Healing ?

[Foreverbroken31]

I saw this video on tiktok a counselor talking about healing and finding out what is the deeper problem. I don't know if I was ever told I wasn't good enough or it developed on its own but all I know it has to stop. He said to heal you need to look deep with in your pain for self hate. Who or what is the reason for it. That's the thing I don't know. All I know is that my childhood ended for me at 12 or maybe even sooner. I do remember asking my parents for stuff at Walmart or any other store and being told no. I also remember that my siblings always got what they wanted. That I started hating my siblings and parents really soon in life. I mean maybe hate is to strong perhaps resented them. I had this one friend I remember I would tell her everything. I was really young but I remember the pain of being left out of being rejected something. No was like a stab in my heart. I remember crying to her, telling her why I never got anything. I remember being the age of 12 and finding out my dad had a wife and daughter before us. I remember that day I grew up. I knew I never lived in a fairy tale I also remember telling him I hate you. I remember how mad my mom was at me for screaming I hate you to my dad. I was small but I remember until this day that they are the reason I hate myself. It has crippled me into believing everything I want only my siblings are allowed to have it and I have to give it up. I know for a fact that as soon as I was able to earn my money I no longer needed a yes from them. But I still seek their approval and their love know damn well love went out that window years ago. yes I have to heal and yes they are the reason I can't move on. They are the reason why I'm a damaged human that nobody wants around that long. I didn't need to hear the words you are not enough their actions spoke louder than anything. Thanks for the pain the tears the broken pieces I have to pick up. Thanks for the friendships that never started but ended before they had to. Do I want to heal yes...do I need help in healing yes.

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Hi Redeemed30. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford a therapist or has access to one. But I am a huge believer in the healing power of a good therapist who you connect with. They don’t fix you. They do guide you on the often difficult path of healing. I’ve had a few incredible ones. If you have the opportunity, go for it!

[b1b1b1]

Well, one thing you can do is to stop seeking their approval. Begin with small things, one at a time and maybe just once a week or at intervals that you can manage. After a while it will become easier to stop seeking their approval, and you will have developed a new habit, and retrained your brain to stop the approval seeking behavior. This is almost the way you would deal with a phobia -- by gradual exposure.

[Midori]

If you can afford a professional, get one; I think you need a lot of help to untangle this ball of string.

[2L84x]

From what you tell us about your childhood, it's not hard to understand it would have caused much pain and lasting emotional damage. Maybe it's good that you know where it all came from? Remember that they were WRONG to treat you the way they did. You deserved (and still deserve) so much better.