Grieving

[SKR2023]

I have lost my wife due to my stupidity. This is my second divorce, but I feel like this is my first one. The love I have for her is immense and I have struggled to find a way forward. This week in particular has been the most difficult for me due to helping her pack and get her ready to move out of our place. I have been a wreck, thinking about all the things I have done and wish I didn't do to lead us to this place. I have always gotten in my own way when it came to happiness and some say that it could be because of my chaotic upbringing, however, I by now should have known better. I have been trying my best to try to win her over and I was told today "you will never change, I believe that you think you will, but I don't think you ever will. I cannot stay and you cannot repair us." All I want to do is crawl into a hole and die, though I deserve the pain I am feeling, all I want to do is hold her and show her I am different. I am broken beyond belief and losing the one woman who believed in me, has me in a spiral that I cannot control. Some say it's just heartbreak, but I know what I lost and I know what I did to lose her. I blame myself and feel all the color in my life turning gray.

[Agora1]

SKR2023, sometimes, learning is a harder experience than we anticipated. I'm sorry

for your heartbreak and pain. Please don't keep beating yourself down. We are but

human and all make mistakes. May you get through your grieving, one day at a time.

P.S. I wanted to thank you for your service. xx

[SKR2023 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora1, I really appreciate you taking the time to say those kind words to me. It's very difficult to not want to continuously beat myself down when it seems just like yesterday I had everything a person could want in life.

I will however, take that advice (one day at a time) and apply it to my life.

Thank you for your support, I loved serving my country and would gladly do it again in a heartbeat!

[worthytobeloved]

I'm so sorry - I really feel for you.

[SKR2023 in reply to worthytobeloved]

I appreciate you.

[CLB1125]

Im sorry you are going through this. You will get to the other side of the grief, one day at a time. We are here to help you.

[SKR2023 in reply to CLB1125]

I really appreciate the kindness you all are showing me. This is only my second day on here, I am grateful to have found some people to vent to. This situation is crippling at times, grief sometimes feels never ending.

[Weatherwoman in reply to SKR2023]

Though my situation is different, I can empathize & sympathize with what you are going through. I lost my Sig. Other of 27 years through his passing away almost two years ago. I struggle everyday with his loss, but it is not as overwhelming as it was the first months of his passing. I, too, deal with Regret --while, we basically had a beautiful relationship, it could have been SO much better had I known then what I now know. Also, when he was very ill, I took care of him; but, there were times (and, too many, I must admit) when we both said hurtful things to one another, and I regret that I didn't understand him better, and the "If-Only's," the "Should have's," "could have's," "hit" me & hit me hard! My current therapist said to me, "you are only human, and human's make mistakes..." Yes, & this is true, as well, for you. However, I do understand that doesn't erase the Pain, and grief you now feel. Talk to a therapist, Vent all you want on here --We understand! Hugs & Prayers --& Yes the "One day at a time," is a gift to try!

[Stayhealthy75]

You need to give yourself time to heal. You have asked for forgiveness and asked for her to stay. That’s all you can do. Give yourself and her time. Work on you, despite whether she ever intends to forgive you or not. You can’t change how she feels or what she believes is her best direction. You can change yourself. If you are sincere in doing this, it will show to not only yourself; but those around you will take notice. It doesn’t mean she will come back, but you will be in a better place for whatever your life has in store. It’s one day at a time, one step at a time. You will love again. Love yourself first. This means you need to be the kind of person you want in someone else. Your decisions led you here, so don’t continue to self sabotage. You have an opportunity to redefine yourself without the influence of a spouse. Take this opportunity to be the best person you can be, and let yourself heal. Pray often, especially when you feel lost. Better days are ahead. May God’s peace be with you today, tomorrow, and always.

[SKR2023 in reply to Stayhealthy75]

😞Thank you, these are the words that really pull at my heart. I will pray, often and apply myself into bettering who I am as a person overall. I really appreciate this, thank you.

[catsrock]

I'm so sorry. My upbringing has caused me a lot of trouble in relationships too. But you are not broken. You need time to grieve and heal. I'm wondering if you've ever done inner child work - that really helped me, but everybody is different.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I don't believe that you cannot change. People can change if they are willing to. Those who are ready to face what they fear, can change.

I believe in you that you can change. But it starts within you. You have to make the call about going into therapy and working out that childhood trauma. I have cPTSD because of my chaotic upbringing. And yes, it takes time and patience to unlearn every unhealthy coping and processing emotions and dealing with problems. Yes, it's going to be a pain in the ass because of that learning curve. But once you'll understand how things are connected. From our beginnings to now. You'll be able to build better, healthier relationships not just romantic relationships but relationships in general. Better connection with better communication.

But first you do have to grieve the loss of this relationship. For that I'm sorry. It's going to take time. Grief comes in waves.

Don't worry we'll always be here. We're happy to support you during your most painful time.

Wishing you healing and love 🫂 ❤️