficult people.
Good advice. I’m curious about the safe to fail experiment. What will it be like?
I tend to just slide into a bad place late in the day, late in the week, lacking the kind of mental energy to stay fully present or even ask God for help. I see the pattern. I repeat it.
So this weekend, while I do have that energy, I’m re-introducing myself to some positive things I used to enjoy. The ones I did enjoy now, I’m scheduling for Thursday and Friday PM, with an “I get to” spirit. Maybe I’ll then choose one of those rather than ruminating or doom scrolling, even if depleted by the week.
The language of “experiment” is important. There are no failed experiments, only experiments where I didn’t learn anything.
“Safe to fail” means there are no foreseeable harmful outcomes. “Unsafe to fail” would be, “let’s see what happens if I triple dose my meds.”
How are you doing today?
I don’t know how to be alone 
how are you all doing today ?
How are you all feeling today ?
