Anger turning inward - any advice?

[heyoherewego]

Hiya! Anyone got any tips on where to start for not turning anger inward as often? I recently realized how much of a knee-jerk reaction it is that should someone get angry at me, I turn that anger I have back on me. So, any tips on what worked for you would be great. Thanks!

[-Aero-]

Coming from someone who wants his 30s to be better than his 20s, I understand self-hatred. It is too easy to find all the things wrong with yourself because you know you better than anyone else. It is why you are your worst critic. They say it only takes four seconds to talk yourself out of something, which is why they encourage you to count to three and go for it before the doubt rolls in.

You are more than your doubts, even if you do not believe that statement. You are more than your doubts. You are valued even if the only evidence is that strangers on the internet took the time to tell you they care about you. I have never met you, yet I want you to know that you matter.

You can try to focus on your positive traits, but if that does not prove sufficient then remember that you have a community of people who are willing to listen and respond should you ask or need it. No one is or should be an island of despair. You are deserving of a respond and even a quiet ear if you just need to vent your frustrations. I have spent the last decade hating myself, I wish you better than I have fared. Please do not feel alone, you have support.

[Mumma_h in reply to -Aero-]

Hi aero, I suffer from self hatred too. Your post was so encouraging and I feel a little better after reading it , I know it wasn’t for me😆but it’s nice to know someone else out there understands how it feels to constantly question yourself,doubt all decisions, blame myself for EVERYTHING. I don’t know when to stick up for myself or apologise.... I have no idea( recently had my 2 closest friends turn on me but they’re both prone to fly off the handle due to drugs and alcohol , try to help them and be compassionate because I love them so much and genuinely hold no judgment but it’s not always reciprocated ,very quick to judge me ) . Have you ever struggled with these kinds of decisions? (Deciding when to speak up and when not too)And how did you deal with it ?

[jb042711]

I would maybe just try deep breathing excersises, or something like that.

[Blueruth]

That is shame which is not the same as guilt in this context. We all feel it. The antidote is vulnerability which is exactly what you just did! Talking about it is important. You can also practice shame resilience which is how you learn to take care of yourself instead of stewing in your own anger. I know this practice well. It takes some work. Brenè brown really helped me.

[amoeba43]

I certainly haven't mastered this instinct, but have made a point to try and verbalize either what I need from someone in that moment (boundaries that have been crossed that upset me) or if i dony feel comfortable or able to do that, when I'm by myself I vocalize or write down exactly what happened and why it made me angry. Helps me acknowledge and process those feelings. I find when i do that it's important not to let myself "attack" others even in my mind. Just review what happened and explore why it was upsetting and accept that things that make me angry happen.I can also use that thinking to plan boundaries and responses for a similar issue that could arise in the future.