Poem

Back in 2006, my 30-year-old brother died of a drug overdose. His birthday is approaching, and I find myself grieving once again. My grief has improved over the past 15 years but it’s still there. It’ll always be there.

Last year around this time, I wrote my brother a poem and would like to share it:

I hear you in the thunderstorms

And in the windchimes

I feel you when I read computer jargon

Or when I’m in a carwash

Or play Monopoly

I see you in the birds

And in the butterflies

I wonder how you’d like it here now

With fitbits and facebook

and amazon and uber

Are you feeding Snuggles

Or petting Mittens

Or tapping your foot at Maggie?

I’ve learned that we all have addictions

And I should’ve tried to understand you

Instead of judge you

We aren’t our addictions

We are human beings

Beautifully, fearfully, wonderfully made

[lillyofthevalley37]

Very sorry for your loss I believe your brother is in heaven now which is a beautiful place - What date is your brothers birthday ?

[Hidden in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Thank you. I know he’s in heaven because he sends me butterflies and cardinals. 🦋💜

[mrmonk]

There's a quote by a 19th century writer that goes something like this: "The poet should touch our heart by showing his own."

Your poem touched my heart. 💙

Thank you so much for sharing it and your grief with us.

[Hidden in reply to mrmonk]

Thanks so much. I’m grateful for your kind words. 💜

[HabituallySleepless]

"I’ve learned that we all have addictionsAnd I should’ve tried to understand you

Instead of judge you

We aren’t our addictions

We are human beings"

I wish I had felt this way before the passing of my bio-Mom. Now it's too late.

I share in your grief and your poem... nearly brought me to tears.

Beautifully written. Thank you.

[Hidden in reply to HabituallySleepless]

Thank you so much for sharing your grief with me. I know it’s not easy to be vulnerable.

To be honest, I didn’t feel that way about my brother before he died. He and I were very close as children but we both said very unkind words to each other when his addiction took over. I told him he wouldn’t live past 30. And he didn’t. And those were the last words I ever said to him while he was on this earth.

I’ve lived with that guilt for 15 years. I’ve prayed a lot and I’ve spoken with therapists, priests, pastors, friends, family. I’m better now but it’ll never completely go away. It’s a “new” normal, I guess.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Hidden]

You must've suffered greatly looking on at your brother and his addictiion

[Pugglesworth]

Very nice writing.

[Hidden in reply to Pugglesworth]

Thank you so much! 💜

[Hidden]

So beautiful. I'm sure your brother will be looking down on you with pride Thinking of you

You are in my thoughts and prayers

Lots of love and hugs Lynne xxxx ❤️🤗💜🤗

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, Lynne! I truly appreciate your thoughts, prayers, and hugs. 💜

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are very welcome!! Hope you are asleep and don't see this until later this morning. I've not been to sleep yet but that's the norm for me. I have many conditions which cause me pain 24/7, an hour or less sleep per night due to pain . I do try to keep smiling 😊 but it does get me down at timesLots of love and hugs Lynne xxxx ❤️🤗💜🤗

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I hope you’re sleeping peacefully right now. Hugs! 💜

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Soprano 611, my phone was on silent!! Doh 🤣😂 xxxx

[Hidden]

So sorry for the loss of your precious brother. Beautiful poem. I’m sure you’ll never get over losing your brother but it’ll become a bit less raw. He’ll be watching over you. Thinking of you at this hard time. Sending hugs and love ❤️😘xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. 💜