I hate wrapping presents

[Violadima]

Just popped my antidepressant for the night. Standing at the counter wrapping presents and I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've had it alot lately. I have no idea why. Well maybe a small one. I continue to think about the fact that I retire from the navy in two years, will be 40 in two years and have no f#@!ing clue what to do with my life after. I am definitely going through a midlife crisis, I started seeing a 25 year old man, who I know does not want the same things in life that I do. Is that the equivalent of a man buying a BMW or marrying a thirty year old at the age of 70. I am so damn emotional lately I sicken myself with the amount of tears that I have shed lately. Shit as I sit here now they are flowing. I do not understand why I feel like this so much lately, I really just want it to stop. Better meds, maybe more therapy I don't know. I did not know what anxiety attacks were until this month, let me say those are super fun. 2 in one month, so fun. I cried in front of my coworker which I said I would never do. Luckily he was actually a grown up and was understanding. Somewhat. I really don't want to burden my mother with this bc I feel like she will just say its normal it happens you'll be fine. I love when people say you'll be fine. Oh I'm sorry, did you just jump into my body briefly and know exactly whats in my head, doubtful. Unless you know the struggles I wish people would just be honest. "I am here if you need someone to talk to or scream at or vent to, but I can't relate to what you are feeling or going through." I walk around at work sometimes and I feel like I put on this facade, like everyone knows a completely different version of me. Ok I think I am going to give it a rest for the night. Thanks for listening y'all!

[fromzerotopanic]

First, sorry you're feeling so bad right now. At least in this group, most of us can definitely relate and understand the feeling! And I highly doubt anyone here will say 'you'll be fine"! We know how well that works when someone tells it to us! Second, one thing I'm working on with anxiety/ocd is to try to stay in the 'present'. You say you're worried about what will happen in two years when you retire from the service (thank you for serving!). Thing is, none of us know what we'll be doing in two years. It takes practice, but try to focus on what you're going to do 'today'. What are your plans? You could be one of those people who have the next 10 years planned out, but life usually gets in the way and changes the plans anyway. So don't feel bad not knowing. Maybe just allow yourself the freedom to be open to whatever life has in store. That sometimes take some of the scary-ness away from the future. Just remember, most people go through life not knowing what they want to be when they grow up, no matter how we are!!

[Violadima in reply to fromzerotopanic]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Also thank you for the wise words. I know I need to focus on the now more. Easier said than done that’s for sure.

[fromzerotopanic in reply to Violadima]

Oh it's definitely easier for me to write and give you advice about living in the present, than it is for me to actually do it as well, lol!! But through therapy, I'm realizing that's going to be one of the key things to getting over anxiety. I have found an immense amount of help from watching the videos put out by DARE, relief from anxiety. It's a 4 step program, and they have many videos on youtube. I watch one by their counselor titled "what if", quite often! It helps with knowing what's happening now, verses what 'could happen' in the future. I'll try attaching the link, but for some reason, it rarely works! Not sure if this site allows it...but if not, just search "DARE, Michelle Cavanaugh what if". From there, you can find many or their other videos. Hope it helps!

youtube.com/watch?v=4eh4ku5...(Not working as expected?)

[Agora1 in reply to fromzerotopanic]

Great video fromzero :)Those 2 words "what if" need to be deleted from our way of thinking

to "so what" lol Thanks for sharing xx

[primrose81 in reply to fromzerotopanic]

Brilliant video, looking forward to seeing the others. Thank you so much.

[Agora1]

Hi Violadima....first of all I'd like to thank you for your service. Something you can be veryproud of.

Right now at 38years old, you are at the peak of your womanhood. The world is at your feet.

You are at the right age to seek out any job because of your life experience.

As others have said, having a plan for when you retire will help with those anxious thoughts.

If not sure, work with an agency on a temporary basis exploring different companies and

different work scenarios. It will pay the bills, allow you to see where you might like to go

as well as keep you busy and not focusing on being alone.

As for being single, let it happen when it's right for you. Unless you want to have children

there isn't a time limit in finding love.

I have found in my life that when I was most out of control in my life is when Anxiety moved

right in. Anxiety/Panic attacks that robbed me of living. No one (family or friends) understood which made me feel alone and angry. But actually, that was the turning point

for me. This was my life, my time to persue any and all the things I wanted to do and more.

You've got 2 years to make a "To Do" list about where you are going down the road.

You gave to our country and now it's time to give to Violadima x

I started my career when I hit my 30's competing against 21y.o. men and becoming a First Responder. Everyday of our life can be the start of a new beginning if we choose it. That means

no "what if's" "no negativity" "no doubts" Just positive reinforcement. The time is right.

Anxiety will eventually lose interest in you when you lose interest in it.

Good Luck and keep coming on for support because we care. xx

[Dolphin14]

Thank you so much for your service. You are amazing.

You are facing a big change in two years. There's bound to be so many emotions wrapped up in that. It's hard not to think ahead. What will I do? What is my purpose? Etc.

You have two years to start thinking of what you want. Try not to give it 100% of your time.

Regarding the wrapping, use gift bags they are so much easier

🐬