In laws

[isin13955]

If a wife declares war on her husbands elderly mother do you think she really understands the potential consequences of her actions?

[Tara52]

Is it your wife? Did she give a reason?

[isin13955 in reply to Tara52]

Oh she always gives reasos but my mum is 87, unable to leave her accomodation and .has mild dementia

[Daesin]

Not a simple question, way too many variables that we do not know.

I'm going to say in general, in my culture as a southern woman in the USA you suck it up and deal with that Harpy with a smile on your face till she's dead. The man should always stick up for his momma. I expect my sons to always have my back.

He has to be observant enough to know that Mom and wife are not clicking. It is his job, his duty to try to make the peace. It's a hard spot for him to be in. Yes, I absolutely think that's a horrible place to be.

Now my reactions are not going to work in a heavy patriarchal family or culture.....those backassward places where women are considered secondary citizens and are supposed to be submissive.

I think basically it boils down to if the wife wants a happy marriage. If she doesn't care about the marriage, well go nuclear. She has to understand that it's not going to end well attacking his momma.

Tell us more we may be able to give you better advice.

[isin13955 in reply to Daesin]

It's complicated, wife displays strong narcissist behavior, everything has to be about her. Ok I know where it comes from and she does also. She doesn't accept any form of mental illness, puts it all down to fake attention seeking. She alienates everyone in her life and mine. As a result she has nobody and nowhere to turn to and neither do I. Any family that remains knows us both and on the few occasions we meet she is as nice as pie!

[Daesin in reply to isin13955]

It doesn’t sound like you’re happy. Do you want to stay unhappy for the rest of your life? or will you make changes to improve your life?

To be very pointed, It’s not about her. It’s about the way you will respond to how she interacts negatively with your friends, your coworkers, your family. She sounds extremely miserable.

This is The time to ask …what are you going to do?

Best of luck to you.

[isin13955 in reply to Daesin]

I don't want to be unhappy and I don't want my wife to be unhappy either. I've spoken to my doctor and am in the process of changing my meds to see if that will help me cope better. I don't think my wife can change, it's really just about how I can change in a way that I can deal with it.

[Daesin in reply to isin13955]

You cannot change her. You can only change you. It’s a hard place to be. Good luck

[Midori]

Been looking at your other posts, and it appears you are between a rock and a hard place.

I would suggest you tell your wife it isn't working, and you are thinking of divorce, and see what happens.

I doubt very much she will suicide, if she can verbally attack your mother, and you have made it clear from your other posts that after all this time your marriage is one of convenience, so what is holding you back?

As your mum is now in sheltered housing, I can see no reason for your wife's action, unless she is jealous of you going to see your mother, and in consequence,is gaslighting you.

Can you afford divorce? It is likely to cost you in money, but how about peace of mind?

Are there any adult children?

You appear to be making yourself ill over worrying about the problem, how important is your mental health to you?

I think you need to talk with your mother, and any Church you may be a member of to get some advice.

Cheers, Midori