feeling so broken

[dancer1967]

i need support on my depression and feeling worthless. I know that I am hard on myself but i struggle at feeling like i matter. I struggle with people not reaching out to me to help and when I reach out to people i feel like people feel like i am just a problem. I have been trying for years of counseling but this depression has led me to constant trouble with weight gain and overspending and working so know one is around

[SSMA]

Dear dancer1967, I am sorry that you feel this way. I am myself that person and going through the same, work and spend. But I feel we can come out of it. We are aware of our issue and we can now move ahead. Yesterday I was thrashing on the floor. Today I feel better to reply to you. Today morning I was shivering at work and crying. Together we can. Please understand that you are not worthless. I am sure none of us are. We can together get over it. Struggling for years can be tiring, but we cannot give up.

[dancer1967 in reply to SSMA]

I have this issue since i got married. I never used to be a spender but I felt so alone in my marriage so i spent money and i have tried so many times to get out of debt but now i feel like i am a walking zombie in life. It is not what i wanted for myself but i dont know or should say i am scrared to make the change. I have lost the trust to love a man because I have been hurt so much by others and yet i see the passion on tv and that is what i thrive to have. I know if is not real on tv but i just hate being hurt and feel that i dont know how to go forward to trust again. I am broken for anyone right now and struggle to see the end of the tunnel

[All_alone in reply to dancer1967]

Hi Dancer! You are worthy, please know that. Your worth does not come from others but inside you. Trust is a very big issue for me especially in the last two years. In my life, there seems to be too many people with their own motives. I have also encountered the same. I reach out and I get judged, told what to do, etc. I am in a situation I'd never thought I would be in, but here I am. I have a plan in place to get out but I know it will take time. Any change is hard and even more so if its regarding a major life transition. As scary as change is if your not happy you deserve happiness. Think about what is important to you (you are first and foremost) . Write them down with some pros and cons. I've done that and then I discuss some things with one person in my life that is unbiased and does not judge. This has helped me quite a bit. I wish you the best in your journey but you can do it even on the darkest of days. You have support on here from people who do understand. YOU are important!!! Hugs!!

[dancer1967 in reply to All_alone]

thank you all alone!!! Hugs to you! This is such a battle and sometimes i feel so defeated. I just need to take some time for me and not feel like a failure in doing so. I need to keep trying to figure out. I pray every day for strength and for something to just get better. All i can do is try and keep in touch with all of you.

[dancer1967 in reply to dancer1967]

Is there anything that you do to try to help...Some days I am so tired that I can go anymore but then I feel like i spend more to feed my need

[All_alone in reply to dancer1967]

Oh there are days I feel like an utter failure, but I know I'm not. I'm so exhausted, depressed, constant anxiety that it has taken its toll on me. But when I look back over the last two years I have accomplished some major things and continue to do what others could not have done. I was/am a strong independent person that is at my wits end. Yes there are days I do nothing because I have no strength either physically or mentally. I just stay in the house and I have also ignored calls and the door bell. I used to feel guilty about it but no more. I only have so much energy so now i choose how, when and who to use it on/with because I cant do it all. Taking time 4 urself is extremely important and do not feel like a failure for doing so. Journaling, playing with my dogs. Maybe watching a movie, posting on this forum helps me. also I will think about the future and the plans I have for me!! Do you have a favorite thing or place you really enjoy?

[dancer1967 in reply to All_alone]

I have enjoyed dance but with my schedule being so busy i dread going because it has become a job a necessity instead of being my passion. it is long nights of doing choreography which takes its toll. I would love to cut back but i love all my classes and my kids. The studio is struggling and desperately relies on me but i know i need to take care of myself. I am trying to peel off classes one at a time but i need to scale back to take care of myself because i am getting lost, bitter and cranky at life. I have a negative feeling toward people because it seems as they are true and only listen when they have something they need said and when they do they dont want to hear my story. same with men....i see that they are not willing to commit and tell a bunch of fictitious stories to start something and then when it is not what they want or dont want to commit anymore they break it off with little to no or stupid reason or blame you for it and you know it wasnt your fault.

[All_alone in reply to dancer1967]

Dance and choreography sounds wonderful. But when a passion becomes a job or no longer enjoyable we do need to look at things in our life. I used to enjoy sewing and taking pictures and writing on the backs of the pics with names. Dates, etc. No more..... 😥 and geez, don't even get me started on men. Ugh!!! I did take a short trip yesterday for an appt and then I did something I really used to enjoy and have not taken time for it over the last two years. At first I felt slightly uncomfortable and it slowly came back to me and I really enjoyed myself and another woman came to me later and invited me to a womens group that meets 2x month. I plan on giving it a try. Gets me away from my situation for a short while , I get to meet new like minded women and do something with others that I enjoy. I just hope I have the energy to go.

[dancer1967 in reply to All_alone]

I wish I could find a womens group to hang out but i think the ones we would have would be upper snooty women. I want to find a group of nice middle class ladies that have similar struggles like me

[All_alone in reply to dancer1967]

I would not want the upper snooty group either. I probably would not go over well in that setting at this point in time or any time for that matter. Haha. This group should be middle class down to earth ladies were they all share the same interest. I'm very tired today from the drive yesterday. The mtg I was invited to starts at 6pm. I might be lucky to get home by 10pm. That's a long day for me but I want to go.

[dancer1967 in reply to All_alone]

I hope your meeting went well and you made it home and got some rest!!! Take care of you

[meredithr]

Don’t give up. You are not alone. Day by day or minute by minute you can get through

[Hidden]

Hey I think your not worthless,I truly believe all life is precious. We have these personal demons in us that try everyday to break us. We cry,we hurt and feel lonely. But I truly believe you matter. And I'm always here for anyone who needs to talk, I maybe may not always have the best advice or I can sound corny at times. But I don't judge. And if I don't reply right away im not logged on or busy with something but I always get back too. Anyway God bless.

[dancer1967 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you !!! I will not judge anyone either. It is so nice to have people to talk to that go through similar things. I appreciate reaching out and I look forward to visiting with you more

[Hidden in reply to dancer1967]

Of course anytime! I'm always here.

[pink318]

Hello,

I’m very sorry that you feel this way. I pray that no matter how difficult it is, you will not give up. My sister is also going through depression and I can feel her pain and sadness. The Bible says that mourning may last for the night but joy comes in the morning. I’m looking forward to seeing my sister’s old self- jolly and full of energy. I’m praying for my sister that she will remain strong knowing that this sadness is temporary. That’s the same prayer I have for you. Don’t give up. Keep sharing and we will listen.

I want you to know that you are not worthless. All of us are created with a purpose and to make a difference in someone’s life. I used to have issues of self-esteem. I cannot see my purpose but through prayers and listening to sermons, it helps me to overcome my insecurity. I also joined a life group in my church and it helps me to feel encouraged whenever we learn about God’s love. I hope you can also find a life group that you can meet in person. Try to connect with your local church. God bless you and take care of yourself.

[dancer1967]

I think besides struggling with the Depression is that I feel also better and distant with people. I have a hard time people that take it damage of certain systems ones that offer people medical or free money and they take advantage of it and then yet they try to take advantage of you. I work a lot because I have a goal in mind of what I want to do and get out of bed yet it is so frustrating to watch the people that take it bandage of our systems. I find that I'm becoming increasingly angry With people around me because I know how hard I work and sometimes I just want a break for things to go my way and yet the people that cheater system seemed to get handed almost everything and don't have to work for a. I have become very bitter about relationships. That relationships don't really exist and that there isn't truly decent men or 4 of the matter of men women out there. People don't want to commit to a relationship and people don't want to are card if they don't see what they like they immediately run instead of trying to find out if there is more about that person there is to love I may be looked the other way on the not so fun stuff. Part of my heart would love to find someone to share with spend the rest of my life with but from my last relationship that really crushed me hurt me and broke my heart to the point where I'm not sure that I could ever let those walls down again or let my heart feel like that again Would love to hear from some of you I want to do