Why is my ex boyfriend that I been living with starting to choke me and put me down?

[Live4it20]

Ive been living with my ex for awhile now and hes been helping me out or taking care of me. Hes been there for me when no one else has and now he says that he never wanted me to come back and live with him and says I have nowhere to go and my family doesnt care about me. He started to choke me months ago because I lightly very lightly tried to wake him up (he wasnt even asleep yet just resting his eyes) and said "I kicked him" . I tossed a sock and he went into a rage and threw shoes at me very hard and than proceeded to choke me and call me a stupid bitch. I said dont talk to me like that im not stupid or a bitch and he called me it again. Next day no apology or nothing or he says I made him do what he did. Than says that he doesn't get like that (he never touched me until the past year or two and ive know him about 5 years now) . He started using drugs and I think that may have something to do with it.. He Almost got fired for using drugs and lied about being on it when he was on it. I startef using it with him to feel closer and so we can open up and talk more. But nothing didnt really get resolved (when it came to household chores or other things). He supported me for along time and than turns on me and says mean things like "you dont have to get up early and do anything so stop talking "or something like that. He frequents the bars all the time (he stopped with covid obviously) but now goes everynight till 2am and says he needs to save money and hes not an alcoholic. I say "why do you need to stay till 2am everynight" he says "to get away from you". Like im some horrible person. Says good luck finding someone who will do everything i did for you. He comes in late and drunk at times and is rude sometimes and says he doesnt care about me.. And that i dont care about him and just using him..says i have no friends and theress nothing good about me. Recently choked me and never apologize says he meant what he said and he was right about everything. He also said the times we have sex our a mistake and that he forces himself to do it!! I just cant believe someone i care about and that once really cared about me and that has really helped me out with alot in life can turn into a monster and say and physically attack me . my throat hurts to eat this morning...i thought he was done attacking me.. I dint do anything except push some papers on the floor because he was being horrible. He says you have nowhere to go etc etc and it sucks because im relying on him and sleeping with him at times and i feel so empty and used. He said im the user its just really depressing. I want to kill myself at times..my family wont let me stay with them. My dad lives an hour away. I feel really alone and betrayed by someone that said theyd always care and be there for me. I know its his own issues and i feel bad for him in alot of ways cux i know hes lonely as well.. Despite his "bar friends'. I try and stay sober but sometimes feel so bad and its hard too. He says hes better than me yet goes to the bar all night and drinks on the job and does drugs in the bathroom at times. I just feel stupid for caring so much. Ive never been choked by anyone before... He said its because hes supported me. Hes gone crazy idk what to do.

[hypercat54]

Leave now. If you don't one day he might go too far with the choking and end up with 'unintended consequences' or maybe intended ones. No one who loves you would ever treat you like he does. I see a thousand red flags.

Oh and none of this is your fault - he is gaslighting you. Google this.

[b1b1b1]

I agree with Hypercat. Choking someone is very serious and it is very easy to go just a little too far. I think you can imagine what the consequences of that would be.

[Agora1]

I agree with hypercat to leave before it's too late.The man you knew is no longer in control of his emotions.

He is being controlled by alcohol and drugs. A dangerous

combination. One that you can not reason with.

For your physical and mental safety, you need to leave this

abusive relationship. You don't deserve to be treated like this

no matter how much he did for you in the past. He's no longer

the same person you once knew. Stay Safe and Go Free xx

[fauxartist]

Love Hate relationships don't end well...try and look into some kind of women’s shelter that also may have counseling to help you understand what's going on in your life and why holding on to the past you had that you say was good, does not make your situation with him now get better. The abuse will get worse.

[Hidden]

If he makes you lose your family, lose your friends, lose your confidence, lose your self-esteem, or lose your happiness, then you need to lose him.

Pack your things and leave. Do not so much as glance back. The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do.

[Sologrl123]

Call Womens Aid like NOW

[Midori]

You are being seriously abused. You need to get away or tell him to leave.

Its what is called Co-dependence, you are putting up with the bad behaviour because you need a carer, and he is putting up with you because you let him do what he wants, (drugs, alcohol, sex).

Who has the lease on the property? It can be crucial, because you are going to need a lawyer NOW!

Nobody has the right to choke you, hit you or call you names. You have the right not to live in fear!

Get the lawyer, call the cops, (don't know where you live But in UK we don't put up with that sort of behaviour anymore!)

See your doctor too, it will help. He can note your injuries and refer you to the appropriate services.

Cheers, Midori

[wantobefree]

I’m sorry all this is happening to you. Know that you have the power to change it. You probably feel powerless but you are not. You do not have to take anyone’s abuse. Start finding a place to live ASAP. Rent a room or find social help. Do you have a job? If not begin finding one right away so you can have money and you won’t have to rely on his help. There is always a solution even though it seems like there isn’t. You have to leave him, he is not good for you now, it doesn’t matter if he was, it doesn’t matter the reasons why he became mean, the fact is that right now he is being abusive and he is not good for you so please find ways for you to go. And if you need to brainstorm ideas, write us back. We are here to help.

[Live4it20 in reply to wantobefree]

Thank you. im so embarrassed .. Our neighbors complained about us at one point awhile back (thin walls) . i feel so stupid like why do i still care and am so forgiving ..i am co dependent i realize that. But its nuts how he can just pretend or be ok next morning like nothing ever happened!! He doesnt do this to me often but yeah:/

[Roxylox]

One word - Run!

[JohnPB]

Leave your ex right away while you still have a chance. From what you have said about him, he might end up killing you. I suggest you talk with a counselor or call a mental health hotline to get support. Sounds like you are experiencing codependency issues. Don't let him make think you are worthless. I normally don't give such advice, but your situation could be a matter of life or death.

[Daveacr1959]

I have been living with anxiety for over 50 years, so it’s not like I don’t understand. You need to get out of there a s a p . That was a wake up call. Please don’t take offense to this, but use this, and all the other things in life that anxiety has taken from you. When I was at my lowest with my anxiety, I said it will take more than this to steal my life from me. And I had my emergency Xanax in my pocket in case of a panic attack, and I went for it. You must have a friend or family member who you can stay with. Other people have mentioned women shelter. I know you can do it. Find a job that is not working with people in person. There must be work from home computer jobs . Or train as an electrician apprentice. The last one may seem wacky to you but there are female electricians and painters and such. And they are antisocial type jobs . You don’t want to be a cashier or work in customer service at the grocery store etc etc . Your fear of living with men like this again. Or your fear of being broke and homeless, should be stronger than your fear of anxiety and depression. I read your profile your already doing good by excercising daily. You can do this girl , you got this !

[Midori in reply to Daveacr1959]

Well said Daveacre.

[Live4it20 in reply to Daveacr1959]

Thank you. He wont kick me out.. I know he feels guilty but doesnt know how to apologize (at least not with words) he does it in other ways. But yeah i dont have much experience so that doesnt help and my anxiety keeps me from going to interviews at times even though it usually isnt as worse as i thought it would be. Its like he wants me to go but he doesnt...misery loves company so to speak. I feel bad yet im so forgiving its sick. I dont wanna live with a stranger because i have trust issues.

[Daveacr1959 in reply to Live4it20]

33 years ago when my anxiety put me in the emergency room 3 times before it was diagnosed. I said to myself, after I understood the illness. It will take something a lot more than this to steal my life from me. A job is independence , with independence comes dignity and freedom.

[Live4it20]

Thank You. I really am Thats why im so forgiving and try and look for the reasons as to why someone acts a certain way or does what they do..its usually about THEM and not me. He has some issues but doesn't care... Or just wants to live a dark life in denial.. Its sad.. Like im heartbroken.. Now im pretty much numb at this point... I just want to escape this place and my life but i know Thats not the best thing to do. It kinda sucks... He says youre living here for free dont say anything or talk back type deal.... Which is kinda understandable but really.

[Remesana]

You really need to leave. Although it may seem like theres no other path, there is always a way out. Don't make any excuses for his behaviour. If someone have the good will in them, they would never abuse and disrespect you like that. Given the fact that he helped you when no one wanted to, you may feel like you owe him and that's fine cause you got a good heart. Please leave. Don't stay and be mistreated. The fact that he doesn't feel sorry for his actions and blame you for it, makes it worse. Have faith, build the confidence and leave. Spend time thinking about what you wanna do, who you wanna become, where you like to see yourself. You gotta get through this! Sending love and I hope everything works out for the best.