No longer Grieving

[cycli]

It wasn't so long ago that I was told that this was my condition after diagnosis of this disease. I had never considered myself in this way in 70 years . Of course I have like most people experienced distress in life and loss of loved ones and that has upset me and often left me missing something inside. There is a distinct difference this time round in that in every other circumstance when the loss occurred I was well and in control of my life. I could seek solace or distraction by burying myself in work or pass times or passions. With PMR/GCA that was stripped away and I had no control at all. This was a first and it still staggers me at how completely it has affected the way I now look at everything I do and did. I have come to see this as an opportunity to rethink and reboot what to focus on and how I approach my recovery. I have not been able to do the thing I spent most of my free time pursuing, that being cycling. Oh I can do some but at such a pitiful level that it is better to concentrate on rehab. of my physical state and adjustment to my present condition.

It actually brought tears to my eyes when I read that I was grieving for the loss of my old life. It hit home deeply and I am sure is the same for many of you.

Well that fortunately is no longer the case. I am not depressed or cowed. I feel good and the prednisolone has done its work, so far. I am now concentrating on getting back as much of my old fitness as possible. It will take time and hard work and maybe some "good" pain, but will be well worth it. Whether or not I will be able to contemplate cycling at the level I was used to is an unknown and not something I am concerned with at present. The depths of depression and hopelessness this disease engendered at the worst phase of the experience is something that can not be fully appreciated by anyone who has never been there. It has however given me an insight into a condition that I would have genuinely said that I could never experience. A truly HUMBLING disease and in a way a blessing. I have been given an opportunity to rethink my life and physically forced by my own body to do so. It is a sort of epiphany without the religious content. Not many people get that chance to rebuild themselves back better. Onward and upward.

[Agora1]

"Onward and Upward" love that saying cycli... Each day is a blessing xx

[cycli in reply to Agora1]

truly. Always looking forward, never back . Agora1 Good name choice.The agora was a central public space in ancient Greek city-states. It is the best representation of a city-state's response to accommodate the social and political order of the polis. The literal meaning of the word "agora" is "gathering place" or "assembly". The agora was the center of the athletic, artistic, business, social, spiritual and political life in the city. The Ancient Agora of Athens is the best-known example. Have you been there. Wonderful experience and well worth the trip.

[Agora1 in reply to cycli]

Hi cycli, unfortunately, I have never been to Greece but would like to.The closest I've come to the Greek culture is enjoying their cookies *yum

I do enjoy Greek cuisine as well.

As for my name Agora1, I choose that after spending 5 years in my home due

to Agoraphobia. It seemed so appropriate.

Thank you for your reply. I'm assuming you have been or live in Greece.

My best to you xx

[cycli in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora1. My wife and I spent 2 weeks touring the entire southern peloponese from Athens through Sparta, Kalamata and up across the gorge to Delphi returning to Athens. Wonderful and ably assisted by the trusty blue guide travelers book. So fear of open spaces, so sorry. Still so? I hope not now. I live in England. Have a good day.

[Agora1 in reply to cycli]

cycli, your trip sounded amazing. Something you will always remember I'm sure.

No I no longer have Agoraphobia and my Anxiety is under control.

I never gave up the belief, in all the many years I suffered, that I would

some day get my life back.

I did and I am now here to pass my success forward to others struggling each day.

Life is Good xx