Struggling with my career as a teacher

[Rose23456]

I'm a young teacher who helps students in the classroom and im struggling to keep a job. I have been fired from my first job for not being able to perform well. Im now on my second job and i fear i will be fired from that too. I noticed the same pattern from my last job. I have a soft and socially anxious personality and i usually get bullied by some students. This causes the students to not want to learn from me. I'm confident in my teaching ability and i know i can teach well but i struggle with creating relationships with students and not being respected. Any suggestions?

[EnolaSeule]

See if you can do tutoring or be a hospital teacher. I have been teaching for fifteen years and it is extremely hard for people who have no anxiety or mental health issues. I have been hurt so many times. The best job I ever had was tutoring. No classroom co tell involved (that said, my classroom control is usually not a problem now, but I still find ways to get hurt by students and sometimes other teachers. Actually, staff can be the worst. Good luck to you, dear.

[Rose23456 in reply to EnolaSeule]

Thanks so much for your reply! I am definetly looking to do tutoring in homes vs schools next year. For this year, do you have any suggestions on stopping students from continuosly being disrespectful and creating a positive healthy relationship?

[kspeidell]

Hi Rose, I’m sorry you’re going through this! So both of my parents and my best friend are teachers. They dealt (and deal) with this daily. Both my parents are retired now but my father retired early and told me the way students behaved had much to do with it. My best friend currently left a job where the students continuously tried to harm each other and were aggressive and mean towards him. I’m not saying these things to worry you but because I feel that this is a problem with young people in schools, and you are absolutely not alone. In fact I would question how much it truly has to do with you and how much it has to do with the kids being disrespectful. It’s my understanding that much of it is an environment thing and that many schools treat it with an arms up in the air “we give up” kind of a way. I know my friend makes much of his money teaching online to a college, as well as private tutoring, and YES even in person with kids. But he needed to find the right environment for him (not only students but the other staff need to work well also). I think we are in a good age of teaching for as challenging as it is because there are many more avenues for teaching and learning than ever before! It’s also such an amazing thing and an artistry in itself haha.

Best of luck always!

[Rose23456 in reply to kspeidell]

I'ts so true! I appreciate your response!

[Rose23456 in reply to kspeidell]

Also, did your parents or best friend ever mention a teaching strategy that worked with disrespectful students? Like how they deal with them?

[kspeidell in reply to Rose23456]

From what I recall, essentially- They can’t be in the class if they act like that, it’s bad for the other students so they just had them removed. Either for the time being or whatever is available. The problem is that you’re a teacher not a disciplinarian in that way. you have a job to do for the students that want to be there and you can’t spend the other students time (and yours) on the ones that are like that. They have always made the rest of the staff or higher ups aware of the issue because that’s your support system right there. If they don’t respect that or can’t then it might be an issue with the school environment and that they don’t know what to do with misbehavior. But again, I’m not a teacher this is just my understanding

[Rose23456 in reply to kspeidell]

I hear, thanks so much!

[FeralFriend]

Don’t let them see you sweat, if the students bully you address it immediately. If you let them know something bothers you they will seize on that.Be yourself, crack a joke that will let them know you are human

[Rose23456 in reply to FeralFriend]

Thanks for your response! I would like to try that! Also, what would you say to address the bullying behavior? For example, lets say a student makes fun of my last name or says I'm weird?

[FeralFriend in reply to Rose23456]

I would respond by saying I hear that a lot and make a little joke about that. Tell them that is not being nice by making fun of your name.Sometimes a little humor can make everyone a little more relaxed

[Rose23456 in reply to FeralFriend]

Thanks!

[Rose23456 in reply to FeralFriend]

What joke would you make when students say i cant touch your marker. You have germs. i have to get my own marker or dont touch my book. They are not germophobic just want to bother me lol. This happens a lot in class. I usually just say fine you can get your own marker. Lol im not good at making up jokes

[FeralFriend in reply to Rose23456]

Be respectful because they may not want anyone using there markers

[Rose23456 in reply to FeralFriend]

Lol its my markers for the board

[FeralFriend in reply to Rose23456]

Hope it went well today

[The_Color_Blue]

For me, dealing with students is about five things:

1. You’re the expert in the room. Own it. Believe it. Have confidence in it and in yourself because of it.

2. Boundaries. You determine how you will and will not be treated. It’s up to you to make that determination and enforce it. If you demand respect, your students will respect you. If you let them bully you, they won’t. It is our natural human instinct to want to be liked. Our “need” to be liked blurs when we teach. You cannot be their friend. You have to be their teacher. You can be a role model, you can be kind, you can be compassionate and someone to whom your students will turn - but you need to be those things as a teacher, not a friend. There is a hierarchy and you have to preserve that.

3. Expectations. Your students should know exactly what is expected of them at all times and what the consequences are for not following those expectations. Students are ought to be empowered to make their own choices, but they also need to learn the consequences of those choices - and like all of us, sometimes they’re going to make poor choices.

4. Praise. There are enough things in this world to tear people down. As an educator it is your job to build people up; to build their confidence; to engage them in ways that allow them to prove to themselves how bright and capable they are. Praise should always exceed criticism, even when they are royally screwing up - because usually there’s a reason for it - and we never know what traumas people deal with when we’re not with them. Praise the person, criticize the choice.

5. Humanity. Be relatable. Use humor. Share your own experiences (in limited measure, using good taste) so that they know you weren’t always perfect as a student either. Ask questions to get to know them better. Treat them with basic humanity.

The beauty of this is that you will find they still like you. More than that, they respect you and they see you as someone they can turn to. You can feel scared, anxious, and intimidated on the inside, but you have to able to project confidence and calm on the outside. You have complete control over your behavior, so this is absolutely something you can do. I never believed in the phrase “fake it till you make it” until I started teaching. My first 2 years, all my confidence was was an act. But in that effort, I learned that students responded well to me. I watched them learn from me and become engaged. After those 2 years, my confidence was not longer an act - it didn’t have to be. I’d proved to myself just how good I could be and I believed in myself.

You got this. You can do this. Put on an outfit that makes you feel powerful and confident - walk into the room - and take charge. Imagine all the qualities you think make an outstanding teacher and decide to exhibit those qualities. It’s never about the absence of fear, anxiety, or uncertainty… it’s about being able to act and be effective despite those things. You said you have confidence in your teaching ability already - you’re over half way there - and with a little practice, you’re going to be great.

[Rose23456 in reply to The_Color_Blue]

Thanks so much! I appreciate your long response! I felt much more confident, assertive, and hopeful after reading your suggestions! I'm looking forward to implementing these suggestions!

[Kkimm in reply to The_Color_Blue]

What a valuable reply

[Rose23456]

Thanks so much! Ill look into it!

[Hidden]

My son used to love community building activities in school. Was pretty much the only part of HS that I heard about when he came home.

[Hidden]

I am retired on disability.I have training as a Teacher Aid through ICS.

I am also certified as a Tutor.

I did classroom Tutoring, it was not easy.

These were Adults learning English as a second lang.

I tutor online now and like that.

I do it for free.

I would recommend you get certified as a tutor a long with your teaching certification.

Have both helps, that is what the trainer told me.

When I taught Adults, did that for free.

The classroom thing, it was hard, not so much the teaching, but making sure they paid attention and that they spoke English.

[Rose23456 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks!

[NorwegianWood]

Some ideas from a retired teacher:

When kids are playing up in the classroom relocate them to sit immediately in front of you.

Work out what consequences are needed for poor behaviour and follow through on your warnings. If you let poor behaviour slide past, it gives permission for further poor behaviour.

Talk to individuals after the class.

Get individuals to write out a behaviour contract with consequences. Negotiate the behaviour and consequences with them.

Catch the kids behaving well and give their table a point. Table winners can be announced at the end of the week. Give them a privilete of some kind - 10 mins playing on the basketball court perhaps (during lesson).

Find the chance to talk to kids in the playground when you're on yard duty - a good way to build a relationship.

[NorwegianWood]

Oh, and a reminder that teaching is a highly demanding and draining job - along with needy and demanding parents, staff meetings, reports, behaviour, personal learning plans... It was a relief to finish permanent teaching. Our schools used 'restorative justice' procedures for bullying between students. Useful but it takes a time investment. I can explain if you want.

[Artemis38]

You have to be comfortable with yourself and firm with your students. Maybe some advice from your peers and superiors at the school. Tutoring can help you hone your leadership skills. Set boundaries with the students with enforcible consequences. Build your confidence in your abilities as a teacher but if you can't get control of the students then you may want to consider private in home tutoring.

[Rose23456 in reply to Artemis38]

Thanks so much!

[Midori]

I would suggest you find an assertiveness course. It can help you to be firm but fair and not cave in to the children wearing you down. Or the other teachers or parents.

Cheers, Midori

[The_Color_Blue]

Hi Rose. I just wanted to follow up. How goes teaching this week? Highlights? Lowlights?

[Rose23456 in reply to The_Color_Blue]

Hi thank you. It didnt end up working with the students i was teaching. The principal said i should just pull out diff students (im not the main teacher) and teach them one on one. Tomorrow it will be the first day hopefully it will be ok. I feel like the students i was teaching before will be upset at me for telling the principal that i wont be able to work with them bec they were misbehaving and its hard for me to teach a group of students when they are misbehaving. (They dont like the principal knowing that they were misbehaving) im honestly a little worried for tomorrow. I hope everything will be alright and they wont be upset at me and be even more disrespectful. I appreciate you checking in on me! Ill let you know if things get better!

[The_Color_Blue]

Rose - and I say this with great affection - stop caring! They are children who are still learning boundaries. They are children who made a choice to misbehave. If they don’t want people to know how they’ve acted, it means that they know their behavior is socially unacceptable. This is where you come in! If they are upset with you, then it’s the perfect opportunity to flex your brilliance!

If they say mean, angry, snide, or disrespectful things to you - your response is simple: “I understand you’re upset right now. But you’re angry because you made a choice to be disrespectful knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do. If you are embarrassed or upset when people realize how you behaved, then maybe you need to behave in ways that don’t embarrass you.”

This was a CHOICE they made! You did not make them misbehave. You did not throw them under the bus by being honest about their behavior. You took one step toward holding them accountable. They are humans who need to be able to function in the world. They need to understand consequences and accountability.

If they are angry, they are not angry with you, they are angry they got caught. So don’t internalize what they say. They are just mad at themselves and embarrassed… and probably a little shocked that you stood up for yourself by being truthful about the situation. This is the beginning, Rose!! You took a huge step today! This was progress. No one likes change when it means they suddenly need to be accountable and considerate. Of course they aren’t going to like it at first, but they will learn from it - and they will make different choices, and they’ll receive praise for their good choices, and they’ll no longer feel embarrassed by their decisions - and they’ll respect you because you taught them how to act in a way that allows them to respect themselves.

Working with them individually is a great idea. And it might simplify things a bit. But the solution to your problem isn’t some other students or some other arrangement. The solution is you - and your decision to demand better for yourself and for/of your students.

I’m so thrilled to hear about your day. It’s scary and uncertain - and you took those necessary steps anyway. You did a great job today - you should feel proud of thaf. You empowered yourself. Keep going! You’re on your way now. And keep me posted!

I can’t believe you already made such a big change in such a short amount of time! I’m so stoked to hear about your ongoing success.

[Rose23456 in reply to The_Color_Blue]

Thankfully today went much better than expected! The students apologized and said what they did wrong! They asked if we can still do the group bec i used to give candy and prizes but i said no. Instead they will join a diff teachers math group and i will assist them in there (instead of me being their main teacher) i think they will learn best that way. The good news is is that they learnt the consequence that if they misbehave then they cant do the group with me and get prizes and candy. I will also try being more assertive and saying to students that i would love to help you once you speak more respectfully. I hope i can keep it up and be consistant and not give in to negative behavior.

[The_Color_Blue in reply to Rose23456]

Eeeeeeek!!! This is great news! Look at you and what you’ve managed to turn around in 4 days! 4 days, Rose! You are remarkable. I’m super impressed - and so so happy for you. I sincerely hope what happened felt good today. I hope you felt confident, I hope you got a glimpse of your own power. I hope you begin to see that demanding respect for yourself will not only benefit you but also your students. I hope you commend yourself for acting bravely, confidently, assertive, and calmly - even if it may have felt scary on the inside. Great job, Rose. Your post made my day. Feel free to flex your success anytime. And, when you undoubtedly encounter difficult days - because we all do - don’t let them make you doubt yourself. You’ve already proved you have everything it takes to be a wonderful teacher. Remember today. OMG. So excited!

[Rose23456 in reply to The_Color_Blue]

Thank you! You are very motivating encouraging! You made my day

[The_Color_Blue in reply to Rose23456]

You did all the hard work. I just believe in you in the same way I hope you learn to believe in yourself. Until you get there, I’m happy to be your cheerleader and remind you to kick a little a$$ every now and then. 😉

[Rose23456 in reply to The_Color_Blue]

Lol. Thanks

[NorwegianWood in reply to Rose23456]

Woh! That is excellent - strong, clear boundaries, tough love, firm and offering a way ahead dependent on student behaviour.

[Rose23456]

Thank you so much. It helped me feel better.❤️

[Rose23456]

Thanks i actually just bought the book!

[Rose23456]

Thanks i actualy just bought the book!

[Rose23456]

Thank you!