I used to have bad social anxiety when I was in high school, but I thought I had grown out of it. I'm starting to think maybe I haven't.
Since I graduated college, like everyone else, I've had a hard time making friends. When I moved out of my parents house, I had a nannying job for the first 9 months and when you work in that field, you never meet anyone your own age. I was able to go out on a few dates to try and meet people that way, but they never worked out. Then I got a retail job that allowed me to meet a bunch of people my age, and I thought I had made some friends there, but it was IMPOSSIBLE to find someone to hang out with me outside of work hours. It was always "too busy, I've got something else going on that day" or they'd cancel last minute. I understand people get busy, I have three jobs, but when it happens to me literally every time I make plans, it becomes infuriating and it makes me think people just don't want to hang out with me. That maybe I'm doing something wrong.
I finally have more time in my schedule to do things and have gone out with my sister and a couple of my friends, but it's always along with their friends. And I'll try to participate and keep up conversations but it's hard when I can't think of anything to say and then I zone out of the conversation completely and I end up hating the fact I went out at all. Does anyone else deal with something like this?