Depressed : I can barely get going. I... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Depressed

Starrlight profile image
70 Replies

I can barely get going. I do all the stuff I need to do for people and then I lay down and wish I was gone from this world. That’s it. I have no motivation to get out to parks or to read or anything. I know what would be good for me. I’m exhausted abd I just want to lay here and give in for a while. Terrible flashbacks but worse the present feeling of no one by my side when I give my all to others and here I am almost completely hopeless and with no one by my side. It’s so depressing. Someone said you were doing great but now I see you struggling why don’t you run but I can barely sit up right now. I went from sleeping 2-3 hour night to like 11. I’m going to sleep good night ✨ 🌚

70 Replies
Celtic27 profile image
Celtic27

Hi starlight I'm sorry to hear your feeling so down are you living more in the past were most of your problems are I would say if that's the case can you block out these memories or try on making new memories in the present day! Please don't give up I think your a good person and I certainly don't want you to give up. Please take care and if you want to talk please message me and I will get back to you as soon as I can. 🍀 David

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Celtic27

You are always so kind compassionate and I thank you for being here for me. I took a nap and ate and drank healthy and I feel better. You are right if it’s the past I have to move past that and be here now. I think I’ll clean because I always feel better when surroundings are nice. And I have plans to exercise in the morning Blessings to you. How are you doing, David?

Hope4me1 profile image
Hope4me1

I know how you feel. I am struggling right now, too. I don’t feel that I am being supported by my meds dr or clinic. I have not slept a good nights sleep in weeks.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Hope4me1

I’m sorry. Yeah not getting good sleep will mess with us every time. Maybe time to find a new team to work with. Blessings to you. ❤️

Hope4me1 profile image
Hope4me1 in reply to Starrlight

I have called a new clinic. I go tomorrow to get set up with the dr’s. Hopefully this will help out with my meds being totally screwed up. Need more therapy time, too. Let’s all feel the best we can. Our support is so important! Sending out positive thoughts😊🌷

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Hope4me1

Good attitude. Sending you the best positives vibes ever(((((((((((((

Hope4me1 profile image
Hope4me1 in reply to Starrlight

It didn’t work out at all! They are understaffed and can only offer me group therapy via Zoom. I can wait in line every Wednesday and Thursday to possibly be assigned a meds dr. Might be another APRN. Can you believe this??! Went back to my original clinic. At least I can see a therapist there and work with a dr. I saw her Saturday and she will work with me. I feel ok about keeping them as my resource after seeing what little others have to offer. It’s a scary time for many people and I have to take what help is available.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Hope4me1

Wow. So sorry 😣

Mrspjsmom profile image
Mrspjsmom

I've been awake for almost seven hours now. Haven't accomplished anything. Only ate because my husband made something. It's a beautiful day outside and I don't care. So many things I should do. Today I can't. I just want to curl up on the couch and cry. You aren't alone. We all struggle at times. Sometimes more than others. Do what you MUST do and be kind to yourself. I wish I had some profound words of wisdom. HUGS ❤

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom

What you said is perfect in your honesty. I’m so sorry you feel similar though. Sucks. I think sometimes we just need to chill and do anything we want or do nothing if that’s what we need to do. I suddenly had a burst of energy so I’ll straighten up as this will make me feel better I think. I will be sending good vibes to you((((((((((((((((((((( Hope you feel better soon... love ya

Roxylox profile image
Roxylox in reply to Starrlight

My energy and enthusiasm are down as well. There must be something in the air

Mrspjsmom profile image
Mrspjsmom in reply to Roxylox

Sometimes I wonder if there is something in the air. Or something else. Weather? Changing the clocks? Whatever.

Roxylox profile image
Roxylox in reply to Mrspjsmom

Didn't think of the changing of the clocks, could be a factor too.

Weather also dull and misty, don't like it. Must struggle to get off couch and walk dog now.

Have parent/ teacher meeting on Google Meet online later. A ittle nervous about that . Should try to get a bit energized before that.

Thanks for providing a few likely reasons

Mrspjsmom profile image
Mrspjsmom in reply to Roxylox

I always struggle in different ways when we change the clocks. Never thought about it until I realized it messes the dog up too 😅 This time of year is cold and dreary. Then there is anxiety from the upcoming holiday season. My children are grown so I don't need to shop much. They usually get gift cards. But my mother in law still dictates how and where we will celebrate the holidays. I'm sure your Google meeting will go well. I always put some little thing near me. Something others can't see because it's out of sight from the camera. It helps keep my anxiety in check. Have been doing it for virtual appointments. Hope today is a better day.

Roxylox profile image
Roxylox in reply to Mrspjsmom

Thans very much. Think l told you the aves of mine. 24, 22, 18. But they still expect actual presents! It is a stressor every year. I don 't like to disappoint

Mrspjsmom profile image
Mrspjsmom in reply to Roxylox

I get it. But they buy whatever they want themselves. So I only get them one or two small things. Then gift cards.

Roxylox profile image
Roxylox in reply to Mrspjsmom

Im just a soft old fool l think!

Mrspjsmom profile image
Mrspjsmom in reply to Roxylox

Not at all.

Hope4me1 profile image
Hope4me1 in reply to Mrspjsmom

Kind, healing wishes to you💕🌻

Downandout123 profile image
Downandout123

Hi Starr,Is it at all possible for you to hire someone to do some of the household chores to help you out? This way you have more time for you and your family to spend together? It could be such a great help.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Downandout123

Omg that would be awesome!!!!!!! Hmmmm I don’t know 😂 I don’t know. I don’t make the money around here and although we do share it because I do work too I don’t think my husband would be down with it unfortunately but that’s an awesome idea!!!!!!

Downandout123 profile image
Downandout123 in reply to Starrlight

It's worth a try anyway!! 😊

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Downandout123

Yes!

LunaSkye profile image
LunaSkye

oh Starlight I am so sorry , flashbacks & feeling alone are so hard. Please don't give up. I really care for you . Have you talked to your dr. about these feelings & maybe need meds to be tweeked ? Please try to , the longer you wait the worse it may get. I have learned the hard way to speak to my dr. as soon as I start to spiral downhill. I wish I could be there & give you a hug & support. You are in my prayers. Feel free to message me. Hang in there , you are a beautiful soul & you have helped so many of us in this group. Please take care💕

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to LunaSkye

Thank you so much!!!!!! Great idea, I’ll call my psychiatrist. Will be hanging in there! Best to you and thanks for the pm invitation!!! You are such a good friend ❤️

purple_elephant42 profile image
purple_elephant42

I am so unbelievably sorry you're going through this right now. I have really similar depressive episodes, actually I'm in the middle of one now. Just getting out of bed and taking a shower is the most monumental of tasks. It's incredibly difficult and I wish so badly that this wasn't the case for you right now. Something I read online recently regarding this exact issue was essentially this - if you're holding off on your life waiting for the moment when you "feel" like doing something, you'll end up waiting forever. They pointed out that motivation starts when you start doing a task, not before. It's like tricking your brain into motivating itself. You can do anything for 2 minutes, even if your heart isn't in it, and even if it feels pointless. Once you do it for 2 minutes, maybe you can do 5 more. Then another 5 and another, until all the sudden, you've read a whole chapter of a book, and you didn't even have to leave the comfort of your bed! Maybe after that you'll start to feel a little better, then you can take 5 more minutes and get ahead on another task, like doing the dishes or putting together a small snack for yourself. It's all about baby steps.

I know from personal experience that it's never actually that easy, and I don't mean to insinuate that it is. I can't tell you how many times I've tried this just to read the same page over and over again because it's borderline impossible for my brain to actually retain what I'm reading. But it's a start, and slowly over time it starts to make a big difference. If you'd like someone to talk to, my messages are always open! Sending you all the love in my heart, hugs x

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to purple_elephant42

That makes sense reminds of when I say to myself “just do it” and then it’s done before I know it instead of constantly thinking about doing it. Sending all the love in my heart as well. Thank you so much! I managed to go out do errands cook dinner and we’ll it seemed like a lot more than that now I’m planning on working out first thing in the morning because that’s when I feel my best so it will help me to keep going through my day hopefully. I plan on doing weights walk and jump rope.

purple_elephant42 profile image
purple_elephant42

That's amazing!! Look at you go, it's all about one step at a time. It's so important to go at your own pace and listen to yourself when it gets to be too much. I know sometimes I get into an all or nothing type mentality when it comes to this. Be patient with yourself, you're doing exactly what you need to do. Proud of you!

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to purple_elephant42

I love you ❤️ Thanks for the encouragement

Earkick profile image
Earkick

Dear Starrlight, feeling with you and grateful for everything you do for others despite of you going through rough times. May today be good to you!

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Earkick

Wow thanks! I woke up to a new day and I think I’ll make it the best I can I think it will be a good one! Thanks so much ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14

((((⭐️))))Don't push. If you are feeling that bad do the minimal and take care of you.

I know you have a lot of responsibility in your home. But you need down time. Put on some music and just chill.

❤️🐬

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

That’s good advice. Today I feel like doing some weights and stuff but if I start feeling drained at all I will chill. I will take care of myself. Music- yes!!!!!! Thank you!!!! How perfect- i always forget the power of music! Love you so 💕 ❤️

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

🐬 loves you too ⭐️

❤️

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

Yaaaaay!!!! You know what?!?At the time at like 4:00 or whatever it was in the morning as I was jump roping for 25 minutes it didn’t seem like enough but now I’m like I did that!?!? 😳 I’m so happy now. I’m such a morning person so I set my parent teacher conference for the first one in the morning otherwise I’d be a complete mess of nerves but in the morning I have super powers I think. 😂

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

Fabulous job on the jump rope:) it's a great workout.

I hear you on morning person. My workout routine starts between 3-4 am. I like all my appointments in the morning also. When I get something in the afternoon I'm not happy. But sometimes that has to be done.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

☀️ Yes my super morning twin! Same! I had an appointment at 7:00pm but since it was close to my bedtime somehow it was better than the middle of my day 🤔 🧐 🤨 hmmm I just like morning and night the rest is just boooooo ☀️ ✨ 🌙

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

Haha. I hear you. 7pm I would be showing up for an appointment in my pajamas

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

🤣 yes

alfreddy7 profile image
alfreddy7

We are all here for you starlight.

I’ve been there too. And will be there again. Just gotta be ready for it.

Here is a virtual hug 🤗

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to alfreddy7

Thanks love and hugs backatchya ((((((((( ❤️))))))))) thanks for being here!

Melancholy12 profile image
Melancholy12

God it’s so hard, I know I have been there. Start small - a step here a step there. Don’t force yourself to do anything. I know how can you run When you can barely walk. Go outside and breathe some air. Think about what you used to love to do before life got so insane.Try it in small steps again. All the peace to you.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Melancholy12

Yeah right?! Life does seem to have gotten insane ... I used to paint and do photography and run and take care of my pets and read but today i don’t know I might declutter because it will give me piece of mind.... I don’t know. You’ve got me thinking... thank you.... I’ll keep thinking about it!!!

What helps you?

Melancholy12 profile image
Melancholy12

Just keep thinking of those pets - they are such a godsend. Decluttering really helps. I heard if you don’t like the object or it’s not useful - out it goes. Or take a picture of it and out it goes. My new thing is I will only buy something like a knick knack when I travel so that will remind me of my trip.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Melancholy12

That’s smart... thing is the clutter belongs to my kids so I have to encourage them to get rid of what isnt important to them but like it’s all important to them 😳

ZERO_ZEN profile image
ZERO_ZEN

I will send good thoughts your way. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I knew what to say, other than I understand. If at all possible, try to sit outside for some natural sunlight and fresh air. It sounds like the least helpful thing I could suggest or you could do, yet it might just give you a much needed mood boost to help you get going. It is also 15-20 minutes of self-care, which sounds like something you can certainly use. You might find it helpful to think of things you really enjoy as it relates to self care, a special kind of coffee, a massage, a manicure, watching a movie, enjoy listening to a favorite song, etc. These small acts of kindness toward yourself will go a long way as far as an emotional escape from what you are dealing with. I truly hope you can find the strength for self-care and that it helps you moving forward. I'm working on setting up a reward system for myself like if I accomplish this, then I will do that for myself. It might help with motivation and overall outlook.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to ZERO_ZEN

Thank you so much- you’re words from your heart means so much. I managed to jump rope for 25 minutes this morning. And then I realized I ran the car into the oil container so I worked on cleaning that up omg what a workout... bottom done yet... I’m stressed out but the exercise helped. You are right I need music now. I’ll try music and chillin today the best I can. Maybe getting rid of some clothes that others can use; the ones I never wear it just seems wrong for them to sit there when I don’t wear them. The real depression gets bad after the stress of virtual school gets too much then I have a breakdown snd get angry and depressed so today as soon as I start to get stressed I will step away. Do something calming.

fluorescenceBlue profile image
fluorescenceBlue

Hi Starrlight,

Sorry to hear about the way you feel. I was / am going thru similar thoughts. For me it leads to anger, frustration, anxiety. I go over past again and again and try to fix it in my thoughts. Impossible to get over and everything OR everyone else do not matter. This is what I try to do. Try to separate Healthy reflection from unhealthy Rumination. Like worrying about parent-teacher meeting is healthy, but trying to go over past events months, years OR in my case decades is unhealthy Rumination.

So

Healthy reflection is productive thinking about negatives in the past.

Rumination is unproductive thinking about negatives in the past.

Also like others suggested try to physically active, do anything to get ur mind in motion. That generally work. Keep it mind it is never easy and will take time, so patience is key.

Wishing you all the best and may you have strength to get over it.

Sadha

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to fluorescenceBlue

Smart i will apply this in my life. ❤️ 💕 ❤️

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way 💋.. It's hard when people don't understand.. I have people around me but I still feel lonely. My mom probably should herself go to therapy but when I say I want to I'm abused verbally, so I don't know if I have diagnosed depression.. My low days, even when things, are great I want to cry and am annoyed easily.. When my mom is nasty I get dark thoughts about myself.. It's scary.. Meditation not help.. Or other suggestions, I tried them.. Until this site I felt alone.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Lve2dance

Sounds like it’s best to keep distance from your mom. I’m so glad you found this sight. It’s the greatest site I’ve ever found!

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance in reply to Starrlight

We share home gym so I can't always get space when it's needed. She is an awesome person usually.. She sacrificed a lot for me over the years.. Still no excuse.. I found the site because I was looking for free help.. I can afford to pay, but I have no emotional support.. Only verbally abused when I ask for outside help.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Lve2dance

(((((((((((((Lve2dance))))))))))

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance in reply to Starrlight

She needs help.. Gets angry easily.. Like scary angry.. Very controlling.. I never know how she will be when I am in the room.. Definitely impacts anxiety.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Lve2dance

Oh that’s really tough. Like walking on eggshells. That’s not fair to you. Try to ignore her and remember the stuff is hers nothing to do with you it’s her junk

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance in reply to Starrlight

True story.. It's hard though when I am trying to pick myself up anyway.. Harder to ignore.. I have not had such dark times since college.. But I had more in person support and outlets

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Lve2dance

Oh no I do understand I live with my father who controls snd is a narcissist it’s very hard and I have bipolar so yeah... do you think you could find a therapist? If you don’t have one? If you do have one, a specialist maybe?

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance in reply to Starrlight

That's the problem.. My mom thinks it's funny..or to punish her.. It's not a money issue.. It's I don't have the support.. It's funny she says, ok I'll put you on something and you can get fat.. I lost weight beginning of the pandemic.. I didn't need to. I'm low, weight for my height, but I am eating a lot now.. I survived a lot literally so I know I am strong.. Anxiety is perceived as a weakness, and it's, not, but I feel less than..

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance in reply to Starrlight

Some days tho I'm just sad.. I only get up to go to work.. I can't even make simple decisions like what to wear.. I should look forward to going out on dates.. But it's the same thing.. I try techniques that are suggested but I am over thinking that so I get more anxiety.. I think it's things I used to do anyway that helped when I wasn't overthinking..

Amaya07 profile image
Amaya07

Starlight. first I am hoping uou are gettimg some help from a physician.

I completely emphathize with what you wrote.

I believed everything I did for my family and friends and parts of my life I gave up and were demanded would keep their love.

Surprise ! I am here alone, feeling like you exhausted and all the rest.

Please take care of yourself first .We here are all " on your side."

Amaya❤

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Amaya07

❤️ thank you sooooooo much! Got to go clean up oil spill. I ran my car into a full oil bucket. It burst and well I am taking soil to soak it and scooping it up -... fun right!? 🤣 p.s. I have a team of therapist general doc and psychiatrist thanks fir caring.

Lazy_dog_lover profile image
Lazy_dog_lover

Hello Starlight, I think most of us have been here or at least close, and we are still here. Somehow, we come out the other side.

Just from your short post, I am wondering if you had someone by your side prior to this event? If so, then you are in a stage of grieving. That is normal.

I am currently listening to an audio book that separates the meaning of life from the meaning in life, in our own lives. Through doing actions that you find meaningful, the fog will lift.

Make holiday cards for the residents of a local nursing care center. Clean your closet and give outfits a person can wear to an interview directly to a center or service where unemployed are living. I make care packages for Veterans and a women’s shelter. I have a bin and a sign outside collecting towels from my neighbors for an animal shelter.

I am trying to make meaning out of my life. I had a major car accident in March of 2020. I am heading in for my 7th surgery. I know there is an 8th around the corner. I am juggling agencies, doctors, PT, and my daily life of being a homeowner…. All by myself.

There are days where I feel poorly and do less. The days where I feel better, I do more. Both are ok.

I am learning to meditate. I get help from my therapist, from a hypnotherapist, people I have met in online groups, my physical therapist, and a few people from work.

Best wishes.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Lazy_dog_lover

That’s amazing. I used to volunteer like take cancer patients to their appointments, pick up food and bring it to people, that kind of stuff. I find that taking care of my mom snd kids especially really is a lot so I don’t do much else but those are really great collecting towels etc I am in the process of giving away nice clothes that I just don’t wear. Thanks for all that you do I think it’s beautiful. You are beautiful. Keep fighting. I’m so sorry about your accident and surgeries but that won’t stop you will it!? Awesome.

Hollick profile image
Hollick

Hi, really struggling here with not feeling any motivation..I hope we can get past this n feel better about ourselves..God bless..

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Hollick

Yes me too... mine goes in spurts I have bipolar so I’ll be way up then sink way down over and over again. I will be here for you. Let it out all the frustrations we are all here to listen and it can really be helpful to talk about things that are going on in your life. Nice to meet you! God bless you too. Do you want to talk some more?

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain

I'm a night person, the only time I have a bit of clarity in my life. The physical pain is at its worst, but my mind is as clear as it gets anymore. Anxiety and depression are huge beasts that won't let me go for so long I don't know anything else. Some bad days. Lots of eternal, terrified days and nights.

I wish I had something magical to comfort you. I'm sorry you're struggling.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but-pain

It’s night now. I fell asleep early now I’m up at 12 midnight. I wonder if you are up too. The thought of you being comforted by the sight of the moon is magical 🌙 to me. I look up to the sky and it’s all clouds. So I will take the longest best shower. That’s all I can think to do to lift myself up. That and tea. And then there’s music ... there’s always something to try. When the sun comes up I will see if I can jump rope again like yesterday. It felt good breaking a sweat. I never know with this bipolar. What I’ll be capable of but I try my best. Hope you are getting good sleep. ✨ 🌚

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Starrlight

I'm up. I'm always up at this hour.

I like hearing of your plan to lift yourself. Some of your ideas are my frequent go-tos. I love long showers. They seem to briefly heal my body, too. Tea is one of my favorite escapes, even mixing spices to make a special chai when I treat myself.

Music frightens me now. I feel things passionately, and the hurt is too deep to rip the scab. Silly, trite tunes are my new friends. My old favorites menace me.

My sleep will come late tonight as usual.

I made a quilt once of the night sky, the moon, and the stars. It's been in a closet for years.

We shared just a bit of magic tonight. I'm glad.

I'll leave you with a bit of verse I enjoy:

Awake! for Morning in the Bowl of Night

Has flung the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight:

And Lo! the Hunter of the East has caught

The Sultan's Turret in a Noose of Light.

-----------

Sleep well dear Starrlight.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but-pain

That’s beautiful thank you for sharing the verses. I went to sleep yesterday at around 5 pm so I got my 7 hours. But you sleep well beautiful moon child 🌝 I think we’ve all got the child in us and you remind me of the beautiful moon. I know it, I recall when music scared me, the emotions too much so raw. And that’s ok. It’s healing time. ✨

Arniestal profile image
Arniestal

When you feel like this i think you should sleep you are very tired. It always seems to me that people who give the most to others often receive the least back. Maybe because we are expected to give, maybe people think we dont need looking after. I understand the zero motivation. Ive had many days, weeks, months where i just want to be alone i have to go to the cinema to be alone sitting in the dark ive often fallen asleep. I still go there but lately i have joined a couple of things and meeting people has helped a lot. My personal motivation is not there, all my interests and hobbies have gone. But dont worry about that do what you can and if you need to rest let yourself. Go easy on yourself.

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