My mental health is ruining my career

[ZetaLovesCats]

I'm extremely career-focused and have worked very hard to establish my career. Recently, my boss informed me that the promotion that was going to be offered to me is no longer a consideration because the top boss doesn't like women who cry. It's hard enough to be severely depressed. Why do they have to humiliate me too?

[b1b1b1]

Try very hard not to cry at work. Most bosses really dislike that; cry when you leave for the day. This applies to almost any work environment. I know this sounds harsh, but it is true. Since you are very career focused (which is great), do your best to really work on this. xx

[Blueruth]

Unfortunately women are in particular not allowed to express emotion at work. There have been whole books written about women in public life trained to avoid emotion paradoxically to a detriment. I do have to agree with B1 that crying at work is not a good idea. If you have teammates it makes it very difficult for them because they don't know if something they say could trigger it. It is very uncomfortable. Your quality of work suffers too.

if this is something you can't control you should talk to your doctor about FMLA. FMLA is a US thing. It will not get you any promotions but it will protect your job and enable you to get last minute help when needed. The idea is to recover so you can get a promotion.

I'm very conservative when it comes to RXs but the original reason they were invented is to enable people to work while they heal. Even feeling a little dull (not too much) is better than crying uncontrollably in my opinion.

[ZetaLovesCats in reply to Blueruth]

This gives me a little bit different perspective. I know that crying is unprofessional and it makes me feel worthless, but I always hoped my work ethic and "Give-110%" attitude compensated for it in the eyes of my team. I didn't think about the fact that it makes my team uncomfortable.

I try extremely hard not to cry. Unfortunately, I have seen many different doctors, spent a lot of time in therapy, sat through TMS sessions, and have taken one medication after another for more than 30 years, without success. If I had the ability to stop the crying, I would have done it. I've always thought that some doctor would finally be able to figure out what's wrong with my brain and fix me. I filed a record of my diagnosis with my HR Department to prevent them from firing me for it.

[Blueruth in reply to ZetaLovesCats]

"I filed a record of my diagnosis with my HR Department to prevent them from firing me for it"

Are you in the US? Without FMLA I am almost certain they can find a reason to fire you for cause. Especially if you are in an at will state.

[ZetaLovesCats in reply to Blueruth]

I am in the US. I hope I am protected by ADA since I provided them with medical documentation.

[Blueruth in reply to ZetaLovesCats]

except you just told them your diagnosis something you should never do! Perhaps this will help.

kansastag.gov/AdvHTML_Uploa...

[Frankie24]

I am very sorry to hear this ! Makes me feel like it’s still a man’s world out there. I work for three single older men who are confirmed bachelors. They clearly don’t see women as their equals but never treat anyone that way in the workplace. They are always fair and very giving. I also work under an operations manager who is estranged from his wife. He too thinks women are second rate citizens but it has never been a problem in the workplace. Again I have always been treated fairly and commended for a job well done. I wish I could advise you. It sounds like you have worked hard to get where you are. However if they are not going to recognize and appreciate you for the work you do, maybe you need to find a place that will !! As other’s have already mentioned if you can get doctor to sign off on a psychiatric diagnosis you can get FMLA if it’s available in your state. I had to take it last year for I think the maximum twenty weeks during a depressive and suicidal crisis. Take of yourself .

[Blueruth in reply to Frankie24]

it is a man’s world!

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi ZLC.

It's not a man's world in the slightest & I believes ladies shouldn't think that way as then it's says to men that ur not good enough yet U may be the one who is far better than they are & if they know that then what's one of te first things done in gaslighting .... that ur less than U are .

Is there any reason why U can't find a job similar & go again or be daring & start ur own company & buy those jerks on ur way up. Its up to U which direction U head in .

[designguy]

I was very career focused and a high striver and also a perfectionist and this may or may not fit for you. i didn't realize at the time how much I was seeking and needed external approval and validation from others to compensate for my low-self-worth and low-self-esteem. I hid my shame behind my perfectionism. It wasn't my fault, it's how I thought I had to function to survive based upon the events, programming and beliefs of my childhood.

When we have healthy self-worth/self-esteem and learn to validate ourself we are less likely to be impacted by others opinions of us and realize that it is their issues and not ours. We're also better able to stand up for ourselves. We also realize that no one can humiliate us unless we choose to let them.

It sounds like you would benefit from working with a therapist to investigate your emotional pain and understand it and help you process it and help with your self-worth and self-care to be a healthier you. Best to you.