Hello, it has been rough the past few days, I broke down and called my brother in England last night, got him out of bed, I am suffering with depression and killer anxiety, then my air conditioner broke, a few hundred to repair, and could not do it on weekend.It does not take much to knock me of balance, I am so fragile right now and wonder when the med's will sort my brain out, it just seems like one day of hell after another. I have no family in US and no friends where I live, they either moved away or died, and so often I would like to die also. 2 attempts in the past, now my mantra is Suicide is not an option. Thank you for reading about my pain. Think I'll go and have a cup of de-caffe coffee. You all hang in there, we are stronger than we think we are and it will end. I send you all Peace & Serenity, with love Sprinkle 1
The Hurting one in Little River. - Anxiety and Depre...
The Hurting one in Little River.
Hi Sprinkle.
Your thread really resonates with me. I've been sectioned 3 times for trying suicide. Last time was nearly a year ago.
Since then I've been cooped up at home, basically only venturing out when I was under the influence, which gave me false sense of being confident and there's nothing wrong with me!! However, Isolation has turned me into a social leper too and compounds my feelings of self loathing and that everyone else has got it together but me!
I only found this forum last week so it's all new to me but I'm starting to find a few likeminded people who've had enough struggling and want to try something different.
Every day is a fresh chance to break the cycle.
Feel free to get in touch if you wish
Kind regards
Mark
Hello Mark, You are not going to believe this but my favorite brother is Mark, he is in his 50's and not afflicted with the ugly disease. He lives south of Manchester in Cheshire. I was born and raised in Lincolnshire. I suspect my father had problems and I inherited them. Plus I have had a lot of mean unkind instances loaded with stress in my life, but depression has haunted me since I was a child, the part that is So hard for me to deal with is the anxiety, I find it frightening and it paralyses me, it has a touch of agoraphobia which helps to keep me in the house, I know I should go out and walk, wish I had someone to walk with. I'd love to strike up a friendship with you, I have a great book Overcoming Depression - Diagnosis & Treatment, in conjunction with Massachusetts General Hospital. I also have another book on order (should be here early this week) Coping with Anxiety & Stress Disorder. My life is a mess, normally I am tidy and organized. Now it is hard for me to to anything. I do my best to be kind to me and not beat myself up. Would you like to set up a daily keep in touch, support each other thru the pain and suffering, encourage each other and share any victories? I go by Sprinkle 1 but my name is Andria, So from Andria I send Peace, Love and success.
Hello I am touched you responded to me, If you are like I though from your messages you are in England? Let me know, I'd love to set up a help each other solution - that is not easy I know, but we struggle and it nice to have someone who cares. My Brother Mark is doing his best to help me and try to understand my illness. Let me know Mark. I send you Love & Peace. Sprinkle 1
Hi Sprinkle. Sorry I've not been back to you sooner, been really struggling with lack of sleep and subsequently increased paranoia/anxiety. I'll give you a clue it's now 4am! I have actually been asleep on and off for the past 16 hours tho so I don't mind the current time!
Yes it's ironic yr brothers name is Mark, similarly I grew up in Notts which isn't that far from where you were!
Kind regards
Mark
Hello Markyt, my Brit friend. Sorry you have been in hell (that is what I call it). Are you on any med's that help you. I took a test recently "Genesight" not sure if they have it in UK, but may something like it. What is done, the inside of ones mouth is swabbed and sent to a lab, they match up ones genes with the appropriate medication. I am now on Prisiq - and waiting for it to kick into full force.
Hate it when I cann't sleep I am on Serquel at bed time. Last night I got desperate and took .5 mg Lorazapam at midnight. Melatonin is good, I used to bring it over for the family, my Aunt tells me she can get it at Amazon. Ao many of us have sleep issues.
My Brother Mark is staying in touch with me and is supportive which I find to be a godsend.
And yes Notts. been there many times in my life, we lived in Grantham and Lincoln, I was born in my grandmothers house in Grimsby.
Just write when you can if it is a help for you, I want to be supportive of you, we are both suffering and understand the hell it brings into our lives. So many people do not understand and are either afraid or judgment and that is of no use to us. Be good to Mark, I send you Love, Peace and Serenity. Friend Sprinkle 1
Hi Sprinkle1. Thanks for your message, that's a great way of describing it (The Hell!)
Not heard of Genesight, I'll look it up with interest tho, thanks for the tip!
I try to remind myself when I can't sleep that eventually my body will force a shut down, hence the 16hours sleep yesterday, I feel much better now and did a 5mile round trip into the city today to get the stuff I should have done whilst asleep yesterday done, which I have sorted (so two positives today!!)
It's good to have friends in different places where snouts are you based?
Likewise with the contact my sprinkle friend 
Kind regards
Mark X
Hello, How nice to hear from you, glad the sleep helped you and you were able to get some things done. One of my problems is acrophobia this is a new infliction for me (Damn) me who would go anywhere, now wont' go out my front door. I need to get my self together, I told my Dr. (via e-mail) I could not feel any improvement, so she sent a new script to my chemist, so I'll call and make sure it is ready and go pick it up, it is a nice drive. I am in South Carolina, but as you say it is good to have supportive friends wherever. One of my friends is in Palm Springs .CA. Another in Lodi C.a. I lived in Calif for 42 years. Have not had much luck with making friends here. But as you will notice by reading these letters, there unfortunately thousands of us. So it is nice if we can hook up with someone. I'll go and see about the meds. Be good to Mark. I send Love & Peace Sprinkle 1
Sounds like you're doing the right things. Agoraphobia is a vicious circle, Mott you don't go out, more you don't want to. Not sure what the weathers like your end but s hat, headphones and a coat with a collar might help if it's cold.
I would encourage you to try to get out, even if it's for ten minutes at night when it's dark. That way no one will see you. Being cooped up isn't healthy for anyone, it makes it really difficult to engage in any social capacity if it goes on for too long. Trust me, I have experience of this.
Feel free to contact me either generically or Via pm if you want to talk in private
With warm regards
Mark x
What a sweetheart you are to get back to me so soon. I did go out, not for a walk, to pick up some more med's. I made myself do two errands, so that involved a little walking. We had a lovely day today (which pisses me off - when I am well I'd be working out in my garden), into the 70, sunny and mild. I am going out again tomorrow to the chemist trying to sort out the antidepressant and the new medical cycle that is in affect now?!!! Yes I will try to go out, but prefer the daylight my anxiety would not let me go out in the dark. If you were here we could go together. What is Via? it is 5.38 pm here so about 10.30 your time, how is your weather? We will be changing the clocks soon. Tell me do you ever drink alcohol? My Psychiatrist said it was OK to have a glass of wine, it seems to loosen the knots in my gut. What will you or did you do this eve. I cann't watch TV anymore either to much violence or stupid sitcoms. I cann't read much if it is violent, I am so fragile. I am always glad when it is time to go to bed, as I have a sleeping pill that helps, but I hate the weird dreams, do you have weird dreams? I hope you get your much needed sleep tonight, will your Dr. give you a mild sleeping aid? Or try Amazon for Melatonin I have used it for years, but it is legal in the US. It is a natural hormone the body makes.
Sleep well tonight Markyt, with Peace and Serenity from your friend in the US. Sprinkle 1.
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Hurting in Little River
Ill in Little River.
It hurts
Time is like a river
It hurts 
HurtingModeration team
