I feel like I am letting down a lot of people. My days couldn't be more unproductive, my actions couldn't be more worthless. There's such little time left. And so much to do.
Logically, I know there's no point in feeling down or anxious. I am just wasting precious time. I have to let go of these feelings and focus on the task at hand. But it's so hard, and I feel so lost, I don't know what to do.
There's such little time left, and so much to do. I am kinda drowning. I wish I had never chosen this path for myself. Everything's so hard. I have forgotten the reason why I started off with this shit. I am so done, but there's no fucking way out. I feel suffocated. What do I fucking do?
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BlueberryNinja
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Try not to be so hard on yourself, I know that's easier said than done.Every body has difficult times. Why do you feel like times running out? Can you take some baby steps that might make you feel better? As long as we still try to move forward, even when we get set back by depression, then we are doing something. Do one thing that helps you feel better. Your reaching out here was good. I hope you get support. I am fighting it too. You are not alone. Holidays can be tough.
Thank you for reaching out to me. I don't want to be hard on myself too. But I am afraid of failure. There's so much at stake. So many people depend on me. The pressure is real, and I am so scared.
But writing about it helps. I tried to maintain a journal, but I would just feel depressed whenever I went back to read it. Writing down everything here is so much better. And I get so much support too.
I feel a little better now. Things don't seem so bleak now. I am trying to take baby steps and proceed at my own pace. At the end of the day, my mental health should be my topmost priority.
Be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you are overwhelmed. Life and work and school can be extremely overwhelming. You are reaching out and that's a courageous move and a good start. If you are in school or at work and struggling, talk to a counsellor, guidance counsellor, manager. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for an extension on deadlines. Give yourself breathing room. Sometimes, writing a to do list really helps me. When I'm thriving, I can put a whole bunch of shit on my to do list. When I'm struggling, I try to put a couple reasonable things. I aim low. Have a shower, eat breakfast, read 5 pages of a book. Maybe that's it for today. Maybe after you've checked off these things, you want to do one or two more things. You can write those things down as bonus things. I think the key here is to make sure your list is manageable and short. Treat your body well and give it what it needs- not always what it wants, but what it needs. Sometimes this means some extra sleep and sometimes it means dragging your ass out of bed to go for a walk. It's hard. Do what you can and be proud of yourself for whatever that means for you on any given day. We all let shit slide sometimes. And right now, everyone seems to be struggling. You're not alone. You are loved. You are enough. You will get through this. Take it one day at a time. xo
This reply really spoke to me. The Holidays, now Omicron, and for some folks employment and financial worries. It really is a heavy load. Love yourself. I think on a level everyone is going through "it" and some of us have the extra load of anxiety and or depression that existed pre pandemic. But do you know, think of it, we have experience with these feelings from perhaps a lifetime. For some, they are experiencing covid related anxiety, depression, denial, etc. for the first time, and it's not easy. I think we're doing better than realize! Hugs and luv to all!
Wow, that is such an interesting way to look at everything. With each passing day, the COVID pandemic seems to be sucking more and more of my energy. But I would like to see the world from your pov as well. The fact that we are more equipped with dealing with anxiety is a comforting thought.
I am gonna try my best to stop listening to unwanted thoughts. There is no point at all.
I hope everything's going well with you. Thank you for reaching out. Hope everything works out for the best. With lots of hugs+kisses.🥰🥰
Thank you for reminding me to be gentle to myself. It's so easy to forget when my mind starts screaming at me. It's so easy to lose sight of what I really want. This is why I started to write them down on this site. Sorting out my feelings and facing the real me is tough and challenging but I don't wanna run away anymore.
I am gonna try to set more manageable goals from now onwards. I liked the whole bonus to-do list idea. It might give me a real sense of accomplishment. And these days, I will take anything.
You are quite mistaken.You see negativity where there is none.
Perhaps it would be good to first ask a poster what he or she meant if it seems obscure, rather than impute negative intentions right away.
When someone complains of feeling “useless”, that feeling isn’t likely to come from their own mind. It is others that call people useless, in an (sometimes subconscious) attempt at manipulation.
There is nothing wrong with being “useless” in the minds of others. You don’t have to be always there for people, you don’t have to do anything that the rest of the world considers worthwhile.
You probably mistook my intentions because the notion that we should be useful is so widespread.
Rather than reassure the poster that he or she is surely useful, I hope the poster will let go of the expectations of others. Enjoy being useless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
@Zyxx, you are right. The feeling of being useless stems from the fact that I am letting down a lot of people around me. People who are waiting for me to step up and help solve a lot of problems. It took me a while to realize that sometimes I gotta look out for myself too.
The idea of just existing, without having this inherent, ever-present need to be of some use to the people around you is beautiful. The idea that I don't need to have a purpose. And it's okay to enjoy life a bit. Sometimes, it's good to be a little selfish.
So I am going to try and not pressurize myself so much.
Any time. You’ve probably had people around you, maybe parents, who made you feel you should do something for them. Either because they were helpless and needed you, or because they made you feel that you can’t be accepted and loved if you don’t do things for others. It’s tricky.
Yeah, it's sad but I still struggle from self-worth issues. When I was younger, I remember coming home with a bad report card. I am usually at the top of the class, but this time I had lost a couple more marks than I usually did. My parents were very upset, and they kept yelling at me. At one point, I asked them if they loved me only because I was academically gifted, and if they would stop loving me had I been a stupid kid.
It still pains me when I recall how my mother has answered with basically zero hesitation that the only reason they kept me around was so I could study well and get a decent job later on. And if I couldn't do even that, then I am better off gone.
This wasn't the first or last time they said something like this. This was such a long time ago, and they probably didn't mean it like that. I am on much better terms with my mother now, but the idea that my academics hold the highest priority is so deeply ingrained in me that it scares me sometimes.
Good luck, Ninja. It’s not easy. Every time someone approves of you when you’ve been nice or useful, your brain rewards you with dopamine. And that makes you want to be useful again. Hard to break that bond. But it’s the only way to fight the people-related anxiety.I’m still struggling with it, myself. Mind - I just got off medication. When the meds still worked, I didn’t care very much what my relatives (or others) thought of me. Now I’m back to picking up every tiny signal of disapproval, disappointment, irritation etc. You know the kind of passive aggressive relative that sends out those kinds of signals all the time. I find it hard not to react to them, to adjust my behaviour. Jesus, can’t believe I’ve been having the same problems with this, all my life…I hope you manage to break these patterns before you find out, like I did, that they’ve become your life.
How about getting 30-60 minutes of daily cardio exercise to produce endorphins. They can be done at home. Or outside if you like jogs or hikes etc. You tube has great videos. Aerobics, jogging in place, yoga etc . You can buy some resistance bands for weight training at home, you don’t have to go to the gym if you are not a gym person. This makes me feel better, and feel like I got something done. A game changer for my anxiety and depression was the Wim Hof breathing exercises twice daily. It’s free on you tube too. I also do the cold shower daily and twice daily too.
You are so young and need to count your blessings. Be thankful for your health and family etc
I do exercise daily. Not anything heavy. Just walking on the treadmill for about 20-30 minutes every day. It helps, and it's probably the only reason I haven't exploded yet. It's hard to put aside that much time every day to take care of myself, but I am working on it. My health should come first, even if the world is ending. I should be kind to myself first.
I have always been an introvert and I get very self-conscious too. So going outside is a big no-no. I would like to, but it's not safe to venture outside alone in my area. So that might not work. I checked out the breathing exercises though, and I am going to try and implement them in my daily routine.
Thank you so much for the tips. I am going to try my best to live as the best version of me.
I promise you the breathing exercises are great! And it’s good you are doing the treadmill. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You tube has aerobics and jogging in place too to do in front of the t v . And I promise you a 5 minutes cold shower works wonders. Your physical and mental health are number one. Maybe try walking on the treadmill and 8-10 hours later 30 minutes of you tube aerobics or jogging in place
@My1998Sunfire, thank you for looking out for me. I don't have a lot of people in real life who are perceptive enough to see through my facade and give me emotional support when I need it. The fact that a total stranger on the internet actually took out some time to stand up to a person who was feeling down is a bit touching.
And honestly, I think I would have arrived at the same conclusion had the user not taken an effort to clear away the misunderstanding. I am a bit dumb like that. 😅😅
Thank you all the same. Hope you have a great day!
I feel the same way. I'm a freshman in college, final exams are in a week, and I'm very overwhelmed. My household thinks I'm doing great right now, but I'm not. I've spent the majority of the semester questioning life decisions. I feel trapped in this awful mess, and that I'm headed towards an unsatisfying life where I hardly have any time at all to do the things that I want to do and where I spend most of it at a mediocre job where I'm not valued at all. I spent so long trying to live up to other people's expectations and the impossible standards that I set for myself as a result of being lied to since childhood, that now I'm really struggling to live for myselfwithout worrying about how I think other people will react and figure out what I actually want to do with my life.
Someone commented to me once “take one day at a time. Make yourself get out of bed, get in the shower, get yourself ready- then take 5 minutes to yourself and pull your thoughts together. Then try to do some task-“
it sounded like an overload to me but I tried it and I think it really worked. I have a problem that has made my life miserable on top of all the stuff I can’t control- my problem has made me withdrawal from everything and life is dark.
Please try to pull yourself out for just a minute at a time! Every minute out of the dark is one in the light! Your really young Blueberry Ninja, you can have a Beautiful life and you deserve it!! ❤️
Thank you so much. I have been trying to do the same. Trying to take everything slow, one day at a time as you just said. And every time my mind tries to tell me that I am not doing enough, I just...ignore it. This is the most I can do. If this isn't enough, then screw it.
I have been trying to be kinder to myself. And I try to compliment myself for even the tiniest of accomplishments instead of focusing on the negatives. Things are not perfect, but I try to do the best I can with what I have.
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