I feel very ashamed for my last post in which I said I felt I wanted to die.
I realize life is a gift no matter how difficult and I see my mom struggle with her Alzheimer’s I just feel so badly for her to see her struggle and this bipolar is really hitting me hard right now I barely sleep and cut ties with my sister it’s very hard for my heart to bare. But it’s no reason for me to sink down. I realize I have to be strong and I have to be hopeful and I have to be the best I can be no matter what. I love my kids like no one knows. I will try harder and I apologize to you all. I also thank each one of you for your responses.
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Starrlight
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72 Replies
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Please never try to hurt yourself. There are thousand reasons more to live than to end your life. Take care
((((⭐️)))) I didn't read your post. But reading this I can see your life is full of " stuff" right now, We are going to have down days and days where we feel overwhelmed. I'mso glad you came here and wrote your feelings. The support and understanding is here for you.
You are a strong ⭐️. But even cement can crack under pressure. Don't expect to be a perfect ⭐️ every day. But don't forget to tell yourself you are trying hard and doing the best you can. Be proud of that
🐬!!!!!!!!!!!! Hi again 😂 I like to write but sometimes I write too much maybe ...maybe some things I should write to myself and then burn it you know!?
I like that thank you I do feel strong once again...yes we all can crack under pressure can’t we!? I’ll do my best to feel proud. You are right I am so trying my best I love with all of my heart 💜 and I am grateful now.
Never apologise fir who you are, Alzheimer’s is very difficult to deal with, fir ones that care, not necessarily for the person who has it, my dad had it, and was tough for me to become the adult, when he became the child, really tough x You are amazing honey you really are ! You have such a strength in you, and the love you have for your children is spectacular, xxxx I love you ❤️❤️❤️
Starrlight never give up or feel defeated you have given such hope,Love and positivity to so many on site including me and I am eternally grateful.People like you ( Jeff 1943 ) (Be Kind) (Agora) and many more who really take notice of people like me suffering every day and night with different illnesses and trials of everyday living and write to the site always receive sound advice lots of hope and an abundance of healing love and I am sending you a big virtual hug and hope your tired mind soon fills with lots of the good vibes that we all wish for you take care my Lovely Friend and stay safe 💐🤗 xx
I am so grateful for people like you, kind and grateful people. Thank you! You really have just made my day. I do try to help people and it means a lot to me that you think I do make a difference. You are a good friend to me. Today my mind is quite at peace. I just am finishing up decorating for my son’s bday party I need to still make cake and lasagna but no big deal I can talk with my friends later while I make them. Right now I have balloons to blow up.
Don't apologize, it's part of the disease. This is very common, and I call it my abyss. I don't think this topic has missed most of us at one point or another who suffer from depression, etc. There doesn't have to be a reason, but a lot of us feel we need to find one....these lows just happen. Sure, there are outside influences that help perpetuate these feelings, but it's not always the case.
Suicidal ideation, suicidal passing thoughts, periods of depression so bad we just want a quick fix, all of us who suffer from mental injury and our mental issues, go through waves of emotional ups and downs. It's brain chemistry, pre-disposition, and mental injury. We don't need a reason to feel bad sometimes...we just do.
Wow thank you. Yeah it was so hard like I could not help it I thought I have to be stronger better than this but I just couldn’t. What you say makes sense total sense. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((❤️))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
No need to apologize to me. We all have our lows and I am glad you shared yours. Keeping things bottled up makes them worse. I hope sharing was helpful and wish you better days soon. HUGS ❤
I am here and will listen anytime. My Dad had early onset dementia. By the time he was my age he was in a nursing home and the person I knew was already gone. My Mom attempted to take her life many times. Ultimately she died when she was 42. She was diabetic and never did what she was supposed to. And my sister, well let's just say I could write a book about sibling abuse. So please reach out when you need to. Sometimes we all need someone to listen.
Wow so sorry you just have had a lot go on in your life to deal with to make you strong but doesn’t seem fair you know ... thank you I will reach out when I need to it’s just hard to you know
No need to apologize for the way you feel. You have the right to feel the way you feel. No need to apologize for venting and letting it out. You have the right to let it out. It actually helps. I also do this. I have the compulsive need to vent and when i do i swear, i swur, i tell i'm going to kill myself and everything. And people get mad and say bullshit like "life is a gift blah blah blah". Or just ignore. But what i'm saying is this is not about the others. Others are happy living their silly little lifes, feeling the "life is a gift" bullshit. Yeah, for them it is. But for us Who have mentally ill mothers isn't not. So If it helps you(venting is like therapy, writing it out, letting it out, being able to read it and analyse it, this is so helpful and If someone hits you with the gratitude or life is blah blah bullshit, f em). I'm actually really proud of you, i would rather listen to you talking about wanting to die than dying. Fight the stigma. And getting critized. You know the pictures online "i'd rather listen to your story, than attend your funeral". I'm really proud of you for speaking openly and for being here. It is hard, don't let anyone deny it and that's why it's a hero thing. So good job and so proud of you fighting the stigma and being here💯💯💯
Yes! Talking about dying rather than dying- exactly! And yes so true life does not always feel like a gift to me either there is so much pain. Thanks Glonk I’m good today how are you doing?
Happy to read this. I am struggling with my own mentally unstable mother and teenage sis and trying to protect her and my own anxiety and trauma but happy i could help
I am so happy to see your change of heart and understand completely that sometimes we feel a certain way and say things we are feeling because our emotions are high. You are in my thoughts. Let my light shine and give you warmth in your soul.💕
Starr, your ability to come on here and call it like it is is fearless, whatever else it might be. I don't know much about suicide ideation and how to combat it, so I can't judge whether or not your post was helpful, but it seemed like you got to the logic leading to Life by following the thread. It got scary, but we made it out again.
Dark thoughts and feeling can become all consuming if you dont open up about them, so I'm glad you opened up. Though it may seem there is no light at the end of the tunnel pls remember the precious children who are the loves of your life. Use them as an anchor to pull you through. You and your life are precious. I know that you have this verse on your profile so I'll remind you and hopefully it brings comfort. "So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief"
I looooove that saying I say it all the time “ after every difficulty comes ease!!!!! So awesome
I had said this in your other post, Starrlight, before I saw this one. I wanted to re-post so that you would not miss it.
No apology is needed. ❤️
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There is only good in you, Starrlight. 💕
You come here and share your journey and the struggles that you encounter along the sometimes rocky and twisty road. This helps so many, it really does.
Each one of us have had the same emotions and thoughts at various times in our lives. We are all so similar, yet different. The beauty is that you are willing to put it out there, and this is admirable, so very admirable.
Please keep making your posts, they are needed for two important reasons. They help you because you are letting your emotions free themselves. The second is, again, that they help the rest of us by encouraging a response. This helps us to let our emotions out of that tightly closed bottle within us.
(((Starrlight))) 💗 Sweetheart I'm sorry you are going through so much. Thank you for being strong enough to post your last post, keeping it up & this post. It shows the honesty of how mental illness is, something I'm sure many here can relate to. Don't feel ashamed for reaching out, we're here for you. I love you dear one.
Starrlight No need to apologize for having difficult emotions. It sounds like you are going through a lot, so it is perfectly reasonable for you to feel the way you do. Just please take care of yourself and seek help when you need it!
Hi Starrlight, as many others have said here, no need to apologize nor feel ashamed, I figured you were just venting and were having a bad day or two.
I'm glad you are doing better and your radiance and compassion comes through in all of your posts. Please be as kind and loving to yourself as you are to us on this site.
Apart from us, do you have any help with your Mom? Is there any Alzheimer's organisation that could send someone to sit with her while you get a break at all?
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MY OWN ANXIETY WISHES TO EXPRESS AN APOLOGY
Overthinking & Apologizing for Everything 
Please allow me to introduce you to my twisted psychology, and apologize in advance for it.
I don’t know what I want anymore 
