Chronic Depression not going away

[bluepenpal]

Hi. Im 21 years old. I have been diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder by one specialist and depression and anxiety by another. I took Venlafaxine for about 6 months because i wasnt given clear instructions for a follow up appointment.

I'm a medical student and yet i find no time to take it seriously. I feel like im drowning in my worries and emotions and it is severely crippling me. I had big aspirations and hopes and dreams. Now i just want to die. I see no future for myself. Medication helps for the few months i use it. After which i start developing ticks and parasthesia and jerks. So that is not a long term option. Im watching myself become a shell, waiting for the courage to finally let go and gain the peace ive lost long, long ago. I've lost all self-identity and respect for myself and nothing brings me peace or happiness anymore. i'm sabotaging every relationship i've held close to myself and for reasons i understand i have become unloveable and troubled and that is why i have noone. I feel like i am at a point of no return and all that lies in front of me is taking my own life. To anyone who has returned from here: how?

[just_keep_swimming]

Hi , I have depression and anxiety . At one moment in my life I was really at my low . For me it was hard to continue but I did . I forced myself to get up , forced myself to eat and go out . I thought about what was causing me anxiety and depression and I tried to shatter those fears that were continuously causing me to spiral. Every since being in this groups I have learned to stop putting myself down instead of telling myself im a failure and that i dont deserve this live , I tell myself that I have grown so much and I keep trying to be better . Also being in Med school is hard so I applaud you for that. If you need someone to talk to both me and a lot of people are here to support you .

[TailWags in reply to just_keep_swimming]

my very smart and kind nephew did excellent in school and college. When he got to medical school he said he never worked so hard to be so average. He is now in his last 2 years of fellowship as an emergency trauma surgeon. I remember years ago when he was younger,ike 7th grade and said he wanted to be a dr. I figured sure, like every kids wants to be a dr pilot, fireman etc. But he stuck withit. Amazing.

[Fathomliz]

 I have had depression all my life and once went through 2 years of trying to find the right combo of medications. hang there when I had this problem I took some time off maybe like a leave of absence?

[Hidden]

First of all, are you actively suicidal? If so, please call for help ASAP. Suicide is a one-way street that can never be taken back.

Secondly, are you currently in therapy and/or have appointments with your doctor(s)? If you are having trouble coping, you should look into getting help. There is no shame in that.

I'm sorry you're so low. A trick that I've learned is to not try so hard to turn it around. Ups and downs are a part of life. It is our natural instinct to want to shy away from being uncomfortable.

Welcome to this community! We'll try and support you when and where we can.

[Gnugoo]

blue pen pal, please please be kind to yourself - you are currently the root and the foundation of someone out there in the future who is going to be so relieved that you hung on in there and made their life possible. Your future self will have learned so much from your current experience.

To begin with, that initial prescription for venlafaxine should have been accompanied by a course of CBT and maybe some course more specific to you. If it was and you skipped that due to being so busy with your course, perhaps you are now ready to rethink and request the chance for further treatment. And I would strongly recommend you speak about all of this with your academic advisor or someone else at the University that you feel comfortable talking with. The choices you make right now must be about you, right here, right now. If that means taking time out of education or a change of direction or just getting a job in a supermarket to keep you socialised while you recover - these are the kinds of things you should consider to get yourself better.

As for the weird effects of taking venlafaxine I totally agree - it became a lot to deal with for me and with the help of my gp I found a different drug worked better for me. In my case, Citalopram, but your situation may differ. Do not despair. Do keep talking to people about it - Especially your GP and your college. It not a sign of weakness it is an illness. Accept help if it’s offered. Demand help if it isn’t. Future you is counting on Current you. Don’t let yourself down, just keep buggering along and the tide will turn in your favour.