Hello! I am trying to step away from my high school "friends" because they are just not the people I want to surround myself with. I feel awful about it but at the same time relieved because they have been awful to me and my mental disorders in the past. I think it will be a good way to start focusing on myself and getting better but I don't know how to deal with the feeling of being lonely. I feel like its the only reason they are in my life and it doesn't really help. It feels like I talk them through their problems but they don't want to talk about mine. It starts to feel like a competition on who has it worse and I don't want it to feel like that anymore. One of them called me this morning to tell me how they are struggling with their depression and I don't feel like I can help them anymore because I am so drained with my own mental disorders that its hard to think of what to say and I feel selfish because I don't have words anymore.
Stepping away: Hello! I am trying to... - Anxiety and Depre...
Stepping away
I get it. It's totally okay to step away. You've gotta take care of yourself first
Its not a selfish move? I just worry about it so often and I am torn. I thought by not replying or giving them little interest would be enough for them to get it but they don't and I am not sure what to say to them exactly ya know? Thank you so much for your reply btw
If you are not in a good state yourself, you will not be able to sort others out without taking on their pain and worries. You don't need that. You need to address your own problems First.
Cheers, Midori
I get it too. I did the same thing except it was that I had grown out of the party scene. I was back from boarding school where I met all sorts of people with bigger ambitions. I caught up with a couple on Facebook and don't like them now either. Believe me you are choosing a better path for yourself. You probably will hurt that person but if you want to soften the blow let them know you are burnt out and need to step away for a while.
No matter how hard I try to tell them I need space they always call. I like being a good friend and being dependable but its getting too much for me now. I don't know if I can soften the blow any longer LOL. but right now I am in a good mood so maybe it will be easier to tell them how I feel? I don't know. It all just worries me way too much. My chest shouldn't hurt immediately after they send me a text or try to call me ya know? Deep down I know it will be the only thing that benefits my mental health journey and they aren't even willing to understand it. They think I can just distract my mind and it can stay like that, but what am I supposed to do at the end of the day? I am only stuck with me myself and I and I need to be okay with that first right?
hmmm... if you have told them and they aren't listening it might be time to stop answering. Think of it this way... they don't believe you mean it. That is not behaving like a good friend.
You are so right!
Hi cherryblossomm, I understand how hard it is to step away from friends but sometimes it’s necessary. You have to do what is healthy for you. If the people you are stepping away from are truly good friends, they’ll understand.
Right, that is true. Just don't know how to handle feeling lonely ya know? But it might be for the best that I'm alone and can be okay with myself and being alone for right now
Being a part of this community means you don’t have to feel alone. I’ve been on here a few months now & there is always someone willing to listen & give advice. Hang in there.
These so called friends have been awful towards you in the past about your medical conditions, and they keep messaging you…. Perhaps their torment of you is ongoing, in their eyes!
Stop responding to their messages, and think of your well-being cherryblossom….., you will find many likeminded “Virtual” friends here who understand what you are going through, and will not torment you because of it….. stay strong and positive…… take care and stay safe🙂
I am not medically qualified to give you advice, but if you want to chat, scream, cry or get something off your chest….. feel free to PM me if you wish?
Don🙂
Thank you so much for your response Don. It is really what I needed to hear after such an awful day! I feel like I just need to get away from everyone and my household thankfully helps with those feelings. It just is so hard feeling like I am alone and not wanting to leave the house ya know?
Oh, that sucks. They take take take and never give. And when you try to talk, suddenly they are like, “Gotta go…”
Highly_Anxious is right- this community will help you feel less lonely when you create that distance or if you ask them to listen and they don’t.
Friendships and relationships are hard sometimes. 😔
They can be very hard but I am not sure how to handle it other than blocking them out completely. I am also really bad about confrontation, but it can be hard when I don't speak my mind. I think speaking my mind more and trying to do whats best for me and my college education would be the right thing for now. And this group has been so much help the past 2 days. I need like a cleanse off of social media and toxic posts because it makes it so much worse. Thank you for your kind words
Blocking them may be what you need to do for your own sanity and welfare, Don't think about it, just do it.
The feeling of aloneness and the sense of being selfish if you step away. Cherry blossom symbolic of spring (which is really where you are in your life at 18) but for all its beauty a flower that blossoms for just two weeks a year. All these thoughts and questions that can only find peace in the true love within.
As Rumi said, in winter all plants look dead or dying but the roots are having a riot. It is in the search for meaning that we most find life, love and happiness. In the daring of the personal quest. A personal quest that often begins with a dream….
You are not selfish. These people are draining you. You have to work on making yourself your own best friend. It will soon be the holidays; that should make things easier if you haven't managed to distance yourself by then. Good luck.
You are so right! Thank you so much!
I am so proud of you. You sound really healthy and like you have really good boundaries as you "grow up". I totally identify with you and smiled as I read your post. You are mature and they are not. For me, it's always hard to let go of things that do not serve me anymore, but it's getting easier as I let go of the old to make room for the new, healthy things and people in my life. My opinion is that as you find healthier people and situations (and they will come; they are just waiting for you to make room for them in your life) the emptiness that may occur will start to fill with things much more suited to your mature thinking. You have to think of yourself First. You are growing; they are not and probably never will. Who knows. Taking the first step can be hard, but it sounds to me like you are ready. And it is necessary for your sanity. 
<3 Take care.
thank you so much I really needed to hear this! Filling up my life with things I enjoy and finding a passion will fill that emptiness I think too! I gotta be okay with myself before I can be truly okay with people, I am just finding it hard at the moment but it will come easier and easier as the time goes by I think
It's totally ok and healthy for you to step away from toxic relationships. It is not at all being selfish. You are the first priority in your life and you need to focus on your own needs and your own mental health . Let them go, don't respond to their messages or calls. Friendship is a two way street and if they can't be bothered to listen to you when you are struggling they are not truly friends. They are the ones that have been selfish. Find solace in being alone for a bit. You are young and will make new and better friends.I have let toxic people in my life go because it was affecting my own mental health. You don't need to offer them an explanation. Good for you for setting boundaries! You should be proud of yourself!
aw thank you so much! Those are very kind words! this is encouraging me greatly to improve my own well being by letting them go!
Glad I could be so encouraging for you!!
Your instinct to get away from them is right on target. Great insight on the situation.
Now you need to make new, real friends. Actually I was in your situation last year and until February this year.
I know it sounds easier said than done. But, if you try, you will find it is not that hard.
If you are in school you can join clubs or take up other activites where there are new people. They might become your best friends ever.
Whether yo are still in school or not, there are tons of groups and activities like "Meetups" for different interests like languages, hobbies, outdoor activities, Travel, etc. You can usually Google them with the word "Meetups" and the name of your town/city.
There is also church. I know. You are probably thinking that is a lame suggestion, that I am a religeous zealot, or that you don't want to be preached at. But, I have never been much of a church goer and churches have changed a lot.
You might be surprised by some of the more progressive churches. They have real life sermons, not just "preaching", great music, and lots of groups and activities. I started going to Northpoint Church in Atlanta, joined a men's group and found it very uplifting. Their pastor, Andy Stanley is amazing. He talks about real life, is funny and very interesting. They have associated churches all over the US that work the same way.
Lastly, you can look for someone to talk to who is experienced helping people with problems like yours. There are plenty of people like that in schools, churches, even online like this site.
The_Color_Blue on this site helped me a lot with an issue I am dealing with this week.
We are here for you!
Thank you so much! I have been trying to get into a teen support group for the past week now but I am struggling on finding one, maybe there are some online I can look at? I don't know, I just know that it really helps me to have people face to face when talking but this group has helped me see a lot of things that I needed to see! Things are difficult especially with covid but staying connected this way will benefit me more than going to church I think. I feel like since I have went to church in the past (My city in Omaha, Nebraska was a great one) is a struggle because it isn't my home town and scary to walk in alone ya feel? All of the churches in my hometown don't really fit the vibe that I would be searching for if that makes sense. A lot of long skirts and very religious judgey people in my town I feel like from experiences I have had with them. i will be taking your advice in the sense of "Meetups". I think it could really benefit me!
You are not at all selfish. If you have mental disorders you must make yourself the important one, until you are able to deal with anyone else's drama.
Cheers, Midori
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