Daughter in crisis

Our daughter has been battling anxiety and depression ever since her teen years. She has been receiving some treatment in the way of medication from our family doctor and at one time did go through some MHMR evaluation and treatment.

We are very worried about her because she has made comments about her life being worthless and becoming tired and emotionally bankrupt.

We feel so helpless and are fearful for her life.

It is as if her life's force, her spirit, has been attacked by a malicious virus. Comparing her current situation to a computer that has been infected and shutdown to the point to where it only slows a blank screen. It seems that no matter what input we try there is no response. Any and all attempts at our support are rejected.

She doesn't have a job with insurance benefits, so she says she cannot seek out skilled counseling. They want insured patients, not self-pay.

She is an adult and adamant about maintaining her autonomy. Which is very understandable and commendable.

We love her so much and are scared for her life. We are feeling helpless and nauseated because we hear her desperation but don't know what to do.

15 Replies

  • Hi, im sorry you're going through this. I'm glad that she has such a supportive family and I commend you for coming on here to seek help. The insurance situation is tough because it sounds like she definitely could use some counseling. I don't know which country you're in but could you try Googling some mental health organizations in your area or calling a local helpline for some possible resources? Many have free or sliding scale counseling available. Perhaps you could convince her to join this site and at least maybe talk with some others about her particular issues? She might find something that resonates and give her some relief in the meantime. Again, your support is so valuable and I'm really glad that she has you.

  • Thanks for your thoughtful response kinikia95, it is a hard place to be for all involved, those trapped in the bubble of depression and those trying desperately to reach in from the outside.

    We are trying to connect with a local support group, the closest I believe is in Fort Worth, Texas.

    Our daughter has tried some counseling, but her depression appears to be coming beyond just cyclic thought behaviors and patterns. She has physical symptoms which have also followed her for over 15 yrs. the cause of which has never been definitively diagnosed and only marginally abated by meds along with some diet restrictions.

    A lot of tests have been run that we're designed to detect the most common imbalances and diseases that display her symptoms, but none were positive.

    So her pain is both physical and mental, which no doubt feed into one another.

    We really are praying for a breakthrough for her, something that is the key to breaking the cycle of pain.

  • Good for you! Sounds like you might be in a smaller town? Often times looking for the County Community Mental Health organization helps. I'm assuming she's older than 26 so she can't get on your Obamacare . Depression often manifests itself in physical symptoms. Since you mention prayer I am definitely putting in prayers for you and I will remember you in them every day.

  • I am truly thankful for your prayers and helpful advice. She is exactly as you guessed, too old for my insurance as a dependent. Insurance would help open some doors and I fully believe prayers can too.

    I suffered with a physical disability over most of my 30s and, as a result of much prayer and my surrendered spirit, I was lead by grace to the one therapist who was able to correctly diagnose my problem and successfully broke my cycle of pain. In three months, without drugs or surgery my pain was a mere memory. After being told for a decade that my problem was genetic or this disease or that disorder, that I would have to 'learn how to cope' and 'deal with it', being given mind and body numbing drugs that (had I taken them) left me unable to work, I consider my current state of health a miracle.

    I wish our daughter shared our faith, but she has yet, as an adult, to express or demonstrate such a belief. Still, together we shall lift her up in ours!

  • I suggest a therapist who specializes in Anxiety . I do Yoga and that helps me manage my anxiety and so does meditation . Go on psychology today and

    Find one in your area . I found s great one on their site . I had anxiety since I was a teenager and no one knew what was wrong ; your dUghter is very lucky she knows what is going on with her

    It can be managed

  • Hi,

    I came across this video. It hit home as my daughter also suffers with depression amd anxiety. I hope you find it of some help putting things into perspective some.

    It helped me to better understand her anxieties, fears and self burdens.



  • We had just watched that same video two days ago, shared by my sister-in-law and, as you stated, a real eye opener to us. We have heard our daughter say many of the same things and had no clue as to where it was coming from. We believe she is suffering from what has only been generally diagnosed as some form of fibromyalgia, which manifest symptoms very similar to Rheumatoid Arthritis.

    The peer group mindset described in the video surely is one of the puzzle pieces, but only secondary to whatever is causing some of her primary neurological functions to be so compromised.

    There's one scenario where a computer is running a bad program, but with intervention and repatched and reboot type process can still operate normally, being mostly 'software' related. Her condition is both the 'hardware' and 'software', physical and mental.

    She is very smart and knows a lot about her condition but is also limited in her capacity, both physical and mental, at this point, to expend energy and effort towards further testing/counseling. Our biggest challenge is getting her to reach out for help, to keep seeking for the answer to those hidden puzzle pieces.

  • Hi,

    I'm sorry about your daughter's struggles and I understand your concerns. Besides having depression and anxiety of my own, I have a son who is depressed and for whom no medicine has helped. In contrast, I'm quite functional and my depression and anxiety are under control, so my message to you is that these problems can be managed quite well. But I didn't get there without lots of help and effort.

    I'd like to add to what has been said about finding counselors that many churches have counselors who charge on a sliding scale. Church membership is not required or pushed. Your daughter definitely needs counseling and I also highly recommend she see a good psychiatrist since her treatment by the family doctor isn't all that successful. This really is a problem for a specialist in selecting the right meds that may help.

    Your analogy of her spirit being attacked by a malicious virus is a good one. It describes depression very well. I will add her to my prayers and yourselves as well.

  • Look for a private message from me.

  • An update for all who have kindly responded, today she is not doing well. Through phone conversations we know she is not eating and not taking her meds.

    I felt like I had no choice but to call a local community health center's crisis hotline. As a result they are dispatching someone to her place to perform a wellness check.

    I know this will upset her, but I refuse to stand silent while she is being consumed within. Spiritually and emotionally she has no life, now she is losing the physical battle.

  • Still no word from the intervention agent, but our daughter did call. We found out that she has not taken her meds in about 6 weeks. We tried to explain that she needs to take her meds, but she would not tell us that she will.

    She just cried and says she is all alone, just wants someone (not us) to care. Her friends have not called or stopped by in several weeks, which is understandable given this time of the year.

    I now think of her mental state as being 'offline'. She wants to be connected so bad, craving meaningful interaction, but she is no longer on the internet, without her meds she has gone offline.

    The known way for her to get online is by taking her meds, but she does not think they are the answer, because that's not what she is craving. But the things she is crying out for are only going to be available (in time) when she is back on her meds and online again.

    This is such a difficult place for her and for us. She is crying out for help, but wants it in forms which do not exist 'offline'.

  • You are great parents and are doing the right things. Have you heard from the intervention agent? We all want to help. This is not only a challenging time for her but for you as well. You all need support and as you we are here to offer what we can.

  • Since we had not heard back I called and they said there was no written record of a welfare check, but suggested I call non-emergency service of local police, which I did.

    They had already been there and left. She is smart, she told them exactly what they needed to hear in order to go away. :o(

    But, I called her in the morning and left a voicemail. She did call me back and we had a nice conversation. Later she sent me several links regarding Depression and Anxiety.

    Having watched them, and doing more research on my own, I called her back this evening. We had nearly two hours of discussion on Anxiety and Depression, productive conversation!

    At least for tonight she is doing better. I am thankful for every such minute, hour and day!

    She needs to get back on her meds, hope that is her next move.

    For now she was just pleased to share her world with me, and I will accept that invitation every time!

  • You've done all you can. I'm jealous of her and I want you to be my mommy! I'm still praying for you, I haven't forgotten.

  • Prayers are indeed being answered! Yesterday our daughter sent us videos and links to articles and threads containing descriptions from personal experiences of anxiety and depression. We watched them, and continue to do more research on our own.

    My wife spoke with her this morning, we paid her a visit this evening. Today the darkness was pierced when she opened a window into her world. Without hesitation we both crawled in.

    She is still hurting, still oppressed and has a lot of unanswered questions, fears to overcome, darkness to endure...but she will not be alone.

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