I’m so done with waking up EVERY morning with an anxiety attack. It’s seems that as soon as the sun rises and hits my eyelids, my body is flooded with adrenaline and fear and the negative thoughts and worst case scenarios start to play in my mind uncontrollably.
Since I joined a month ago, my anxiety has become less severe thanks to therapy, meds, and my friends here. However, I just can’t shake this morning routine of excessive worry that keeps me in bed way too long and often I just fall back asleep to start process over again.
I’m especially anxious this morning as I know my summer break is quickly coming to an end (I’m an educator) and school resumes in a few weeks. I have an opportunity to switch schools which would give me more hours and a needed change from the negative group I work with now. BUT.... change is scary. Even though my current school is stressful and very negative, I’ve been there 6 years and know and do my job very well. I’m very comfortable and in control there. My schedule is flexible which allows me to get my son to all his appointments/school. It’s predictable and very routine which I like. However, I have a chance to switch to a school with an amazing team/reputation and work in same classroom with good friend of mine. But, it will be new and I will have a lot to learn and adjust to... new staff, new building, new students, new schedule, new curriculum, new routines, and my son’s schedule will have to work around mine which will be difficult.......I worry my anxiety will take over and sabotage this.
I can feel my heart racing, hear my ears ringing, body is shaking, mouth dry, nauseous, cold tight sensations in my chest, and the excessive worry over EVERY little thing washing over me. I want this to go away!!!! Why can’t I wake up and feel normal? Will I ever wake up calm again or is this my new norm? What a miserable way to start every day when I’m working so hard on getting past this.