Toxic people and situations

[Mrspjsmom]

Just had a very unpleasant conversation with my husband. My therapist wants him to come with me to my next session. She is concerned about how he allows his family to treat me and the effect it has on me. He didn't take it well and said some very hurtful things. So I won't be going on our family vacation and he won't be going to therapy with me. He sees no problem with the way he and his family treat me at times. He wants specific answers as to what he should do. I gave him some and they made the situation worse. So perhaps it's best to keep quiet for awhile. Beware of toxic people and situations.

[Fearoffear]

Yep I found my source of anxiety too and he took it about the same. Oh well making better choices for myself and move ahead. I have decided to not speak to mine unless it is about children, bills or chores and h can't be bothered with any of that so it's nice and peacefully quiet here. Thinking about taking a solo vacation!! I'm tired of living by someone else's rules and expectations I set my own about 4 weeks ago and I'm not going back to old habits. Good luck and gentle hugs 🫂🫂

[Arniestal in reply to Fearoffear]

Ditto, my main source of depression is husband. Have explained it to him, spelt it out. All to no effect he just carries on as before. Hes taken all my motivation, interests all gone, he has none and now with depression ive become like him. Never thought it would happen.

[b1b1b1]

How exactly does his family treat you. I would just like to understand a few examples, (only if you are able to share them). I think then we could give better advice. x

[Mrspjsmom in reply to b1b1b1]

They treat me as if they are upper class and I am not. Perhaps the best example I can share is they have given me used underwear. They criticize my appearance, my home and everything I do. I'm sorry I'm trying but I am having a hard time. Will try to reply again later.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Giving you used underwear is really terrible, and so is the constant criticism. I can see why you don't want to go there.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to b1b1b1]

Thanks. I wasn't sure how to explainhow awful they can be.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

That's pretty awful and beyond the pale.

[Dolphin14]

Hi Mrs P

He's avoiding what he may own in this. Sad isn't it?

I'm so sorry he has decided not to join you. It would be so helpful to have that discussion. Maybe he thinks he's going to be attacked? Is there a way to reassure him that it's not an attack it's a discussion that will help you both?

❤️🐬

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Dolphin14]

He has gone with me at different times in the past but won't go now because he considers this my problem, not his. So for now it's best to let it go.

[Isinatra]

I, too, had a non communicative husband. I tried everything to have calm, non confrontational discussions for years. I was so miserable I had to go back to therapy and meds. Gave the relationship one last chance by lining up marriage counseling. He refused to go, even for one visit to just get the feel of it. I made the decision that any relationship that made me mentally ill wasn’t worth the paper that sealed the deal. When we split, I felt like I’d just been let out of a 10year prison sentence. I enjoy living by my own healthy rules now. We only get one go around in this life and there’s nothing wrong with spending more time being happy than miserable. I’m not advocating divorce, M. Just relaying how I handled my situation. Sending you hope you can rectify your situation in a positive way for yourself.💖

[Tara52]

Have you read any info on toxic people who have the narcissitic personality disorder? It helped me alot to understand these people and how to deal with them. They lack empathy, are never wrong and are very controlling. I was married to one once. 😩You can listen to alot of teachings on YouTube to get some insight. I wish you well.💗🙏

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Tara52]

Thank you. I have read some things but should probably head back to the library.

[Isinatra in reply to Mrspjsmom]

YouTube has awesome info on narcissism. I’d give you some links, but I haven’t figured out how to cut and paste . 😁

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Isinatra]

I will search You Tube later today. Thanks again.

[Junella]

I think most, at least half, are narcisstic by nature; that's they way history has set them up. It can be lived with by taking stands. However, the in-law problem is something else. I never met my bipolar mother-in-law because my husband knew she would ruin us. Avoidance is best. You can refuse to interact with them. I would send the underwear back wrapped up with pretty paper a bow! Pray for them at a distance.