does anyone else struggle with figuring out who is to blame for a conflict? I had a conflict with a peer and I feel like I was reacting to how they treat me. But I’m afraid I’m going to be blamed. Like I should have not been snappy with them. But I wouldn’t have been snappy if they treated me with respect so who is to blame? But maybe the blame doesn’t really matter. Though it seems to matter a lot to me. I don’t know what that says about me… I feel like the victim? I struggle with accountability? Deflection? Defensiveness? Something else? How do I move on and let it go when it’s eating away at me and consuming all my thoughts and energy worrying about how others will perceive and judge me for it and feeling angry that no one is standing up for me and the peer is going to get away with their behavior but I’m going to look bad?
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NovemberBlue
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16 Replies
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Hello you need to not foccus on your feelings are they really worth it the anguish there causing you, we all get bit snappy at times, I'm sure, tiredness low blood sugar, if this is a ongoing problem you can get anger management if someone upsets me i tend to walk.away from the situation as i dont like discord, whats done is done and yiu need to try and let it go, sometimes people can be difficult and think there right when not, there not worth bothering with, some only see things in black n white, anyone worth bothering with see your side too, unless you give more details I can't say who was right or wrong 😊
Also I like this saying, them that matter won't mind and them that mind don't matter
Growing a thicker skin I'm.learning to that at last 😍I think my illness coming back has changed me a lot I have stay calm and not let people ruffle my feathers I'm sure stress and getting upset was a contribution never again will I let that happen I'll stay healthy foccused 💛💖were settled with TV now been scrubbing the electric hob the glass has indent burnt on it,from previous owners it won't shift I'm getting rid when get round to getting new work top I use my air fryer and microwave all the time I'll get a free standing 2 plate hob or a one plate if possible I don't fry often only eggs or sometimes needs to boil veg 😸
Hi twinkly. Have you tried dishwash powder? It's strong stuff and gets rid of a load of gunk. Used on my daughter's ceramic sink the other day to get rid of muck they couldn't.
I no longer have a dish wash but you can get the powder anywhere. Make it into a paste with a drop of water and smear on, leave half an hour or so then wipe/wash off.
Hi thanks I used jiff and even a knife lol I think it's 5o years worth 🤩I'll be getting rid this summer will give me incentive to get rid and get my new worktop I'm just watching Emmerdale 😍
haha Aggie and Kim? No I don't think they'd use such strong stuff. Good on the stainless steel hob, the glass insides of the oven, cleaning mugs/bowls etc.
Hi thanks for responding to my post. I don’t think I can tolerate any sort of mediation. The problem started a year ago because of the peer being a jerk to me and I tried to just excuse their behavior and remain friendly but the jerk behaviors kept happening so eventually I stopped really engaging with them but now my frustration is so pent up that I am more reactive than I want to be. I don’t know what to do but I think the idea of talking it out sailed many months ago. Any other ideas?
Hi again, I'm sorry to read this stressful situation for you has been going on for a year. That's a long time.
Do you have anyone to talk this over with eg a friend or therapist? This might help you get some perspective on the situation. My first impression is that you did the right thing by disengaging from this peer's disrespectful behaviour. You gave them a chance and remained friendly but they repeated it. Then you snapped. Perhaps this is what was needed to stop their behaviour if they crossed your boundaries.
I hope I have understood your post correctly but to me it sounds like you took a stance to protect yourself and blame doesn't really come into it. I hope you'll feel at peace with this in time.
Is it really necessary to find someone to blame? I think that it makes more sense to think of this as a problem that needs to be resolved rather than just blaming someone. If there has been inappropriate behavior on your part, you can learn from that and apologize to the person who you think you offended. All people have problems and make mistakes. The only bad mistake is one you do not learn from.
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