does anyone else struggle with figuring out who is to blame for a conflict? I had a conflict with a peer and I feel like I was reacting to how they treat me. But I’m afraid I’m going to be blamed. Like I should have not been snappy with them. But I wouldn’t have been snappy if they treated me with respect so who is to blame? But maybe the blame doesn’t really matter. Though it seems to matter a lot to me. I don’t know what that says about me… I feel like the victim? I struggle with accountability? Deflection? Defensiveness? Something else? How do I move on and let it go when it’s eating away at me and consuming all my thoughts and energy worrying about how others will perceive and judge me for it and feeling angry that no one is standing up for me and the peer is going to get away with their behavior but I’m going to look bad?
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NovemberBlue
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Hi thanks for responding to my post. I don’t think I can tolerate any sort of mediation. The problem started a year ago because of the peer being a jerk to me and I tried to just excuse their behavior and remain friendly but the jerk behaviors kept happening so eventually I stopped really engaging with them but now my frustration is so pent up that I am more reactive than I want to be. I don’t know what to do but I think the idea of talking it out sailed many months ago. Any other ideas?
Hi again, I'm sorry to read this stressful situation for you has been going on for a year. That's a long time.
Do you have anyone to talk this over with eg a friend or therapist? This might help you get some perspective on the situation. My first impression is that you did the right thing by disengaging from this peer's disrespectful behaviour. You gave them a chance and remained friendly but they repeated it. Then you snapped. Perhaps this is what was needed to stop their behaviour if they crossed your boundaries.
I hope I have understood your post correctly but to me it sounds like you took a stance to protect yourself and blame doesn't really come into it. I hope you'll feel at peace with this in time.
It's hard to say without more detail but we all have that difficult peer in our lives. We do have to learn to coexist
If there's no way to talk it out and clear the air in the past then you have to let that go I think. Don't add more stress to your plate.
Moving forward keep discussions short and on point.
Best of luck with this
🐬
Is it really necessary to find someone to blame? I think that it makes more sense to think of this as a problem that needs to be resolved rather than just blaming someone. If there has been inappropriate behavior on your part, you can learn from that and apologize to the person who you think you offended. All people have problems and make mistakes. The only bad mistake is one you do not learn from.
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