Social anxiety

[Monica_02]

I have a hard time meeting friends because of the issues I have from trauma and anxiety. A lot of people don’t understand the issues I face when my anxiety acts up or I’m feeling depressed and cancel plans and want to isolate. How does everyone else make friends?

[cocoyellow]

I make friends in places I feel confortable with and share same interest. For example I volunteer like at the school garden and i know everyone there likes gardning and are there for the same reasons , so is easier for me to connect. Cause there is no way i can walk into a party and just start making convo

[Hope4me1]

You sound like me! This whole thing started when I was very young—10 or 11 yrs old. Always had a problem making friends and as a result I have few close friends. It gets even harder as we grow older. Hard to find people to talk to. Chat with me anytime. 😊🌷

[Monica_02 in reply to Hope4me1]

Same here! Message me anytime

[Hidden]

I do not make face to face contact, therefore making friends can be problematic.

We live in the English Countryside on the Scottish Border and making friends can in my case be very difficult, although my Wife has very few problems. I am a listener and some people may consider I am very deep.

All I can do is listen to conversations especially if my wife is chattering and try and enter the converation. My Wife does that for me. Many people are quite deep and I suppose they will have the same problem. It always worries me that I put my foot in it, that was beaten into me as a child/teenager, It was a deep diservice my parents pushed onto me

BOB

[Megapanda]

Have you heard of meetup . There are different groups you can join and I have joined some for people with anxiety and depression . Failing that try joining an activity or even a course as if everyone is there for the same reason then there is some common ground . Plus with a course everyone starts at the same time so I feel less anxious to join in an group that is already established. Making friends as an adult is difficult in general without the added anxiety on top . so try not to be hard on yourself if it doesn't work out . These things take time and often many attempts .

[hypercat54 in reply to Megapanda]

The poster lives in the USA and I don't think the have Meet Up there. There must be similar groups though as they are everywhere now.

[Monica_02 in reply to hypercat54]

Yes we have meetup here! I have found a lot of groups to join. Most of them aren’t in person yet due to Covid but I still go to the online ones

[Megapanda in reply to Monica_02]

That is great Monica . Hope you have a good time with your meet up groups

[hypercat54]

The key is not to expect other people to understand. Don't expect but just hope instead. Mental health is very difficult to understand when you haven't experienced it for yourself or a very close person hasn't.

Don't talk about your issues unless you are with a safe person. And be aware of putting too much on their shoulders as most will shy away from it.

You could also try telling loved ones how they can help you best as most people don't know how to.

[Hidden]

Have you tried talking to a counselor or a therapist about this, problem of yours? If not. Maybe try talking to a counselor or therapist about your anxiety. I hope this helps.

[Monica_02]

Yes I’ve been going to therapy for years.

[designguy]

Hello Monica, you mention that you go to therapy but my suggestion is to find a therapist who specializes in treating social anxiety disorder or one who specifically treats trauma. I went to numerous therapists for a number of years but started to make real progress when I realized that what I was actually dealing with was social anxiety and c-ptsd.

There wasn't a social anxiety specialist near me so I used a self-study program from the socialanxietyinstitute.org/ I learned how erroneous my thinking and assumptions and perceptions were about myself and others and how to change my beliefs and start to accept myself. I had been bullied in school and had no emotional support at home and punished and shamed for getting angry and as a result developed the social anxiety/c-ptsd. I also found a therapist who specialized in treating trauma using emdr therapy which was very beneficial.

For me, finding and working with the right kind of therapy has made a big difference.

[Shashwat2331]

Hey Monica , I too am isolated. I feel hopeless. I have no friends. Can you be my friend?