I'm panicing

[Against_the_current]

I'm panicing. Mom drank again. I came back from the hairstylist feeling cute and mom asked me why didn't i cut hair. I told her i did cut hair but i like it long. I even showed her how much hair i lost. But she kept on asking and asking as of she's gonna get the scissors and chop my freshlystyled hair off. Why is she asking over and over again? I can't go back at the stylist and i like my hair. Half an hour later she looked at me and said "congrats but why didn't you cut it?" and i paniced so much like is that woman insane, is she drunk. I'm scared of the probability of her having issues and drinking because of it or a mental illness. It's gonna throw me in the deep water so avoid saying this. I'm already trying to help her as much as possible but she only uses it to use me. I'm burnt out. Same thing happened to my sis. She got asked 100x times and then half an hour later asked the same thing. I'm scared what's sis gonna think. She's at her friend again and she has no other choice. And i have no other choce too. Mom's asleep now and it's 8pm here and i'm trying to use this time to calm. I already took a Clonasepam and am going under my blanket to watch something. I don't want to get a panic attack and wake her up. I'm trying to survive it and i will. Probably half an hour later i will be fine but the thing is that i have to find a solution. Just writing it out here helped. It's like journaling. Sorry If i sound like too much but it really helps to get things out of my chest, schematize them and work on feeling better. Also i had Absolutely forgotten to take care of myself and i'm seeing that with little self care i can feel cute.

[Hidden]

Try to spend some time alone. Watch your favourite show or play video games. It'll be alright. Sending hugs 🫂

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Perfectly said. Thank you 🤗

[Yuuupsongbook002 in reply to Against_the_current]

I agree with that. That might help.

[hypercat54]

You need to put some mental barriers up against this type of behaviour even if you can't physically put some up right now. My advice is don't explain anything to her as it gives her an out to keep asking or saying something to ruin your confidence.

You need to practise at letting what she says go over your head and not responding. By giving her explanations of your behaviour you are allowing her to take control and start questioning you.

You know the way she behaves so predict it to avoid it as much as you can in future. She is never going to give you the support or approval you crave so you need to learn to stop expecting and hoping she will.

A better response would have been 'Really mum, I like it' then shut down the conversation or change the subject. Every time she keeps returning to it just smile and say yes mum or something, but stop letting her get to you. This will make your enforced time at home more bearable.

In other words the more you react to her the more she will do it back. If you don't react she can't.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you so much for the presice advice. I really should yet it's hard since i care about everything espessially everything she does and need support but she's unavailable. I'm really glad someone sees how she's using this instead of telling me she's struggling or having issues that would only make me worse and more caring about her. It's really painful to have a war one instead of family

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

I would talk to you a lot more on this but won't as your post isn't locked to this community. I don't share more private information on unlocked posts.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

You can pm me or i can lock it. I don't know, i'm crying right now wishing i was never born

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

Sorry to hear that and I hope you feel better soon.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

I'm so devasted. I wish there was someone

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

I'm losing it

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

You are safe now as she is asleep. I know how awful you must feel but try and relax a bit if you can and decide you will deal with it tomorrow. The best thing you can do is try and sleep and put some distance between it all.

Imagine a cobbled street which you are winding your way up. Or a small boat on a very calm blue sea and imagine yourself floating away to peace and quiet.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

I will try, thank you. I tried to tell myself i'm safe when she's asleep, i tried to calm down but i couldn't help myself but panic. Now she woke up and i better try to go to sleep because nothing good would happen. Will try the imageries so i can fall asleep without crying

[Blueruth]

Can you leave when she is drunk? Go to the library or a coffee shop? Or bedroom and shut the door? I just don't think it is a good idea to engage someone who is drunk. The message is clear that you only speak to her when she is sober. Who knows if she will get it but you don't need that stress and mental abuse.

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

Yeah tho I have nowhere to go and she does it when it's already dark outside and i don't even have my room.

[Blueruth in reply to Against_the_current]

Your best bet is to "okay" her then. What would she do if you put on over the ear headphones?

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

Yeah it's my best option, i only worry that If i'm with headphones she's gonna tell me to do something, i won't hear and she would be mad. But now when she's asleep i'm with headphones. But not to wake her up and because i don't want to sleep cause it's time for that 🤦‍♀️

[Against_the_current]

I'm panicing again. She fell asleep with her bottle next to her. This is even more terrible. She used to drink a lot but had measures, now it seems she's out of control. Falling asleep with the bottle next to her like some addict😭

[Yuuupsongbook002]

Sorry to hear that. That must be sad to deal with.

[Against_the_current]

There's nowhere to go. It happens late and i don't have friends near 😢

[Marysblue]

Have you looked into Alateen or Alanon?

[Against_the_current]

Yeah, i do tried all of this but still it's hard. And i there's not much who i can call, i only have like 1 hotline and 1 friend and i'm annoying them too often and mom's here and she would hear. I just can't calm down, i be distraction myself but knowing that funny video won't make my problems go away. Sorry, i'm just in a lot of disstress and panicing right now but those are really good ideas