Anyone else feel so alone?: Let me... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Anyone else feel so alone?

ComingUpRoses profile image

Let me preface this saying I have good people around me. My SO is wonderful. They care and support me so very, very much. And I can see it and feel it. But I'm curious if there's anyone else out there that feels so alone, despite having people around? I feel so badly intellectually starved. I realize I so very, very rarely get to connect with anyone on deep levels, and I don't fully know how much it kills me until I have those rare conversations. Then I see just how much I'm missing. I can't connect with anyone based on my passions, and it leaves a huge void in my life. I'm so lonely. It adds so much to my depression. It does not help me see the positives in life. It does not help give me reasons to stay here.

I'm sorry.......I couldn't put these words anywhere else. I just didn't know what to do as it's so late where I am. I imagine tomorrow I'll regret this post and think it silly. I guess......it is what it is.....

42 Replies

I'm the same. I don't really have support either. I'm 20 and I have no friends. Not even a few people to hang out with. Sometimes when I'm super sad and depressed I look at my contacts in my phone and realize that there's not even 1 person I can text to talk to. I just want to have friends like normal people...

It gets so hard to make friends as an adult. I have one friend outside of my SO. And I've spent many, many years with no one. I wish I could help you, because I know how much it hurts to need to reach out and there isn't anyone.

I'm the same way. My husband is great and my family is amazing. But they don't understand my illnesses and perspective, and I doubt they ever will. I wish I had more friends. The stress is getting to me and I honestly can't handle it alone anymore. But if you ever need a friend, I'm here for you.

ComingUpRoses profile image
ComingUpRoses in reply to Kat_21

There is so many days it is such a huge struggle just to keep breathing and moving. My SO is very understanding, though he's said he doesn't understand it. I'm grateful for it, but it doesn't quell the loneliness. Thank you for your reply. At least we have this community to come to.

in reply to ComingUpRoses

Moths, that’s cool! What is it that you enjoy about moths?

in reply to

I can private this conversation but maybe some others will enjoy

in reply to

Sorry, I haven’t said anything about myself but this post just became interesting. Would love for others to post their likes.

in reply to ComingUpRoses

I am literally starved for intellect.

ComingUpRoses profile image
ComingUpRoses in reply to

My mother introduced me to the natural world at a very young age. My first luna moth was when I was a kid, and I was quite taken by its beauty. I raised them for the first time in high school. It hasn't been until I was in my twenties that I really got more into it. Now I rear native species I find each summer, and have taken time to try to learn scientific names and certain traits for different species for identification. I find moths more entrancing than butterflies because they get so overlooked. There's so many beautiful species, often right in our own backyards, that people don't realize are there. By all means, if you want to talk about your own passions, please do!

in reply to ComingUpRoses

Sorry , I didn’t respond sooner. I had to take my phone to apple store. I think that’s wonderful about Moths. They are great for the ecosystem as pollinators and food source. They can be just as beautiful as butterflies. They are often overlooked.

I feel the same way. It’s hard when you don’t have the same things in common with the people around you. Your life feels flat and one dimensional. I know I feel starved. What are your interests?

ComingUpRoses profile image
ComingUpRoses in reply to

It does feel very flat. Never feeling truly fulfilled. I generally am passionate about moths, and I also really enjoy older cars. What about you?

What you are describing isn't abnormal or weird at all. You articulated very well that there is something that you are missing and you crave a certain kind of conversation or connection, that the people around you cannot satisfy. That is totally okay and it's really good that you can see what the problem is because that makes it easier to address. You said you cannot connect with anyone about your passions, well what are they? If you want to talk philosophy I and many other tend to enjoy those conversations so you just have to find someone willing to engage in those deep conversation. You could also join a club or an online forum dedicated to your passion. Say you really enjoy gardening, well you could find a facebook group or something similar where you can share gardening tips and tricks and share photo's of what you are doing. If you enjoy reading, you can join a book club. There are several options to try. I want to also stress that I get this isn't always easy or practical as well so I am saying this to say that there are easy solutions per say. I am more encouraging you to take a risk and see if it pays off. There are also museums and other things you could look into. They sometimes have events or talks. At your local university they sometimes do the same. Again, I understand there could be other issues and if there are I am sorry that you are struggling with this. Just take things as they come and take a chance on you, you are worth it.

If nothing else, I leave my door open to PM me at anytime. I personally love a good philosophical discussion. It's one of my passions. And I like talking in general. So if you would like to chat I am around.

I really appreciate all of your suggestions. I'm part of several Facebook groups for my hobby/passion (moths), but it doesn't quite fill the gap. I enjoy getting to help people in them with identification requests and advice, but it isn't the same as having someone to say, take field walks with or have in person conversations. We have one small local museum that I did some volunteer work at maybe ten years ago. Didn't amount to much, but I tried. I also live in a more rural area, so it makes things a little more challenging meeting people.

Hmmm that is a tough one as I imagine there are not many who want to be around moths that much. I think your best bet is to just keep putting yourself out there. If this is something that really bothers you and that you know in your heart of hearts you cannot live without then perhaps moving is in order. I am not saying it's easy or even practical to just get up and move on a whim but if it's causing you this much pain then something has to be done. You either need to find other hobbies that fill up this part of your life or you have to find a way to make this one work. It's a hard pill to swallow but we are creatures of many interests and talents so finding other things may be more beneficial. Not saying it isn't good to have your hobby, just pointing out that if you are more bothered by the things you lack from it perhaps it's time to broaden those horizons. The last thing I can think of is you can see if your SO or perhaps even some close friends or even some members of your FB groups would be willing to get together a few times a year to go to a moth related place. I don't know of any off the top of my head but you could plan a trip that is for you so you can satisfy that itch so to speak. I know this isn't practical all the time either. So see what you can do. If you are just starved for intellectual conversation, perhaps your issue isn't even with not having anyone to talk about moths with, it may just be that you are not being challenged enough in your day to day life. When those around us are not willing or not able to engage in more intellectual endeavors that can leave us feeling empty and can even bleed over into other areas, such as your hobbies. So perhaps tr to engage in more interesting and compelling dialogue with others and see if that helps a bit. I a sorry I can't offer more assistance on this matter as I am not knowledgeable in this area but I hope I gave you some things to at least consider.

I do believe it's just feeling intellectually starved for so long that's just caused it to bleed into all areas of my life. It's very hard to find people to have such conversations with, as we all get consumed by the daily happenings of life.

I understand that. Well what kinds of conversations are you looking to have?

It is very easy to get bogged down by the day to day grind we all face. Make sure to take some time for yourself as well to rest and recuperate. Self care is very important.

At this point, almost any kind of conversation past surface stuff (i.e. 'how are you?' 'what do you want for dinner?'). Is love to talk with people on their perspectives on life, their definitions of life and related content, etc. I know, not much of an answer.I try somedays to take care of me, but I don't always understand what that entails at this point. Anymore if I survive a day, that's good enough.

Well I am here if you would like to PM me and you can ask whatever question you would like. As for finding something deeper in person, have you tried opening up to your SO about this? Or even your family? Perhaps if they better understood what you were looking for that might change things. If nothing else you could join political groups to have those kinds of discussions or a philosophical group to engage in questions on life philosophies and all that.

As for taking care of yourself, that includes but is not limited to, doing things that are just for you. So relaxing and setting up times for you to be alone and have space to decompress away form everything, work, home life, all of that. And then it involves things like getting outside for walks. Or just making a good meal for yourself. Listening to music or writing can also be forms of self care.

People who have not had to live with this don’t understand what we go through. They can often look at us as being odd. My wife of 25 years had used me as a verbal punching bag non-stop. She did the same with her mum when the mum was alive. We have to stick together and help each other and at the age of 51 I’ve spent my life with bipolar mum and aunt. We are in this together. Our brain chemistry is different and others don’t understand. Feel free to chat about this with us all. I’ve pretty good experience with living and dealing with it personally so if I can offer a word of advice without any judgement I am always there. You have friends in the same boat: this community.

Thank you for your kindness and understanding. So many don't understand.

I agree - I feel the same way. It’s just excruciating at times. Loneliness. You try things and maybe they just don’t work out or they do for awhile and then something happens to upend a new friendship or something new and good in your life goes in a different direction. Maybe it’s nobody’s fault. Just very difficult. It doesn’t help one’s self esteem one bit. Feeling pretty bad at the moment too. Just know, if it helps at all, we understand, most of us have been there too. We get it!

Have definitely tried with online groups, but never meet anyone in real life with the same interests. I've gotten to the point where I'm pretty ok being alone, but I still crave deeper connections with others.

I feel what you mean and I am going through the same as well despite being in a relationship and having friends, everything feels ‘surface’ and a deeper connection is missing. Do you initiate conversations about any of your deeper interests to friends and family? If you haven’t, perhaps you could try that. However it is easier said than done, as I have trouble voicing out what I am interested in because I fear judgement and disinterest. It’s always difficult trying to find true connections.. you are not alone in feeling this!

Thank you for your reassurance. Everyone in my life knows my interests, but I can't talk about them like I'd want to because they couldn't follow along and understand, plus it's not their interest. I can tell when I've gone too far in offering too much information with others, as you can kinda see them glaze over. So I've practiced restraining myself over the years. It hurts, but it is what is.

I feel the same. The loneliness of mental health is so tough, even when you have those dearest to you around you, it doesn't always help.

Many have given such good suggestions. I'm sorry I can't do more to help.

Sometimes I just wish I had some company... someone else with me in my flat. So I'm not left alone with my thoughts.

But somehow we pull through and if you ever just want to reach out please message! X

I had to get used to being alone, and it's become the norm. I'm pretty ok with it, but sometimes it really hits me, like a kick to the gut, that I feel starved of so much. Being alone too much can be detrimental, like you mentioned, as it leaves us alone and susceptible to our thoughts.

I am in a lonely situation too. I literally have nothing to say to anyone who does not have mental health struggles. My life has become so restricted having MDD for so long. I'm in therapy and other t han this site, online groups doesn't fulfill my need for people. I miss intelligent conversation and those with creative outlets and humorous people.. Sundays are the worst.

Hope4me1 profile image
Hope4me1 in reply to samack

I can relate to this. I find the people around me don’t understand what I need to get through my tough times. It would be helpful to have someone to really talk to. Just to help lift me up and give me some hope.

ComingUpRoses profile image
ComingUpRoses in reply to samack

I very much understand your pain. It's an awful void that lives inside of us. A puzzle with one missing piece that is lost. What do you do for yourself to make it through?

samack profile image
samack in reply to ComingUpRoses

The truth right now is nothing, Nothing is comforting me so I am in a half awake/half sleep state all the time. Its a mystery what pulls me through. I know all that I need to do to help myself; exercise, meditation..., all is a goal. I got so hopeless that I don't care anymore, but am scared of living and scared of dying. I'm in a new therapy now, and hope that it helps me out of this state. The loneliness is too much. As you say, the mind can be an enemy when you're too alone. I know with adequate support I will do much better.

ComingUpRoses profile image
ComingUpRoses in reply to samack

At this point do you feel like the only thing keeping you going is biological instinct that kinda makes us persist?I really, truly hope your new therapy helps out. It's so hard to find a good therapist, so I wish you all the best, from the bottom of my heart. 💜

samack profile image
samack in reply to ComingUpRoses

Oh yes. Its an evolutionary drive , what else can it be? Thanks for your good wishes.

So true. My few friends long distance are loving but don't understand. Its frustrating when I have nothing new to report. And they're wondering why it's taking me so long, years to recover. Do you think I know?

ComingUpRoses profile image
ComingUpRoses in reply to samack

It's very, very hard to find anyone to truly understand mental health struggles. I've never had much to report to anyone either. I've watched people get good jobs, get married, and have kids, and I've done none of those. I'm glad the people you have are loving, but I know you're also still missing the love that comes with understanding. Know I feel for you. X

Likewise.💗 thank you.

I’m big into philosophy to try and find some sort of ‘meaning’ in the absurdity of everything, I guess. Because I too find life in general to be absolutely underwhelming and unfulfilling. As others have said too, I’ve got people around but it’s all surface level and no-one seems to understand, and there’s nothing worse than that.

Just wanted to say you’re not alone. And I’d love to hear more about the things which you’re passionate about ✌🏻

Thank you. How do you make it through when you feel so underwhelmed and unsatisfied in life?

Yep same place as you. Sure I have some acquaintances I talk to but then it’s over and I’m alone at the end of the day, which is when I crave connection the most. I feel alone because I literally am

I wish I could be there and be your friend. I spent a long time alone so I understand how awful it feels.

I have no support system at all. I’m surrounded by self-centered people. So it’s very hard to have deep conversation with anyone; without them interjecting the story. My husband doesn’t understand anxiety or depression. He doesn’t care enough to try to understand. Which leaves me feeling extremely lonely. I’ve bottle things up and noticed it’s taking a toll. I started noticing weird symptoms and looked them up and I realized they were just anxiety attacks. I grew to be afraid to open up and be vulnerable because of the negative vibes I get. I just don’t feel heard. I’m also a very quiet shy type and don’t usually talk much. So when I do, I expect to just be heard. (This surprisingly actually feels good to let this out)

I'm so glad you were able to let some out here. Please continue to do so! Bottling it up is most toxic to ourselves. I'd hate to see you down any self destructive path because of it. I've never had much luck letting it out, as the problem still persists. But no one can change the way life is, so nothing can really change. Know I feel for you, and I hope you can find a good outlet for your feelings. 💜🤗

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