Extremely Depressed

[Irishinthebay]

I recently got out of hospital after five weeks for depression. I have barely been able to get out of bed for about a year and I’m still not doing good. My body won’t do what my mind wants it to and the thought of even taking a shower fills me with dread. I have two little girls and they’re with my ex husband because I can’t take care of them and the guilt and shame I feel about that really kills me. I just don’t feel like I’m ever going to recover and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t live like this.

[Agora1]

Irishinthebay, I'd like to Welcome you to an amazing forum.

First of all, let me tell you that "you are going to recover". Maybe not tomorrow

or next week but it will happen when you are totally ready.

It sounds like you have been through a lot more recently involving a divorce. That

in itself is one of the highest stressors. Put with that having children that you are

unable to care for right now adds another high stress.

I was in the hospital years ago for extremely high fear and anxiety. I used that time

to learn about my situational anxiety as well as to find myself again. Even with being

on medication and attending every program they had on the ward, I still wasn't ready

when I go home to get on with my life. You spent a year not getting out of bed before

that. I spent 5 years with Agoraphobia, never even sticking my head out the door.

So you can see that several weeks in the hospital is not enough. We can't expect months

of negativity to suddenly be erased by several weeks in the hospital.

The hospital stay was but a teaching time for us. I loved the structure of the program.

Something that is difficult to have a structure day when at home. but you can use all

the things you learned during that in patient time. As when you are sick, it takes time

to get back to feeling like yourself again, so is it with mental illness. Eventually, it gets

better as our mind heals and our body follows suit. I'm glad you are here, this is your

safe place to come. xx

[Irishinthebay in reply to Agora1]

Agora1, thank you so much. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot too. I feel a little better just being here and being with people who understand, it makes a huge difference. Thanks again 🙏

[In2thenow]

Been there multiple times. You will get past it. Remember when you're going thru hell,keep going.

[Irishinthebay in reply to In2thenow]

In2thenow, thank you. I’m in a lot of pain and don’t see much light right now but I’ll keep going like I always do. I sometimes just really want to die.

[Suzhou]

Sometimes you have to put yourself first. If you aren’t good how can you care for others? Your girls would want you to take care of yourself.

[Irishinthebay in reply to Suzhou]

You’re so right, thank you Suzhou.

[robbylynnofnm]

I have had a hospital stay and my psychiatrist said it might take a year to get to my physical and mental health recovery. I went to my appointments and took my medication and worked hard, keeping busy. Gradually I felt better and got stronger. That was back in 2013. I can honestly say it took me that year to recover. He was absolutely right. I didn't get back to "normal", I got better. I had a new "normal" it was not the same as I had been because I changed. I had adult children at the time and grandchildren that needed me but I had to be selfish. I had to ask for help. I had to take baby steps and lean on others for advice, support and comfort. Shame is often associated with mental illness. It's non-productive. You wouldn't expect someone who injured their spine and was in a wheelchair to immediately be hiking or riding a bike. Why do we not acknowledge that we are ill to ourselves and give our mind the time it needs to heal just like a physical injury? If you had a spinal injury you would probably need physical rehabilitation right? Well you have had a mental injury or illness. It will take you time and there is absolutely NO SHAME in that. Putting your children's health and happiness first and allowing them to go with their father was a responsible decision. I wish more mothers and fathers would do so when they are ill or incapacitated. Your fortunate to have him to help and it shows what a great mother you are that you put your child's happiness above your own. You'll get stronger each and every day. Just follow your care plan, adjust it if you need to and use your support system to get through the next minute, hour, day, week, month or whatever way you want to measure it. The mind is working 24 hours a day like the heart. If you injure it you need time to heal it. We crawl before we run. Hold on honey. From someone whose been there. You are a good Mom. You love your children. They will need you all your life. It's okay to take the time you need. Stay safe honey.

[Irishinthebay in reply to robbylynnofnm]

Robbylynnofnm, thank you so much. I actually feel slightly better today and I think it’s because of being here. The support is amazing.