Log in
Anxiety and Depression Support
27,458 members β€’ 27,285 posts

Didn't Outgrow Social Anxiety?

I used to have bad social anxiety when I was in high school, but I thought I had grown out of it. I'm starting to think maybe I haven't.

Since I graduated college, like everyone else, I've had a hard time making friends. When I moved out of my parents house, I had a nannying job for the first 9 months and when you work in that field, you never meet anyone your own age. I was able to go out on a few dates to try and meet people that way, but they never worked out. Then I got a retail job that allowed me to meet a bunch of people my age, and I thought I had made some friends there, but it was IMPOSSIBLE to find someone to hang out with me outside of work hours. It was always "too busy, I've got something else going on that day" or they'd cancel last minute. I understand people get busy, I have three jobs, but when it happens to me literally every time I make plans, it becomes infuriating and it makes me think people just don't want to hang out with me. That maybe I'm doing something wrong.

I finally have more time in my schedule to do things and have gone out with my sister and a couple of my friends, but it's always along with their friends. And I'll try to participate and keep up conversations but it's hard when I can't think of anything to say and then I zone out of the conversation completely and I end up hating the fact I went out at all. Does anyone else deal with something like this?

11 Replies
oldest β€’ newest

I just gave up trying to keep up with conversations. I hang with myself because people seem bored with me. If they don't wanna hang it's their loss, you shouldn't have to fight your way into conversations

1 like
Reply

Thats what it feels like! I went out with my sister and her friends and all they talked about was their grad classes, science, science fiction - things that I don't know a ton about and it got the point where there it felt like there was no point in me being there. I tried to talk to her about it afterwards but she got mad at me and said I just need to speak up more and that I could have left when I wanted. She doesn't get that sometimes its not that easy.

Reply

It's very exhausting not having a connection with people.

1 like
Reply

i have the exact same problem and i am so ungry when i speak to somebody about it and they just say "it's all in your head"

but i hope you'll make a lot of friends and maybe i can be one of them :)

1 like
Reply

Awww. That can be arranged! :D

Reply

hi 🌸 it does happen to me. it's weird coz i want to go and enjoy going out but everything around me feels like a worry, are they talking about me, do I look fat in my clothes, what to say when everyone is talking, there's to many people here, when are we leaving, Im getting hot, can the floor open and swallow me 😦😨 it's a pain. other times its worse if my general anxiety is hightend then the sweating starts oh my golly it sounds so ridiculous to even type this πŸ˜„ I think before I go out i am already worrying. maybe I need to do some breathing and not overthink things. maybe your friends can help if they know how things are for you then you might be a bit better as you will feel more part of the group. one outing at a time. we all deserve to let our hair down from time to time and enjoy it. go for it you deserve a lovely time with your friends and they want that for you too 🌸

Reply

I am sorry you deal with that. It sounds like a lot. Part of my problem is it's so hard for me to get that good friend group. Two of my closest friends live out of state and three hours of driving away. I have a couple of friends down here closer to me but they are never available to hang so I'm sort of bumming along with other people. So I guess its more of being around people that I don't know so well, and only knowing one person out of the group and being forced into being friends and trying to find that common ground. It's just hard.

Reply

Making friends is not easy. I love people but always worry that they are just my friends coz they feel sorry for me and they dnt really like me. I've just moved to the United Kingdom from South Africa and what a difference. The ladies at work are friendly etc but I dnt feel to comfortable doing stuff as a social thing as well. most have families, or single. i am lucky that I have my husband and he truly is a great friend. he even knows when I'm not coping or dnt want to go out and that helps, even tho he doesn't understand it all. it's hard work for him πŸ˜† friend stuff is complicated and some of us cnt help making it worse. one outing at a time for us then πŸ˜‰

1 like
Reply

Exactly. I think back to the last time I had a really good outing with friends, and not family, was a year ago when I met up with them at our old university. Going out with family is nice, but friends are really good too.

Reply

I hope your move went over smoothly. I can't imagine what it must have been like moving to a new country. I could barely handle moving an hour from my parents πŸ˜†

Reply

Joining Toastmasters will cause a metamorphosis. It’s everywhere and it’s inexpensive.

Also, be very proud of who you are. Think positive and ignore negative thoughts. πŸ’β€οΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ

Reply

You may also like...