Grieving Depression

[mysticfawn]

At 92 year old my mom died this morning. Even with so many siblings to share this loss with, why do I feel so alone in my grief?

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I find grief to be a lonely business. There are no words or actions that anyone can say or do to take away the pain of the loss. But I let them try, because they mean well. And I find that just having someone stand next to me is the best help. It’s also what I can do for the other grieving people. We can cry together.

[mysticfawn in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I agree LilyAnne, sometimes all a person needs is a hug and silent understanding. We have 5 new-ish baby bunnies and they have been such a comfort in my sadness. I can tell them anything without judgement. Breathe in their soft fur and hold them when I'm crying. They just may be my saving grace through this. ---Fawn.

[Hidden in reply to mysticfawn]

Awww baby bunnies! Good medicine💜

[wordgirl10]

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. My mom is 91 and not in great health and I greatly fear the day when I lose her. I lost my dad when he was 60 and I know that my sister, my brother, and I experienced grief individually. I think that even though we may share love for a person with our siblings, we each suffer a personal loss. You lost YOUR mom and that’s personal. It’s good to have others around who loved the same person as much as you did. You will be able to share many things that help, including good things and funny things and things that make you cry and other things that make you smile. But your loss is still yours. You’re not alone, it just feels that way. So sorry.

[mysticfawn in reply to wordgirl10]

Thank you Wordgirl. My mom wasn't a very happy person but in her own way she did love us all and told us daily. Im happy for that. And I do have some fond memories that I will hold dearly in my heart forever. Thank you for being there for me to remind me of that. --- Fawn.

[kenster1]

hi really sorry to hear of your loss I think no matter how many people we have around us we will feel alone in our thoughts hopefully you and your family can be together and support each other.we have a forum here called bereavement care and share its a smallish community but very understanding and supportive.it could be of added support to you and even your family.god bless and take care.

[Want2BHappy3]

Sorry for your loss🙏. My mom's going to be 90 in 3 week's. I'm waiting for that phone call, she has I guess what you'd call stage 4 dementia, she doesn't know who we are. She's weak and just lays down. We're planning a Big Family BIRTHDAY PARTY, possibly her last One? Her twin sister died about 4 months ago, we never told her what would it accomplish? I have 8 siblings, you probably feel lonely because each of you, like my siblings had a different relationship with our mom and we greive in our own way. Do what you need to do, for me it took 17 years to visit my dad's grave. My siblings are grieving their way. And don't let anybody tell you Time heals all Wounds. Take care

[mysticfawn in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Thanks for your support, Want2Happy3. It's hard to remember the fact that everyone is different. Because I'm a total wreck and my siblings aren't doesn't mean they aren't grieving too. It's just different. Yes, I believe time will make a difference. Time just seems to be going slow right now. 😢

[Simpsons]

I’m so sorry for your loss. My mum died in 2014 age 94. She was the rock in our family and I totally adored her. I too have siblings but I don’t believe there is anything or anyone that gives you the unconditional love that your mother does. My mum supported me through my depression, anxiety and alcoholism without any kind of judgement or criticism. I felt really blessed that in the last four years of her life when she needed it I was able to take care of her. I had stopped drinking and my depression was in remission. The lose of your mum is a very personal feeling. Sending you a BIG hug and my heart goes out to you. I totally understand what you are going through 🌺x

[mysticfawn in reply to Simpsons]

Thank you Simpson, your understanding and kind words are touching. Im so glad you were able to be there for your Mum, as she was there for you. Parents have a place in our hearts as no one else. My mom wad a good listener too. --- Fawn.

[Simpsons in reply to mysticfawn]

Hi Fawn. One thing I found at such a difficult time that you are going through. Your mum might not be with you in her bodily form but spiritually she still is. Am amazing thing happened to me after my mother’s death. I went to pick up her ashes from the undertakers, couldn’t bare the thought of her being there. As you can imagine it wasn’t easy. I got into my car and put her on the seat beside me. As I drove off I was in floods of tears, so I decided to go for a drive along country lanes we used to go for walks. All of a sudden I started to laugh. I remember one of the thing my mother said a few month before she died was “Its important to always have a good laugh”. I really felt she was there sitting beside me and i’m Sure your mum is with you now. 🌺xx Take care my friend, we are all here for you!

[mysticfawn in reply to Simpsons]

That is wonderful. It actually made me laugh as I reread your post. I can imagine my mom laughing as we talked and built puzzles or watched a movie together. Thank you for those thoughts. They are greatly appreciated. ♡♡♡

[Agora1]

mysticfawn, my deepest sympathy goes out to you. I'm truly sorry.

Grieving is a personal reflection of the bond we shared with that person.

Just as we all grieve in our own way and our own time, anytime there is

a death of a parent it can effect us differently then our siblings. Making us

feel alone in our time of loss. Reaching out to your siblings may help with

the loneliness you feel. Keeping you in my thoughts during this difficult time. xx

[mysticfawn in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora for your kind words. Not being able to hear her voice one more time is the hardest part. I know in my heart it will get better with time. It's going to be hard to attend church this week without her. --- Fawn.

[Arniestal]

When I lost my mum 32months ago, even though I have 6 siblings I felt very alone. They have all got back to "normal" whereas I have depression with the grief. I think they look at me and don't really know what to say. It's just how it is, we don't all go through grief the same. It depends on the relationship you had.

There have been times when I have thought with 6 siblings I would have hoped one would have been more help. But you could have 60 at the end of the day grief is yours alone. Best wishes to you x

[mysticfawn in reply to Arniestal]

That's exactly how I feel. Of us eight kids, it seems im taking it hardest. Well, me and one sister. She's the oldest and I'm the youngest. Makes me wonder if birth order is a factor. Thank you for helping me feel as if my grief is normal. You're right, everyone grooves in there own way. Bless you---Fawn.

[Cmarie12]

Dear mysticfawn,

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my mom at 79 two years ago. Grieving is many different stages. Just be kind to yourself and don't over do it, you'll need to rest and of course cry.

I was with my mom for her last 10 months of her life. Her wish was to die at home, so my sister and I made it happen. Though it was difficult, I also feel blessed that I was able to care for her. Our relationship was a difficult one but when she finally passed I felt that all past negativity was completely gone. She knew I loved her and was lucky to have those memories. It did take a while to adjust to a different way of living without mom in it. Now I'm able to share stories about mom and laugh as she was very funny and I miss those belly laughs. I choose to believe she's still with me. I find a comfort in that.

I would suggest if your grief is so bad that it's affecting your ability to adjust, find a grief counselor to help with managing the different stages.

Again, my sincerest condolences for your loss.

Hugs,

Marie

[mysticfawn in reply to Cmarie12]

Thank you Marie. Your words are a comfort to me. Thanks for your kindness. --- Fawn.

[pink318]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.

There are no words to describe the pain of losing someone. Cry when you need to.

I pray for you and for your whole family that you will have peace as you grieve over the loss of your Mom. My Mom passed away 6 years ago and I still cry whenever I miss her. If you have a friend or family that you can talk to whenever you want someone to cry with you, it will be helpful. When I was grieving, I had my sisters with me and we cry together.

We are here for you, so please keep us posted. You are not alone in this journey God bless.

[mysticfawn]

Oh Pink, I really needed your post. Thank you. I feel who am orphan must feel. I have no parents now. My dad passed away in 2005 and he was my best friend. My mom and I became very close over the past 5 years so it's breaking me to let her go. The hardest part is never being able to hear tell me she loves me ever again. Thank you for your kindness. --- Fawn.

[batmasterson]

grief is a very individual thing. we all grieve in are own way, that makes it hard to relate sometimes but also leaves room for accepting and giving support. we don't have stomp down our own grief to be able to help others or tolerate well meaning off base comments from others. grief lasts as long as it lasts, no time limits different for everyone, it may be good news to know that grief gets weaker over time with only occasional bursts or flare-ups triggered by who knows what. then one day it is just not there. no big 'whoopee' relief just a quiet sigh. you might even miss it somewhat as a honorarium to the person but they are separate. the love and respect goes on the pain does not. we are individuals, feel the pain as we will, need to to deal with the greater pain of loss. grief as much as it hurts is moderating the greater pain of loss and loss of control. we need grief to keep that from destroying us. It acts as a buffer for the extremely intense emotions. we will heal but never forget them.

[Hidden]

Sorry for your pain, very difficult to lose our mothers. Mine died at age 97. We anticipated her death, prepared for it and when it happened, I was relieved as I knew she was ready to leave. It hit me harder a year or two afterwards I think. Death is so final. And our moms( most) hold a special place in our hearts. Im also sad as it reminds me Im 66 and my time is getting closer. But never being able to see our moms again is tough. Our neighbor has cattle. I can tell when they are weaning the calves away from their moms as they physically separate them in different pastures. Its sad as I can hear them calling for each other. Life is not easy

[mysticfawn]

Thank you everyone for your kind words of sympathy for the passing of my mom. Thank you.