***Trigger warning: Do you ever wonder why people actually commit suicide

[Sky2016]

I have been sick the last few weeks. And I realized sometimes the pain and anguish is over bearing. Do I let a sickness determine what is the next step in my life. Especially when you have people around you that bully you. I used to wonder and I no longer do. I know what they felt and I feel it too. You get to a broken point and my point has been broken. I believe we all have a purpose. And I have completed that purpose. In a few months my last child graduates. At that point in my life I will choose to walk with my lord savior.

[hypercat54]

I too know what drives people to take their lives. coz I am a suicide survivor. I also know that you might think you will have fulfilled your purpose in life when your last child graduates, but you will stop all of them living happy lives.

Ok you will stop your own pain but you will just be passing it onto your children and other loved ones. Do you really want to do this? And don't kid yourself they won't have a lifelong legacy of pain if they lose their mum like this, coz they will. They will feel guilty all their lives too that they had no idea how you felt and that they should have seen it and been able to help you.

I am not saying stop your suicide - hold on to that if it is a comfort blanket (like mine), just put it off. Tell yourself every day that this won't be the day you do it and make the same promise tomorrow. Also please seek help - I know how black things can seem and you think they can never improve, well they can and I can attest to that.

Stay with us and talk to us and we will help and support you all we can. Hugs xxx

[Angry101]

I can relate to people who commit suicide, because I tried. I felt hopeless. My depression and anxiety was so bad I felt like I was wrapped up in darkness. I couldn’t yell out, I couldn’t even talk to anyone. It’s paralysis simply took over. I have a medical background so I knew exactly what to take. God had other plans for me. He gave me a miracle. The road to recovery was tough and long. I still have problems brought on by trying to commit suicide. I was on life support for 30 days. When I woke up I still had the 2 evils with me. You can try to outrun your your evils, but you can’t, but you learn to live with them. I did. May God bless you all.

[Sky2016 in reply to Angry101]

I don’t have it in me to fight anymore. I will prepare my will and a dnr. I have thought about it long enough and the pain will only last for a few. My kids will move on. My spouse can move on since I am the one in the way. I have to let go and put it in God’s hands

[JAYnLA in reply to Sky2016]

Isn't taking your life taking it OUT of God's hands? I hope your perspective shifts.

[Sky2016 in reply to JAYnLA]

There’s no more fight in me. I am done.

[JAYnLA in reply to Sky2016]

I understand. Let me know how you feel tomorrow.

[JAYnLA in reply to Sky2016]

How are you doing today, Sky?

[Hidden]

You're right. My bad. I will delete it.

[Hidden]

Please know that as a parent - just because your child graduates you have not fully served your purpose. I am pleading with you to reconsider. I am in my 30’s and have severe anxiety. My parents have been my lifeline through my battle during my adult life. If they weren’t around to help me through this, I wouldn’t be here. So please don’t assume your purpose is over once your children have graduated. Your children will need you long past graduation and you won’t be there anymore. You won’t be able to undo that decision. I am here to talk ANYTIME. Please just send me a message 💜💜💜

[Sky2016 in reply to Hidden]

Rose as I sit here at 1:53 am I should be asleep. But as I write this tears flow down my face. How much can a person actually handle.? I see him asleep snoring not caring the pain he causes me. I been with this man over 20 plus and he still thinks I cheat. I have nobody. My BFF Melanie oh how I miss her. He won’t let me speak to her. I have no email , no cell phone no house phone all I have is this iPad that he too broke. I take care of it and cherish it with all my heart. I am all alone. He blames me for our finances. He blames me for his mom not leaving him her properties. He blames me for his children from his first marriage that they don’t speak to him. He blames me for his credit. Keep in mind he got injured in 2008 and it took two years for ss to kick in. Two years of real hell like he calls it. He constantly threatens me. I’ll give example of his abuse. He actually admits he likes to instigate. That to me is like a slap in the face. So yesterday I hit low bottom. I got tired of him calling me a bitch,nigger , slut, whore. I slapped him in the face. It felt so good but at the same time bad. I know it’s coming his payback like he calls it. I just hope he takes it out on me and not my children. Wich none are his. I left an abusive marriage and got with another one. What’s wrong with me why can’t he just love me. I quit working a year ago. It was too much at work and at home. He would make my life a living hell if I was home late. If I was stuck in traffic I knew it would be hell. He left my kids at school one day because like he said there not my kids. All the 20 years have been told this is my house y’all niggers can get out. Keep in mind my grown adult children pay rent they pay to have the yard cut. Imagine telling 11,9,6 year old at the time to get out. My children would ask mom are we homeless. I can’t sleep I am afraid of his payback because he knows where to hit home. My children. I cook I clean I am always at his hand and foot. The pain is too much for me to bear. I hit my bottom point.

[Babyboomer1960 in reply to Sky2016]

It sounds like you are in an abusive marriage. Almost 30 years ago, I got out of my abusive marriage. I lived in a spouse abuse shelter and got a divorce. I never could have done it on my own, and there was so much help available to me that I didn’t even know was out there. I can’t even explain the depths of the depression I was in. I started feeling better as soon as I got out. If you have been in this for over 20 years, you have almost completely lost yourself. You are being accused of cheating, you are being isolated from people who would support you. Name calling, threats, breaking things....these are the classic signs of abuse.

My advice.....get out of there and don’t look back. As soon as you leave he will beg you to come back.....don’t go back.

It’s very likely that you can find your way back to your real self, and find a better life for yourself and your children. Please give it a try before you take the other way out.

[Hidden in reply to Sky2016]

Hi Sky - I cant sleep either. It sounds like you are in an abusive marriage and my heart literally hurts for you.

Is there any possible way you can leave this relationship? Your life and your children’s lives depend on it. Find a shelter, find a way on your own? You shouldn’t be isolated from your friends because they are the ones that can help you find a new living situation where you can truly be happy again.

The first step is looking into shelters in your area - maybe do it while he’s at work. And just try reaching out to them to learn more. Be open to the possibility of leaving your situation to find true happiness because YOU deserve to be happy!!!! 💜💜💜💜💜💜

[blueraku in reply to Sky2016]

Sky, you shouldn’t pay with your life for what this asshole does!!! Clearly he is the cause of your suffering. Get out of there please!! and be happy without him. You can do this.

[Garbagebitch]

I know why some people commits suicide because i’ve tried it too so many times .. it is because of the pain you’re feeling inside then you have no one to lean on you feel so alone and alot of bad things happening to you .. all you can feel is pain in your chest trying to think some ways how to make it go away but you’re head is so empty because your heart can’t take the pain no more and share it to your head and the rest of your body .. then suicide is the only way you know how to stop that pain ... damn i feel this all the time

[Want2BHappy3]

WOW, I had a brother who committed suicide at 19, about 40 years ago. I wondered what pushed him to kill himself? Now I know, having to deal with anxiety and depression, is so overwhelmeing that at times that I feel I can't take it ANYMORE. I was looking for a way to kill myself, looking for a gun, that's not easy to get? I finally found the right medication so I stop feeling that way. But still have anxiety and depression, but not as Bad. Now on this site a couple of people wrote that my medication is addictive? My doctor had told me she would never give me anything addictive? Im going to look into it, I'm kinda Scared?

[Missnoname in reply to Want2BHappy3]

If your medication is working, it doesn't matter if it's addictive. Life long medication is better than the alternative.

[weegmack]

My heart is hurting for you 😞. You are in the most awful, abusive marriage. He is feeding you a whole pile of lies about yourself - that you are useless, to blame for everything. He is destroying you. Think about this. You are not the person he says you are. This is classic gaslighting.

You are a wonderful mum because you have got your kids through school and kept them safe and loved them. I promise you that they will always need you in some way and to lose you would devastate them and ruin their lives.

You need to get away from this man. You can have a life worth living and a relationship with your children that will mature and grow. Do you really want to leave them? I know how desperate you feel, I have been there many times. What stops me is that I have a friend whose mother took her own life and she has never recovered from it. Her life is NOT BETTER for her mother’s suicide. You are important to your kids. You are at rock bottom and you need help. You need to get away from this man and find shelter. Please let us know how you are today ❤️

[art62grammie]

I am not usually a suicide person. I have let it enter my head a few times. As a forty year long battle with Anorexia. I know that stinks. Doctors have told me. Everyone has a thought like that at times. It is when you actually cut the rope and measure the length that we need to worry. Now, the feeling of wanting to take your life is not a very good attempt. It is by far the worst kind of death in the whole universe. By far more than any other death. The ones that we leave behind are the ones who suffer by far. I have a precious 82-year-old mother. I see her face in my mind if a suicide thought appears. It would kill her. I am 56 and with my recent recovery from 40 years of Anorexia. I am free and living my life how I choose and not how anyone else controls me to do. It took me 56 years to find myself and it is my life. I was controlled by Anorexia, my father until 18 years of age. I was married 35 years to two different men. Controlling were they? Yep! I am smart and will never allow anyone to control me again. You have a child graduating. Life is not over for you. Your purpose now is to be there to support them with kind words and wisdom. They are just beginning to live their life. You need to be there and that is your purpose as well.

[art62grammie]

NEVER TAKE YOUR LIFE. YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU. THEY MAY BE GRADUATING BUT THEIR LIFE IS ONLY BEGINNING. WHY END YOURS. IT WILL ONLY DESTROY THAT CHILD AND THEIR FUTURE FOR ANY HAPPINESS. THEIR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. I HAVE SEEN IT TOO MANY TIMES. DAY AFTER DAY THAT CHILD WILL SEE YOUR FACE AND THEIR LIFE WILL ONLY GET WORSE. PLEASE LISTEN WE ARE HERE FOR YOU AND LOVE YOU. I WOULD GET OUT OF THAT ABUSIVE MARRIAGE ASAP. I RECENTLY DIVORCED A VERY EVIL MAN AFTER 17 YEARS. I LEFT AND NO REGRETS EITHER. YOU KEEP SEARCHING FOR THAT LIGHT. I DID FOR 56 YEARS. I NOW HAVE FOUND IT AND NEVER TO GO DARK AGAIN. TIMES WE SEE OURSELVES HEADING FOR THE DARKNESS OF DEPRESSION AGAIN. WE SEE OUR LIGHT GETTING DIMMER. WE REACH OUT TO THOSE WHO LOVE US AND WE HERE LOVE YOU. YOU ARE IN A VERY ABUSIVE MARRIAGE. YOUR MAN IS BLAMING YOU. BLAMERS USE US A SCAPEGOATS. THEY NEED TO BLAME SOMEONE. THAT IS A LIE FROM THEM. DO NOT LET THIS MAN KEEP YOU DEPRESSED. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. YOU HAVE A PURPOSE. WE ALL DO FOR AS LONG AS WE LIVE. STAND UP TO YOUR HUSBAND. TELL HIM YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH CRAP. I DID. THAT MAN OF MINE NEVER KNEW THAT I HAD IT IN ME. I SURE PROVED HIM TOTALLY WRONG.

[Hidden]

Just checking in on you today. How are you doing?

[Missylluvv1]

FYI I started typing this earlier this morning so I apologize if things have been addressed already.

I hope you are doing better today and the outpouring of love and support from yesterday gave you pause in your commitment to take your life.

I wanted to comment on your belief that your children would be okay. My mother passed away last year in September. She passed in her sleep, for which I’m thankful because she had medical issues that could have led to a long and difficult road ahead. Even knowing this, my world has been absolutely shattered. My heart remains broken and sometimes I can’t breathe because I miss my mother so much. The pain was so intense that I literally thought I would die from such ache. I spent an hour and half crying yesterday morning before I left for work and some days I wonder how I can go on.

I share to say that my grief from my mom is this intense and she passed in the “best” way possible, peacefully in her sleep. It was just her time to go and I’m trying to accept that.

If you were to take your own life, your children’s grief would be 1000 times mine. They will not have the comfort of knowing it was simply your time and there was nothing they could do. They will always feel responsible and always feel guilty. Why didn’t they know? What does it say about them that you didn’t tell them? Please make no mistake that as a mother, you are your children’s first love....before friends, before boyfriends, before girlfriends, before spouses, before pets, it was you. As a woman who lost her mom, I can tell you this is true. Taking your life with have generational effects, where your children’s grief and pain will undoubtedly pass to their children. I am not trying to make you feel guilty but giving you more perspective because I have seen this kind of dynamic in families.

Please just know you are sooo important to your children, probably more than you think and you taking your life will cause them immense pain.

Also, there are resources out there should you choose to leave your husband...he sounds like he treats you terribly and you’ll be much better off without him. He’s taken so much from you, don’t let him take your life

[Hidden]

Are you ok? Just checking ... I know the feelings you are feeling...I can totally relate...