Borderline Personality Disorder

[VDC1]

So I recently realized that I have BPD. I’ve been misdiagnosed for 17 or so years. I was first diagnosed as being bipolar , then depressed, then bipolar again. I had never heard about BPD until recently and after reading about it, I realized that I meet the diagnostic criteria. I’m 100% sure it’s what I have, even though I’ve not been formally diagnosed.

My bipolar diagnosis never quite added up, even though many of my symptoms are quite severe and mimic bipolar, such as the depression, anger, impulsiveness, and even hypomanic episodes that have left me hospitalized. I’ve since come to realize that people with one are often misdiagnosed with the other ( or have both).

Although treatments are different for both, they do prescribe similar meds for each. My bipolar meds solved most of my symptoms but I was unable to continue taking them because of the horrible side effects. For BPD they say you need Dialectic Behavioural Therapy, which requires ongoing Psychologist visits, which are not affordable for 99% of the population, including me.

So while it’s good to finally have an explanation for my thoughts, emotions and behaviour, I’m also more discouraged than ever to realize that there’s no simple treatment. So now I am left to continue struggling with anger, paranoia, impulsiveness, alcohol abuse, and extremes of every other emotion, and the side effects of whatever drug I might choose to try to live a more normal life.

[CopingwithEx]

Hi I’m glad you’ve finally found a diagnosis. Can I ask how your BPD symptoms present? I’m wondering about BPD myself as my depression/anxiety symptoms are so severe like I’m crying one minute then angry the next however I don’t have a fear of abandonment or some other things don’t match up and sleep isn’t an issue for me. I hope you can find peace in a diagnosis and discuss with a doctor/therapist ways to help you cope and manage them better.

[CopingwithEx in reply to CopingwithEx]

There are different types of therapy. There are podcasts and online therapy coping strategies on YouTube. Also stuffthatworks website is good to find out treatment options!

[VDC1 in reply to CopingwithEx]

Thanks for response. There’s the diagnostic criteria of 9 things and if 5 or more are present , you’d be diagnosed with BPD. I check off nearly every box. I have rapidly changing and intense emotions of all kinds. I have uncontrollable anger at everyone, even close friends or family. Road rage. Breaking objects or walls etc. Someone will say or do one little thing and I’ll get so mad and brood about it. On rare occasions I have stress related paranoid delusions which are sometimes almost psychotic, such as believing someone’s out to get me, believing I’m being followed, believing I’m going to be fired etc. I have at times had intense despair in response to being ignored or cheated on, whether real or imagine ( I guess that’s the abandonment part). I have suicidal ideation and gestures, and some self harm in the past, overdosing on pills and punching things till my hand is bloody. I have impulsiveness in the areas of sex, gambling, alcohol abuse. I’ve had hypomanic episodes. I have a poor sense of self and self image. There’s more but I’m sure but I can’t think of it.

Thanks for the resources and I hope you can find a diagnosis and some peace as well. Nowadays you almost need to diagnosis yourself.

[CopingwithEx in reply to VDC1]

That sounds pretty similar to me apart from a few. I almost feel like my brain is turned up full dial and I can’t stop it. I can literally feel my mental health, does that make sense? Like my mind is in pain. The anger and mood swings. Smashing things when angry. My mood switches 24/7 towards my relationship with my boyfriend. One minute I love him the next I don’t. Almost always convince myself out of the relationship cos I’m scared if I don’t he will (mental right?). Doctors never take us seriously, you’re 100% right you need to diagnose yourself and hit them with the evidence. So sorry you’re struggling

[Pnkrydr38]

I was also misdiagnosed as bipolar. My psychiatrist asked me to explain my manic episodes and I didn't know what it would be. She really didn't explain it so I could never tell her what mine was. I was determined to figure out what was wrong with me. I looked up all the symptoms of every mental illness and I had more borderline symptoms than I did bipolar. I changed therapist and I told her I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I think I have borderline personality disorder. She agreed. The bipolar meds didn't really work for me either.