Hello, good to be part of a community.

[Matilda35]

Hello! This is my first time on a support site. I have been reading others' posts and just from that feel a fellowship with this community who have gone through and are going through many of the problems I have been facing in my life. Thank you so much to this community, who have the courage to post about their struggles and others who just post to "listen" and be present. What a huge contribution.

I am in my mid-life and my husband of 27 years left me 4 years ago for a woman 35 years younger than him. My parents and siblings are uncaring and unsympathetic and think I should just get over it. Both parents show very little care or interest in me, they prefer my siblings. I have almost zero contact with them and when I do it causes so much anxiety and stress and depression that I am considering cutting off all contact. My one brother, who had compassion and kindness was killed in a motorcycle accident back in May. I was already really struggling and now feel like getting through each day is a monumental task. I wake up with a heavy dread, like a huge weight on my chest, and now have been unable to get to sleep at night. I already had insomnia (waking up in the middle of the night) but lately, now I am unable to get to sleep, even though I am exhausted. I have to mention the one light in my life, my teen son, who is there and is why I get up everyday. I am fighting to "fix" my life, to find a purpose, to find connection. There is so much more to say, but I'll save it for another post.

I want to end by saying thank you, again, to all the others who post here and help me to feel I am not alone, there are so many others suffering and going through what I am and it is a comfort to know I am not alone and neither are you!

[MidnightRaven]

Thank you so much for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and open up to people. In my opinion, it sounds like a good idea to cut off communication with your family. You really have to do what's best for you. I'm so glad you have your son and he keeps you going. It can be difficult when one tragic thing follows another and you just feel like you're drowning. It really comes down to your mindset and how you look at things, at least from what i've learned and experienced. I'm sorry for you loss, death is never easy to deal with especially with those you were close to. As for the ex, I don't think you should waste any of your precious time thinking of him unless it is as a co-parent. But I do hope you find peace and come out of this so much stronger and happier.

[Matilda35 in reply to MidnightRaven]

Thank you for your thoughtful response, MidnightRaven. I agree with you about my ex and deep down, know that you are probably right about my family. It feels scary to cut ties with family, even if they are toxic. My strategy has been to slowly distance myself more and more and they are doing the same, so eventually I am guessing there will be no contact.

I am working on coming out stronger, I know it's possible I am just trying to find the way.

[MidnightRaven in reply to Matilda35]

Of course I love at least trying to help people. I know how hard it can be to cut ties with family. I have had to do the same with many family members, some took longer to cut out than others but I definitely feel freer. Still anxiety about it cause my brain just wonders well what if they've changed but there hasn't been supporting evidence of that. It still feels weird but I don't feel tied down now or having to deal with any bs from them.

[Zimarra]

🙏 welcome fellow newbie

[Matilda35 in reply to Zimarra]

Thank you ❤️

[Tara52]

I am glad you reached out. I know how hard it is to try to make connections with people especially when you are so depressed. I care and hate to see people suffer because I know first hand how bad it feels (as do the people on this site do also).I also . had a narcissistic mother. Somehow how I was able to become an RN when I was much younger. I always wanted to help people. Eventually I had to go on disability after spending 7 years married to a narcissist who abused me verbally and physically. It left me very anxious, depressed and with PTSD . It has only been recently that I came to understand narcicissim. My mother passed away 8 years ago and if I understood narcissism years ago I would have cut ties with her . I too wanted a connection with a family member but the continual injury she caused me kept me sick. It is love that heals us and narcissists lack empathy and use cruel tactics to control us. I got support 4 years ago from attending CODA (codependent annonymous) meetings. However since the pandemic they haven't been meeting. There are so many good resources I have found to educate myself on YouTube. Topics on narcissism, toxic shame, codependency, meditation, relaxation and spiritual practices to name a few.For me personally cultivating a relationship with my Creator, Higher Power, Higher Consciousness( or however one feels comfortable relating to God) has helped me the most. God is love so going to the source has helped me slowly heal . I will pray you find some healing soon also. Much love to you! 💕

[Matilda35 in reply to Tara52]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. Yes, it is love that heals us. I have been drawn to a career helping people too.

[Rayblade900]

Hi Matilda35 and horrendous to hear your story. We are all going through tough times on here and it's my first being on here too. You think your life is tough until you hear other's tell their story and although clichéd... "there's always someone worse off". That motto helps me a little when I'm feeling low and your story reaffirms that. I too am at the age of "midlife crisis" but not craving for a female half my age. No doubt it will be a short lived "fling" as they won't have anything in common! I work in the motorcycle trade and empathise, but cannot imagine how you're feeling and trying to cope.

Great you ar least have your son to help you focus. Make sure you have a good friend for support too. Insomia is horrendous and have the same issue.

Stay strong and I'm sure you'll not only find compassion on here, you'll also have others that can help support you. All the best.

[Matilda35 in reply to Rayblade900]

Hello, yes there are so many compassionate people here, I'm so glad I found this site. Thank you for your reply. Yes, I do need to remind myself there are many who are worse off than me and I think that is a challenge I need to continue to work on. And yes, one of the ways I am lucky is my son! I will continue to fight against my negative thoughts and try things that help (I find going for a walk really lifts my mood for a while).

[Rayblade900 in reply to Matilda35]

Good morning Matilda35 and hope you're feeling OK today.I guess the thing I've learnt in the last couple of years is to accept that life throws us curve balls at times and although we don't perhaps like it, there's not a lot we can do if it's out of our control. I've been fighting depression for years due to events in my life, but now realised there's not a lot I can do, so try to remain as positive as I can on good days.

Think of this site as counselling without a fee 🤣

You may be able to exchange your thoughts on here and see it as a release? I talk to someone on here I've never met and we exchange messages without judgement. It can help a little. Ultimately we are all different and cope in different ways.

Here for you if you need to talk.