Why do people assume they can just touch you without asking?

[WaterMyMind]

I’m confused that this seems to be a thing by default that you have to ask to not be a part of. People will just touch you without permission. It irritates me and I don’t know where it comes from. Yesterday, I was in a conversation with my sisters trying to contribute and one of my sisters said “I love you but you’re not a part of this conversation”. This really hurt me for personal reasons involving gender identity stuff that I’m going through. I decided to just look out the window instead because I don’t get to talk I guess and my sister said “did I upset you?” while touching my arm and I said I was fine. And then she did it again???? Like, no, don’t do that. No one has permission to touch me and especially after shutting me out. I figured that as a woman (which I guess I’m not) that she would understand that touch should require that you at least ask. Later on, we were at my mom’s neighbors house looking at some deer and my other sister grabs my shoulders and physically moves me into a place where I could see better (or out of her way idk). That’s something she used to do a lot when we were kids. And I know that she’s aware of the concept of personal space. Earlier in the day, we were standing on the street and she turned around to look at something. When she turned back and started walking forward, she ran into me and then chided ME about personal space. So, do I just not get any then? I don’t understand what about this concept is so mystifying for people to get. Don’t touch me unless I say you can.

[Uglyskinmonkey]

some people especially family can be oblivious to things like personal space, privacy and boundaries and sometimes they need to be gently told/ reminded about how you feel about those things and your expectations

[Nothing_but_books]

I assume good intent from people until they show me otherwise. You have a voice, you can use it. In this situation it might help to express you insist on being asked.

[b1b1b1]

In most of the cases you describe I think the touches are affectionate. Sometimes widows, orphans, etc. don't get touched at all and they miss it terribly.

[Willow2022]

I get it. Have you voiced your boundaries to your family? They may just not know because they don’t feel the same way.

My teen daughter is that way. Never has really enjoyed affection. She definitely does not like being forcefully moved or her limbs being held (like attempting to squeeze by etc). I had a talk with her and told her to lay out her boundaries for her and I would abide by them. I would love to just run up and hug her or joke around my gently hip bumping her but that is what I would want, not her. I have chosen to respect her and her boundaries and our relationship is better for it.

Speak to those around you in a calm, firm manner. You have a right to your body and your comfort; you don’t owe anyone affection if it makes you uncomfortable.

[SayNOtoPanic]

Siblings will always be siblings. I think definitely communicate to them that it is something you are bothered by and do not like. And really convey your message. Especially if it’s something that really affects you like this. Cause then you’re hurt and upset and they’re probably clueless to the level. Hang in there WaterMyMind. 🙏🏻

[Tracey0101]

I don't like being touch unless people ask if they can but I get irritated when they think it's OK to and for me I don't like being touch because it's a sensory thing because I am autistic as people with autism find touch difficult when it's a sensory difficulties like noise and vision lights too bright and tastes and hearing is louder and pain levels are higher than usual but when we are over sensitivities through our overload of autism it's too much for us and everything is too much information that we cannot deal with so we need to go somewhere quiet to be calmer and not be with anyone so that we can feel better again and find peace to come out from it.

[Tracey0101]

But the sensory overload is more than 5 sensory things as people believe that we have only 5 main sensory imput but we have more than 5 sensory imput and people with autism suffer with all the sensory imput all at one time and we know that there is more than 5 sensory imput because we experience them when we have a sensory overload.

[Tracey0101 in reply to Tracey0101]

No one can say to a autistic person we only have 5 senses not even say that there are 5 main senses because when an autistic person goes through a sensory overload which is very overwhelmed all of the senses going mad all at the same time they are all bad enough to go through and extreme. Anxiety for autism can be a sensory difficulty too for autism people and pain levels as well even a just a tiny touch of the skin is too and a burning sensations and cold and hot temperature is a sensory difficulty another sensory as well and movement and balance of the body is another 2 senses and something soft and comfortable is another senses as well apart from tastes, touch, smells, vision, hearing and there are many others and the are as important as much of the 5 senses professionals say that there are 5 main senses but I know that there are more than 5 main senses and I am saying this because what I experience as a autistic person and what go through when I have a overload through my autism.